Daily Archives: December 9, 2014

Reverb14: Day 9

reverb14withtextProject Reverb prompt: “It has been said that you must learn to take care of yourself before you can be effective at taking care of others. How did you take care of yourself in 2014? How will you take care of yourself in 2015?”

The ways I took care of myself in 2014: I stopped starving myself, stopped dieting and restricting, and stopped weighing myself, all in an effort to stop hating my body, to quit trying to force it to look and move and behave the way other people wanted, expected. I continued therapy for my disordered eating, which is never just about the food. I risked making other people uncomfortable by being myself. I gave away less — less money, less time, less effort, less worry, less attention, less of myself. I was a little bit better about resting, allowing myself down time, not expecting so much of myself. I trained to be a yoga teacher and I was not a perfect student. I “lowered the bar” in all the ways I could find to do so. I asked for help. I rejected external expectations and judgments. I tried to let go of my agenda whenever I could. I let myself cry and fall apart, but I didn’t move in and live there. I studied and practiced. I said yes. I said no. I took vows. I said I was sorry. I stopped apologizing for myself. I ate what I wanted, wore what I wanted, did what I wanted. I made room for myself, created space. I showered. I flossed. I drank lots of water. I took supplements. I read more books and took more naps. I explained exactly what I needed to feel loved.

The ways I’ll take care of myself in 2015: I will continue to discover and practice what it means to be truly healthy and well, even when it goes against the expectation of others. I will be my own expert, guru, healer. I will seek help and support when and where I need it. I will move the way I want to move, the way that brings me joy and makes me feel good. I will continue to forgive myself. I will be gentle and generous. I will listen deeply. I will keep my heart open. I will be my own soft place to land. I will feel what I feel but not feed it. I will feed my true hungers. I won’t abandon myself.

Reverb14 prompt: “As you enter into the new year, what would you like to do/make/have/be more often? How will you bear witness and celebrate the tiny milestones? How will you respond on the occasions when your intentions do not come to pass?”

More: reading, rest, naps, ease, courage, openness, wisdom, kindness, laughter, cooking, hiking, love, publishing, teaching, connection.

The best way I can bear witness and celebrate: to pause. To take a moment to be fully present and still, to not move forward until I have fully noticed and honored my experience.

I will respond with gentleness and forgiveness when my intentions don’t manifest, when things don’t go how I imagined or planned or expected. I will let go, drop my agenda, surrender my expectations with an understanding that sometimes Life knows the way better than I do.