Daily Archives: December 13, 2014

Reverb14: Day 13

reverb14withtextProject Reverb prompt: “Chances are, if you’re participating in #reverb it’s because you like writing. Or at least want to like writing. Writing is like a muscle. Use it or lose it. What do you do every day to hone your craft? Or, what would you like to do each day to contribute to your writing?”

I write every day. I have a morning writing practice where I write for up to an hour. Later in the day, I might publish a blog post or work on a book or write something for my work at CSU. Something else I do every day to “hone my craft” is read.

What I’d like to do more of is reading and publishing. I’d also like to spend more time working on the two books I’m writing and teach some writing classes.

Reverb14 prompt: For this, Marianne Elliott shares an exercise with a series of steps. What I’m sharing here is the list in response to “When and how was I brave in 2014?”

I got another dog, opened my heart to another one knowing full well he will break my heart into a million pieces just like the others.

I trained to become a certified yoga instructor, even though I’m uncomfortable in my own skin, still confused about how to care for my body, not as strong as I was, and scared to be a beginner again.

I had difficult conversations with Eric, even though it would have been easier to just leave things as they were. I started a dialogue with no guarantee where it would lead. I risked being misunderstood and hurt.

I let myself feel what I felt. I honored my hungers most of the time. I allowed myself to want what I wanted.

I stopped weighing myself. I stopped starving myself and overexercising. I let my body be, stopped being at war with it, knowing I’d be judged for it.

I kept showing up with an open heart. I kept writing, posted or published a lot of it. I told the truth. I asked for help.

I said “no” more often. People didn’t like it, but it made space for what I really wanted to say “yes” to.

Reverb14: Day 12

reverb14withtextI always do more than one Reverb at a time, so there are sometimes prompts that repeat. It’s to be expected. However, this is the first time I’ve ever had a situation where the multiple prompts were the same on the same day.

Project Reverb prompt: “Write a letter to your future self, telling the future you about what you hope for you.”

Reverb14 prompt: “It all starts with kindness. Everything I have learnt, everyone I have interviewed, every word I have studied has guided me to this simple but profound conclusion: true happiness begins and ends with self-kindness. No more guilt. No more shoulds. No more comparison. And the very best way to give your weary soul some kindness at the end of this year? A love note. Write a letter from you to you… filled with forgiveness, love, and a big bear hug.”

Dear Sugar,

What I have to tell you is any one who knows you very well sees how hard you work, how determined you are to do good things, how depleted and exhausted you feel from pushing yourself so hard. What they might not know is the aggression that you direct inward to force yourself past your limits, the criticism that happens when you don’t meet your own expectations.

It’s time to forgive yourself — for waiting so long, for thinking you needed permission, for losing your sense of yourself, for not trusting your own intuition, for keeping quiet, for having to rediscover your voice, for saying yes or okay or that’s fine when you should have said hell no, for making yourself small, for not letting yourself feel what you feel, for abandoning yourself.

That is the past. You know better now. You had to live that, experience it, suffer it to fully understand it and find a way out so you could help others like you. You know from conversations with other women that your experience is actually quiet common, and there is a real need for guides, people who have made maps and can offer support.

The part you are just now recognizing is how important it is to care for your self, the ways in which you are embodied. Focusing on this is the next step — getting well so that what you offer is centered in sanity and health. And yet, don’t allow this to hold you back. You don’t have to wait. Offer who you are, including what you struggle with, what’s messy and uncomfortable, be an example.

Your future is so bright. It’s just as you’ve imagined and so much better. Don’t give up, but at the same time let go and allow yourself to surrender to it. Lower the bar, rest, take care of yourself, simplify, slow down, allow ease and you will find contentment but also your power. Don’t be afraid of yourself.

Love you.