1. Morning walks. We are back on a regular, “back to school” schedule now, with the sky dark enough that I have to wear a headlamp to start. Still too many mosquitoes to get back close to the river, but that should happen in just a few more weeks.
2. Cooking. I love the process (when I have the time and energy) and having lots of leftovers to choose from. The zucchini bread I made last week, both “regular” and lemon (pictured), didn’t last very long.
My yoga props for when I teach
3. Practice, both teaching and doing.
4. Being content with not going back to work at CSU. It was move in day yesterday for the students who live in dorms, and the traffic was crazy. I told Eric last night that even though I’m not exactly sure what my “new life” will look like yet, I am completely sure that leaving CSU was the right choice.
5. My tiny family. They are my favorite.
Bonus joy: writing with Mikalina and Chloe’, cooler weather, aqua aerobics (especially after the pool was closed for close to two weeks!), sitting in the sauna, hanging out with Eric, reading, watching good TV, napping, vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce and walnuts, writing, getting ideas for things I want to work on but knowing I don’t have to do them right away, “winning” in my Life class again because I worked so hard (although I’m not really competing with anyone but myself).
23. Maiden, a really really really good documentary.
24. Wellness has come for your pets. “The $636 million pet supplement industry is fueled by the greatest suckers of all: millennial dog owners, like me.”
29. The 1619 Project, “a major initiative from The New York Times observing the 400th anniversary of the beginning of American slavery. It aims to reframe the country’s history, understanding 1619 as our true founding, and placing the consequences of slavery and the contributions of black Americans at the very center of the story we tell ourselves about who we are.”
1. I’m still here. I’m finding my groove during this “back to school” season, the first one in 20+ years I haven’t also been going back to school. I had a moment yesterday afternoon where I felt really lonely, but that had more to do with Eric having been gone for things three days and nights in a row. I subbed a yoga class that morning and two of the women came up afterwards and told me how much they enjoyed when I taught. I explained that I’d been given the opportunity to take over that class in the fall, but I wasn’t ready to add any other classes to my schedule just yet. I’m taking my time right now, allowing myself to go slow, to contemplate and rest. For the first time in a really long time, I’m not in a hurry, not rushing into the next thing. I don’t want to be distracted or busy. I want to really understand, on a deep level, the next right thing for me. I want to, for once, honor my energy level, my intuition, my needs and my longings. I’m not used to this, putting myself first, but I’d like to get really good at it.
2. Morning walks. This morning, we saw some things we don’t normally notice: a mama deer and her baby (still had spots), a tiny tiny toad crossing the trail, and a little brown field mouse. We tried walking along the river for a bit, but there are still WAY too many mosquitoes.
3. Recognizing that I haven’t just sat on my butt all summer. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I set the bar pretty high for myself. This summer, I had a huge to-do list of all the things I was going to accomplish. Then I realized how tired and burnt out I was and decided to honor that instead. That left me feeling like I haven’t really done much of anything, but the other day when I was putting away laundry, I realized I’d completely cleaned and reorganized my room, closets and dressers, the bathroom, and my practice room, and also made a start on my office and the garage. We also planted a bunch of new stuff in our garden, I’ve been cooking and reading a lot, and I’ve watched an awful lot of really good TV. I’ve practiced almost every day and have been teaching and have spent a ton of time at the gym, taking classes and such.
I “won” in one of my fitness classes for keeping up the pace and working really hard.
4. Getting clear about what I want to do. I’ve been thinking and writing a lot about how exactly I want to spend my time and energy, and even though I thought I already knew, I’ve gotten a lot clearer about it in the past few weeks.
5. My tiny family. Eric did the Tough Mudder last weekend and had a lot of fun. Sam continues to do really well after his back injury over a year ago and is a world champion nap buddy. Ringo can be so hard, needs so much, and I love him so much, am so happy he’ll probably be around at least another 10 years.
Bonus joy: doing box handstands in yoga, finding a Dave Matthews themed yoga mix to play for my small class (the two people there that day REALLY love Dave Matthews), working out really hard in my fitness class, subbing for two of my favorite yoga classes, sleeping in, taking naps, watching good TV, sitting in the sun in the backyard and lounging with the dogs, losing track of what day it is, cooking, reading in bed at night while the boys are asleep, grocery shopping, texting with my next door neighbor during a really unusual power outage and remembering I have really really good neighbors, helping Chloe’ clean, writing and giggling and crying with Chloe’ and Mikalina, the moments when I feel like everything is going to be okay.
2. Wisdom from Ronna Detrick: “Do what your intuition tells you, what you can clearly discern as the right course of action. Trust-trust-trust that you know what you’re doing. And let everything else go – every fear, every anticipated reaction, even every expected risk and seemingly-certain cost. It’s all going to work out.”
30. How to Buy a Gun in 16 Countries on The New York Times. “Many Americans can buy a gun in less than an hour. In some countries, the process takes months. Here are the basic steps for how most people buy a gun in 16 of them. Many countries have exceptions for specialized professions, and local laws vary.”
31. Cyntoia Brown Is Freed From Prison in Tennessee on The New York Times. “Ms. Brown, 31, was sentenced to life in prison for killing a man while she was a teenage sex trafficking victim. She was granted clemency in January.”
32. Candice Keller’s Comments on Mass Shootings Prompt Call for Resignation in Ohio on The New York Times. “In a Facebook post, the Ohio lawmaker blamed ‘homosexual marriage,’ ‘drag queen advocates’ and ‘recreational marijuana’ for mass shootings.” It’s so convenient that all the things she doesn’t like or approve of are on her list of causes.
1. Morning walks. We walked the dogs at CSU this past Sunday morning. This is the view from my old office, from the outside looking in. I expected to be just a little freaked out at this point that I didn’t have a job to go back to in another week, but I was wrong. I’m content, happy with my choice, looking forward to what comes next — and SO happy I’m not going back there, doing that again.
2. Practice. Yoga, meditation, writing, and dog. Practice can sometimes feel like a contradiction. The intention is to become comfortable with discomfort, to accept that the ground is always shifting, and yet what practice offers is something like stable ground, a strong foundation, a soft place to land. Ultimately one has to be able to hold space for conflicting truths, both/and.
3. Writing, and the good books other people write. The love I have for these two things, the obsession, feels part of my DNA, something you couldn’t take from me no matter what or how hard you tried.
4. Our garden. The new flowers we planted attracted so many bees, moths, butterflies, and grasshoppers. We are also finally getting some tomatoes and a bunch of cucumbers — which is why I’m making these sesame cucumber noodles for dinner tonight.
5. My tiny family. Sam and Ringo like to “help” me cook.
Bonus joy: fresh peaches, zucchini quesadillas with grilled onions, writing with Mikalina, good TV, good movies, good podcasts, aqua aerobics, Pilates, sitting in the sauna, the fitness class I’m taking (and the fact that I can keep up with the 20-year-olds), yoga, clean sheets, getting all the laundry done, sourdough toast with marionberry jam, vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup and walnuts, watching dumb TV with Eric, the way we laugh at the same dumb things.
1. Paisley & Hazel, an Instagram account where they paint pictures of adoptable dogs to help them get homes.
2. What the fuck should I do with my life? (A step-by-step process). I love that she ended with this, “Before wrapping up, I want to acknowledge that not everyone has the freedom to do what they choose in life and live out their desires. I’ve really written this article for those of us who are lucky enough to have that choice — let’s not take our freedom to do what we want in life for granted.”
3. Because of you from Alexandra Franzen. “Olympic athletes who claim the gold are very inspiring. But the person who comes in ‘last’ can be just as inspiring, if not more so.” Another good one from Alexandra, There is no rush.
7. Buddhist psychotherapist and “RAIN” champion Tara Brach on Lion’s Roar. “Western psychology and Buddhism—together they offer us a complete diagnosis of the human condition. Andrea Miller talks to psychotherapist Tara Brach, who works to combine these two disciplines into a powerful path to love and fulfillment.”
9. The mindfulness conspiracy. “It is sold as a force that can help us cope with the ravages of capitalism, but with its inward focus, mindful meditation may be the enemy of activism.” In related news, How mindfulness privatised a social problem. “The £3.4trn industry encourages a preoccupation with the symptoms of mental illness, rather than their social causes.”
11. Wisdom from Pema Chödrön, “Everything that occurs is not only usable and workable but is actually the path itself. We can use everything that happens to us as the means for waking up. We can use everything that occurs—whether it’s our conflicting emotions and thoughts or our seemingly outer situation—to show us where we are asleep and how we can wake up completely, utterly, without reservations.” P.S. this doesn’t mean we need to see our suffering and obstacles as “gifts.”
12. Wisdom from Andrea Gibson, “Even when the truth isn’t hopeful, the telling of it is.”
14. Colson Whitehead Opens Up. “In a wide-ranging conversation with The Nation, the author talks about political writing, zombies and horror stories, American history, and his new novel The Nickel Boys.”
22. ‘We’re All Tired of Being Called Racists.’ “At Donald Trump’s rally in Cincinnati, droves of attendees made it clear that they stood with the president despite his recent comments.”
57. Jordan and Andre Heroes El Paso, a GoFundMe fundraiser. “The family of Jordan Anchondo just confirmed they also lost her husband Andre Anchondo in the El Paso Shooting, leaving all three of their kids without their parents. Their 2-mos-old newborn, Paul, survived and will be released from the hospital today. Yesterday was also their 5-year-old daughter’s birthday, and they also leave behind an 18-month-old daughter.” This fundraiser is to help their kids and the family left to care for them. Andre stood in front of his wife and baby, and Jordan put her body in front of the baby when the shooter came for them. The baby survived; both parents were shot and died. They were at Walmart buying things for their 5 year old’s birthday party and school supplies.
1. Morning walks. While Eric is still on vacation, we get to go all together, and that’s my favorite.
2. My “other” family. I was in Oregon last week visiting them – my parents, my brother and his two girls and one of their girls, and some aunts and uncles. It’s always good to see them, and then it’s always good to get back home to my own bed and my tiny family.
Mom and Dad. With them, I am simultaneously 51 and 12 years old, and they are both still younger than me and getting older.
Baby Lia (who’s almost not a baby anymore) and her grandpa, my big brother. She doesn’t like to eat bananas so much as she likes to peel them and throw the peel in the trash.
3. Our garden. We are currently getting tons of zucchini and cucumbers, but our tomatoes still aren’t ripe and our basil didn’t do too well this year. We went to a big plant sale and did some more work putting more flowers in the ground, to feed the bees and butterflies and keep down the weeds. Our goal is to eventually have plants everywhere with some paths winding through.
Image by Eric
Image by Eric
Image by Eric
Golden Raintree, which the bees love
4. My tiny family. They are my favorite.
5. Sweet things, in particular peach pie made by Eric on the grill and Mikalina and home sweet home.
Bonus joy: a safe and relatively easy trip, hanging out at Mikalina’s house and writing with her today, teaching yoga, long naps, good books, good TV, seeing Andrea Gibson with Carrie and getting to hang out with Beka and Tracy too, getting all the laundry done and bills paid and clean sheets on the bed, not having to go back to work in another two weeks, aqua aerobics, hanging out in the sauna with the good people, the little old lady who waved at us as she drove by on our walk this morning, the way Sam follows me around everywhere, the way Ringo only cuddles with me and not Eric, cooking good food, new recipes, a/c.
