Reverb14: Day Four

reverb14withtextProject Reverb prompt: “Do Over: Hindsight is the one thing we never benefit from in the present.  Is there one moment you wish that you could do-over?”

I never know how to answer any sort of question about regret or what I might have done differently. It makes me think of science fiction stories where someone travels back in time and unwittingly wreaks havoc on the future, causes all sorts of chaos through what were seemingly minor changes. There are always dire warnings, horrible consequences involved in such a narrative when someone tampers with the way things already happened because there is no way to predict or comprehend how every little action will add up, how one change will ripple out and touch everything else.

Do I wish Eric and I wouldn’t have had that first fight at the beginning of our vacation this summer? Sure, it sucked, but it led to some really important conversations for us, a deepening of understanding and love. Do I wish I wouldn’t have chosen to work with that difficult person, that I would have trusted the red flags I noticed at the very beginning and said “no”? Sure, but that experience showed me I can be compassionate at the same time I’m setting boundaries. Do I wish I would have just bought the plane ticket when I first checked and it was affordable and surprised Sherry on her birthday? Sure, but I didn’t and what use is there in continuing to wish I had?

I have no way of knowing how one change, one do-over would impact the rest of my experience. I can’t second guess every choice after seeing its outcome. Life is way too complicated to understand how each detail and decision shifts the trajectory of my experience. I can’t wish to do anything over because every single breath led to where I am now, and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

Reverb14 Prompt: “We are all lightning rods, conduits for that which the Universe wants born into this world. What energies did you channel this year?”

I channeled compassion, bewilderment, gentleness, generosity, confusion, wisdom, self-awareness, being centered in practice, not knowing what to do, sadness, anger, anxiety, joy, grief, and love.

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