Author Archives: jillsalahub

Gratitude Friday

pictureformom

The picture I took because my mom said, “that would make a pretty picture.”

1. Spending time with family. Playing cards, eating together, walking on the beach, talking on the phone and texting.

2. Long walks on the beach. The other day the tide was low enough that we walked all the way from Waldport to Seal Rock. We also walked at Ona Beach and there was a long stretch with no people, other dogs, or birds so the dogs got to go offlead for a longer time than before, and we saw a heron fishing. We also went hiking at Cape Perpetua.

onabeachbridgeducks onabeachshack rockhound sealrockbeach offleadononabeach cliffrocks onabeachheronmesamandbigtree3. My tiny family, and a partner who is there to support and help me. I’m not gonna lie, kind and gentle reader, we’ve been having a rough couple of weeks. I couldn’t do this without Eric.

ericandringorocks

sambeach

4. Friends who can step in with help, even though they aren’t “here.”

5. Sleep. Getting enough of it, that particular kind of rest where you can relax and let everything else go is such a comfort, so essential.

Bonus joy: an amazing dinner last night at the kookiest little restaurant, leftovers, marionberry pie, clean cold water, a warm shower, coffee with a friend, beautiful weather, the color of the ocean this afternoon, the sound of the waves, a slight breeze, a long nap, dog crates, smart and compassionate dog trainers, an unexpected butterfly, Eric making me laugh.

Three Truths and One Wish

onatable1. Truth: There are some things I don’t tell you. Even though I’m pretty open, honest on this blog, there are a few things I just don’t write about here. Some are other people’s dis-ease, illness, and addiction, and some are my own. It seems like in the past year I’ve had to be quieter here than before because there’s been more of that going on behind the scenes. Take this vacation for example. Some major things have gone down that I can’t post about. I know that’s right, but part of me longs for the comfort of telling you.

2. Truth: I’m ready to go home, but I’m sad about leaving. We have one week left, and most of the time I feel simultaneously like I never want to leave AND I can’t get back to Colorado fast enough. It’s the strangest thing. I love it here so much — the beach, the ocean, the weather, all the green, the fresh berries and veggies and seafood, the long lazy days, two and a half hour walks every morning, naps, reading books, nowhere I have to be and nothing I have to do, family so close by. But I also love Colorado — the mountains, the river, the parks where we walk two hours every morning, my garden, my tiny little house with my comfortable bed and new bathroom, my friends, my favorite yoga teachers, my meditation cushion, my backyard, my physical therapist, the dogs’ vets, everything I’m used to and need right there. It’s confusing.

3. Truth: Just because something is the right choice doesn’t make it easy. I know it’s right to keep quiet about some things. I know it’s right that Eric and I live in Colorado, so far away from our families. I know that vacations have to end at some point. And just because something is true, inevitable even, doesn’t make it easy. I know that I can’t protect people I love or myself from bad things happening, that we are all going to get sick, lose our minds a little, make bad choices that have consequences, maybe even get old, and eventually die.

One wish: May we all get our version of whatever comfort and strength we need. No matter how bad it gets, may we find a way to keep going. May we find the magic and the medicine.

Something Good

capeperpetua
1. How to compare ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ to actual hate groups, a video from Seriously.tv. In related news, What writers of color say we all should read now, and the Free Hugs guy at it again, and Black Twitter Countered Tragedy With These 6 Uplifting Hashtags, and A History of White Delusion, and Campaign Zero, and 13 Tweets Explain The Deadly Impact White Privilege Has On Black People, and Black Lives Matter Just Delivered Their 10 Point Manifesto, and This Is What They Want, and Black Lives Matter: A Reading List, and White Fragility: Why It’s So Hard to Talk to White People About Racism.

2. GOP Platform Proposes To Get Rid Of National Parks And National Forests. “This land grab idea is just as ludicrous as denying climate change, just as detached from reality, and similarly comes at the expense of our public health and protection of our public lands and resources.” Blergh…

3. An Australian photographer created a breathtaking photo series that shows gender diverse and transgender children exactly how they want to be seen. I related news, this moving ad on transgender bathroom rights will air for Fox News viewers during the final night of the Republican National Convention.

4. Recipe I want to try: Sliders Four Ways.

5. A devastated French fan seen crying after his team’s ‪#‎Euro2016‬ defeat to Portugal has been consoled by a young Portuguese fan. I love this little dude so much.

6. The Responsibility Glitch. *sigh*

7. Read These 23 Books And Authors When The Injustice Is Overwhelming. #readingoals

8. Awake to the Pain. “Body terrorism, the targeting, blame and mistreatment of people based on bias, ignorance, hate and power differentials, requires our attention, voices and actions.”

9. For The Record, a post from Jennifer Aniston. “The objectification and scrutiny we put women through is absurd and disturbing.”

10. Santosha from The Cognitive Canine, the dog trainer who has talked me down from a ledge so many times, a good reminder about a practice that can benefit more than just our relationship with our dogs. #reframe

11. 12+ Kids Who’ll Restore Your Faith In Humanity. I don’t know about that, but some of them sure are cute.

12. Model Photographs and Shames Naked Woman at Her Gym and Things That Are Not Always Compliments For Fat People from Dances with Fat.

13. Buy One, Get One Free, wisdom from Rachel Cole. “I want to make something very explicit: food restriction (by any name, real or perceived) almost always leads to overconsumption (by any name, real or perceived). Buy one, get one free—like it or not.”

14. Wisdom from Tulku Thondup, “Generally, we go through life with little awareness of what we are doing, let alone the peaceful and joyful nature of our lives. We mostly think about the past and dream about the future while missing what is happening right now, in this moment. If we are not aware, we are not fully living. We are like sleepwalkers or zombies. To be alive and healthy, we need to wake up.”

15. Mary Lambert’s new video, Hang Out With You. Love it.

16. 3 Keys to Building a Successful Writing Career. I’d rename this to “3 Keys to Building a Successful Writing Practice” or “3 Keys to Building a Successful Writing Life,” because why do we always have to make the good things into our career? It can matter a lot without becoming our job, doesn’t have to be limited to our work.

17. You will be called on to expand. And this is why we practice. This is an older post from Danielle LaPorte that I’ve shared before, but it seems worth revisiting.

Gratitude Friday (a day late)

beachsign1. Long walks on the beach. We’ve figured out this past week by walking various stretches of beach that there is about 13 miles (one way) of walkable beach in our direct vicinity, and that except for the Alsea Bay inlet which you only would be able to maybe cross during an extremely low tide and maybe not even then, you could walk all the way from Seal Rock to Yachats. And, in the other direction, from Brian Booth State Park you could walk all the way to South Beach State Park, another six miles (one way). It’s been fun walking it all and figuring it out with our feet.

ericringocliff creepycliffbeachhouse

lostcreek yachatsbeach tillicumbeach southbeach southbeachsurfer beach wavesandgull mirrorbeach

2. Another strawberry pie. Yum.

strawberrypie3. Spending time with family and friends. Dinner and a walk on the beach at sunset, lunch and cards, movie days.

nyebeachsunset 4. My tiny family. Anywhere can be home, as long as they are with me.

ericringocuddle samandringohiking

5. When the worst doesn’t happen. Even though someday it will.

Bonus joy: warm clam chowder, hush puppies with crab, a long nap, permission to watch tv all day if I want, good weather for our walks, a washer and dryer, the Newport Farmer’s Market, mostly reliable wi-fi, my new car, being able to manage my anxiety, meditation, stretching, a bed that isn’t horrible, whole clove garlic bread, clif bars, remembering how to play cards and how fun it can be, not needing to check my phone all the time, relief from guilt, clean water, a warm shower.

Three Truths and One Wish

beachshack

1. Truth: One of the ways I generate suffering for myself is by taking responsibility … for e v e r y thing. It can be incredibly painful. No matter what happens — someone I love is sick or someone else is in crisis or someone I don’t even know is suffering — my first reaction is I should do something. I feel responsible, think I should help or fix it, and when I can’t or I don’t know what to do, I suffer.

2. Truth: To not take responsibility is equally harmful. Someone I love very much is an addict, but the real issue isn’t so much her drug of choice but rather the ground of her addiction — her inability to take responsibility. It isn’t just that she doesn’t “take the blame” when she does something harmful, she also doesn’t see how she can make choices in her life, have some measure of control over what happens to her, that she can change things if she wants, make things better. She is trapped in the belief that her life happens to her.

3. Truth: There is always a middle way. We don’t have to take responsibility for everything, but it’s good to take some measure — to be accountable, involved, engaged, helpful. We can cultivate wisdom and compassion, have agency and practice the sanity of right action, and ask for forgiveness and make amends when we falter.

One wish: May we have “the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Something Good

sunrisebeach

Waldport beach at sunrise.

This was a tough week. Before sharing this week’s list, it seems like a good time to revisit its intention. Saying this is a list of “good” things doesn’t mean it’s all happiness, puppies, and sunshine. Rather, this list is things I think you need to see, stuff I want to share, items that either show the good that already exists in the world or can help us contribute to generating more good.

1. If you are white, educate yourself: Curriculum for White Americans to Educate Themselves on Race and Racism–from Ferguson to Charleston, and thinking thursday : racism edition, and On White Privilege and Taking Sides, and 4 Reasons Why the US Police Force Is an Extension of Slavery and White Supremacy (That You Were Probably Never Taught), and This advice on how to deal with “racist mouthy twats” has gone viral because it’s good advice, and Speak up. Say something., and 28 Common Racist Attitudes and Behaviors, and Hard Conversations: An Introduction to Racism, and Confessions Of A (Former) White Savior, and 70+ Race Resources for White People, and The next time someone says ‘all lives matter,’ show them these 5 paragraphs, and Please Stop Telling Me That All Lives Matter, and Advice for White Folks in the Wake of the Police Murder of a Black Person.

2. In related news: People Killed by Police in the U.S. (a database), and Protester makes important point about Alton Sterling (“society failed Alton Sterling long before he was killed”), and Obama On Shootings Of Alton Sterling And Philando Castile: We’ve Got A ‘Serious Problem’, and Police officers explain how they’re encouraged to act in racist ways, and I’m a black ex-cop, and this is the real truth about race and policing, and Dallas Shooting Eyewitness Says Exactly What We Need To Hear After This Week, and Following Horrific Violence, Something More is Required of Us, and I fit the description…, and It’s time to understand the experiences of those hurting in the black community, and I Just Saw this Picture and I’m So Disturbed. Because it’s Me., Ta-Nehisi Coates, a national correspondent at The Atlantic, gives us his take on race, violence and police reform in America, and The Bravest Little Girl in the World, and Black Lives Matter Co-Founder: We Can Grieve For Dallas And Still Demand Accountability, and One Tweet Exposes the Racist Hypocrisy of Gun Control Debates in the United States.

3. The List of Books Men Must Read Before Messaging Me About Feminism, a great reading list for anyone.

4. Recommitting from Karen Walrond, who says “angry is no way to live. Because if we live angry, the bad guys win. So, here’s to recommitting to leading with love.”

5. 20 Diversion Tactics Highly Manipulative Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychopaths Use To Silence You.

6. #‎CarefreeBlackKids2k16‬ is anxiety relief after this week’s police killing news.

7. Couple Lets Their Dog Pick Out a Kitten at the Shelter and Now They’re Besties.

8. How one man repopulated a rare butterfly species in his backyard.

9. Recipes I want to try: Cheesy Chicken Alfredo Pasta Bake, and Broccoli Rolls, and Asian Noodle Salad.

10. Ways to help: #AltonSterlingFamily Scholarship, and Lisa and Sydney’s Fire Recovery, and Please help me get my Service Dog!

11. You’re going to feel guilty from Danielle LaPorte. “The guilt of following your heart is a weight you can bear if your dream is strong enough.”

12. When your project just doesn’t “take off,” a good reminder from Alexandra Franzen.

13. 15+ Hilarious Pinterest Baby Photoshoot Fails.

14. What It’s Like to Have ‘High-Functioning’ Anxiety.

15. 16 Ways I Blew My Marriage.

16. Elmore Leonard’s Ten Rules For Writers.

17. Every night before the show, Stephen takes a few questions from the audience. Here’s a special one. “Q&A: How did you know she was the one?”

18. Wisdom from Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, “In the final analysis, the question of why bad things happen to good people transmutes itself into some very different questions, no longer asking why something happened, but asking how we will respond, what we intend to do now that it happened.”

19. Alicia Keys made this short film to illustrate what life might be like if Americans had to face the struggles of refugees.

20. Japanese Magicians ARE TOO DAMN FUNNY!

21. Surreal Photos Of Fireflies From Japan’s 2016 Summer.

22. Nude Portrait Of A Couple In Their 70s Goes Viral.