Author Archives: jillsalahub

Three Truths and One Wish

1. Truth: It’s not good to get comfortable in knowing. Just because I know something doesn’t mean I should stop learning, allow that knowledge to become fixed, solid, unmoving. Getting comfortable with what I think or believe makes me stagnant and dumb. Things are constantly changing, as they always and will continue to do, and good people are doing research, finding and sharing new information all the time. I must stay open to this, curious, because if I stay stuck in my current state of knowing, eventually I will be wrong.

2. Truth: Resisting change generates suffering. Resistance to new wisdom eventually turns aggressive, violent. Holding on too tightly to what I want to be the truth, wanting it to remain even when its nature is to dissolve and fall away hurts. And depending on how tightly I cling, how violently I resist, I can become a danger to others too.

3. Truth: Not knowing is better. There’s a teaching in Buddhism, “only don’t know,” which recommends cultivating a state of not knowing, of curiosity, and resting there. The poet Rumi describes it as a field, “beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing” and says “when the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about.” Pema Chödrön says,

Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. When there’s a big disappointment, we don’t know if that’s the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure. Life is like that. We don’t know anything. We call something bad; we call it good. But really we just don’t know.

One wish: May we cultivate a state of curiosity, opening ourselves to new possibilities for compassion and wisdom, letting what we knew, what we were so sure of, so certain about, fall away without resistance.

Something Good

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1. This Day Brought Me to Tears from Jena Schwartz. This blog post brought me to tears. Jena at her best is like…I can’t even think of what, because there’s just nothing like her at her best.

2. 25 Famous Women on Dealing With Anxiety and Depression.

3. Attention white women: The Primal, Unyielding, and Dangerous Ego of Missy Anne, and The Decolonization of White Feminist Consciousness, and The Subtle Linguistics of Polite White Supremacy, and Befriending Becky: On The Imperative Of Intersectional Solidarity, and Decentering Whiteness, and 20 Black Women You Should Be Following Right Now.

4. Knocked down by the election? Here’s how to move on. Because this, “I had to stand at the exact same moment that I could not stand.”

5. Lemonade Didn’t Win Album Of The Year Because White People Don’t Know How To Not Be White People.

6. New Platform Promotes Images Of Black People Engaging In Acts Of Affection. In related news, Artist Addresses The Racist History Of Photographing Men Of Color.

7. Renowned programmer pulls out of tech conference hosted by Shopify. “Toronto developer, who teaches coding to women and minorities, says Ottawa firm’s relationship with Breitbart puts it ‘on the wrong side of history.'”

8. Accidental Racism, Intentional Activism.

9. Stephen Miller is the latest insufferable liar and bigot on Team Trump.

10. Museum removes every piece of art created by immigrants.

11. Another great black history month reading list.

12. Edmonton photographer wins World Press Photo award for Standing Rock coverage.

13. Wisdom from Brave Girls Club,

It’s ok to want things that don’t make sense to others, dear friend. It’s ok to be content with a simple life, to pass up on things that others find tempting, to walk a path that is not often traveled…maybe even a path that has never been traveled before. Please don’t get caught up in the confusing, hurtful and destructive belief that you are somehow obligated to live the life that everyone else seems to think you should live. Please listen to YOUR heart. Please shut out the opinions, advice and voices of “reason” that make you feel so uneasy, confused and inadequate. Be with your truth….be with the source of that truth. Get quiet and listen listen listen to your heart. Your path is your path….the very path that you were created to travel. Your decisions are your decisions…the very decisions that your Creator will help you to make. Go where the peace is….in your life, in your relationships, and especially in all of your decisions. Make choices that bring you the most peace….even when those decisions don’t make sense to the outside world. You have what it takes to hear your truth, beautiful friend…and you do not walk alone.

14. Social Justice Intensive: Spring 2017. “Join us, Desiree Adaway, Ericka Hines and Jessica Fish as we create a brave space to explore issues of race, religion and gender. We will analyze these issues through a lens of power, privilege, and binaries while helping you develop your social justice muscle and critical observations on key issues occurring in our world today.”

15. Trump Supporters Receive “Mainstream Media Accountability Survey” Moments After President Slams Reporters. Blergh.

16. Let Van Jones Explain How Mass Incarceration Led Directly to Trump’s Win.

17. When Did Compassion Become Partisan Politics? from John Pavlovitz, a wise and compassionate voice.

18. Recipes I want to try: Carrot & Chickpea Veggie Burger, and Melting Sweet Potatoes, and Asian Noodle Salad, and Roasted Veggie Salad, and Chocolate Mug Cake.

19. Turns out Black History took more than a month? Ashley Nicole Black investigates. Some good advice from people who have faced this before.

20. We Need to Start Telling the Truth About White Supremacy in Our Schools.

21. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week. You know what I just realized? It’s someone’s job, at least in part, to spend the week reading Twitter, just looking for funny tweets from women. Probably an unpaid intern, but still, not a bad gig.

22. Help Us #Resist…Better. Put your money where your mouth is.

23. The most powerful art from the #BlackLivesMatter movement, three years in.

24. Glenn McCoy and ‘The New Problem’ With Racism.

25. Amazing street art blended in with nature.

26. ‘Eating disorders are black women’s issues too.’ “Georgia suffered from eating disorders through her teenage years. Thinspiration Tumblrs inspired her to lose weight but that spiralled to starvation and bulimia. Now recovered, she wonders why black women are rarely identified as having eating disorders.”

27. 5 Ways Teachers Are Fighting Fake News.

28. Watch the Debut Episode of Revolutionary New Web Series Brown Girls.

29. ‘There Is No Good Card For This’: What To Say When ‘Condolences’ Isn’t Enough.

30. I Wish I’d Known… Me too. Meeee toooo.

31. Ken Nwadike spreads love to everyone through “Free Hugs.”

32. Is Reverse Racism A “Thing?” “There is no such thing as reverse racism and here’s why.”

33. 50 Ways People Expect Constant Emotional Labor from Women and Femmes.

34. 12 Black-Led Podcasts To Listen To Now.

35. American Masters – Maya Angelou: And Still I Rise. The first feature documentary about Maya Angelou’s life premieres nationwide Tuesday, February 21 at 8 p.m. on PBS. In related news, the documentary The Talk premieres on PBS tonight.

36. Art21. “Art21 is a celebrated global leader in presenting thought-provoking and sophisticated content about contemporary art, and the go-to place to learn first-hand from the artists of our time. A nonprofit organization, Art21’s mission is to inspire a more creative world through the works and words of contemporary artists.” Their video series is really cool.

What I’m Doing: Fat Acceptance

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This blog started with my “life rehab.” After years of a toxic work environment and two significant personal losses, I looked at my life with a new clarity and realized I wasn’t happy. As I dug a little deeper into the “why?” I realized I’d been in a long term abusive relationship — with myself. As I untangled the “why?” there, I discovered self-aggression directed at my body, which manifested as disordered eating and overexercise, a self-loathing that at times turned suicidal.

I started therapy, directly focused on the disordered eating but which uncovered deeper suffering still. I worked a lot with Rachel Cole. I read a lot of books, did research, took classes and went on retreats. I stopped dieting, quit starving myself. I stopped working out with my trainer. I became a yoga teacher and meditation instructor. I did a little more therapy.

I started making choices about what to eat and how to move that were about feeling good and overall wellbeing, rather than about a number (weight or clothing size or BMI) or how it would make me look. I embodied what it meant to love myself. It’s been a lot of work, effort and energy and attention, and I’m still not all the way “there,” (whatever that means).

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What I realized the other day is that because of the work I’ve done for myself, it’s natural for me to advocate for others who suffer in similar ways. Because of my increased awareness and sensitivity, I see things other people might miss. I understand suffering and love in a way some people won’t even allow themselves to consider. They choose instead what is easy, embodying willful ignorance — pettiness, hatefulness, bigotry.

Take this video, for example. Someone shared it on Facebook the other day, with the caption, “Inspirational ❤ .” I watched it and had a completely different reaction. I felt sick to my stomach, then I cried. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got — white hot rage.

The video was made by Edeka, the largest supermarket corporation in Germany. As I write this post, it’s had 2.6 million YouTube views, and on their Facebook page it’s been viewed 33 million times, been shared close to 450,000 times, and the reactions range from like, love, and “haha.” There are 16,000+ comments on the Facebook post, and many are in German, so I didn’t spend time reading them and can’t really tell you exactly what people were saying.

The video is blatantly fatphobic. It portrays fat people as lazy, satisfied with eating the same gruel day after day. They eat lunch at their desk as they work or while waiting for the bus, and even their pets are fat. They dress in muted dull colors and are shown restricted to the city, with its concrete and lack of nature. The clear message in this representation is that fat bodies (people!) are lazy, boring, joyless, unhappy, and essentially immobile.

At a key moment in the video, a young boy notices a bird outside the window. Seeing it fly gets him excited about the prospect of flying himself. We all know humans can’t fly unaided by the technology of a plane, or at the very least a hang glider. No matter how thin you are, a bunch of balloons or a pair of cardboard wings won’t enable you to actually fly. And yet, the video shows differently.

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The boy tries everything he can think of, but always fails, clearly because he’s too fat. Then one day, he sees the bird eating berries, so changes his own diet to berries. I’m sure you can guess what happens next. It’s pure “body transformation = happiness” porn. The boy looses weight because of his new diet, and makes a pair of cardboard wings that allow him to fly just like the bird. The final scene is of him relaxing in a lovely lush meadow, “finally” happy in his new thin and therefore apparently magical body, popping a single berry in his mouth. A caption in German reads, “Eat like the person you want to become.”

The message is clear: fat = unhappy & unhealthy. And to change yourself, simply change your diet. There’s so much wrong with this that I don’t even have space in a single blog post to dismantle it completely. What I do know is “the cake is a lie,” (essentially, your promised reward is merely a fictitious motivator). There are plenty of studies, books, articles, and research that debunk this simple formula, and even more personal stories that make it clear that diet and exercise don’t automatically lead to happiness or health.

Eating good food is a choice, but more importantly YOU get to decide what “good” means. For me, good food is what appeals to me, satisfies my eyes and nose and mouth and stomach, tastes good and makes me feel good — sometimes that means I feel more energy, sometimes it means I feel more relaxed. Sometimes that means eating a kale salad, but sometimes it’s a slice of cake, and none of my choices have anything to do with my worth as a human being, because what I eat isn’t about morality. Same goes for movement — I do what brings me joy and feels good to my body. It has nothing to do with trying to chase a number or manipulate the way I look. It has nothing to do with being pleasing or acceptable or valuable to anyone but myself.

The bottom line is this: One’s choice to treat others with generosity and compassion, to be a sane and wise person in our dealings with other people, should be based in our common humanity, NOT the way our pants fit. I guarantee if you turned your effort and energy towards loving people, towards easing suffering in yourself and in the world, you wouldn’t have time for all this other nonsense.

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Some resources that might be helpful:

Gratitude Friday

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1. Kitchen counter love notes. Even though I’ve been home for the past week recovering from surgery, Eric has still managed to sneak a couple in.

2. Good food. Bran muffins with dried raspberries, smoked salmon, avocado, sour cherry juice, big bowls of fruit salad and green salad, ice cream sandwiches.

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3. Paid sick leave, along with good health insurance and the ability to work from home, as well as a boss who would never give me a hard time about needing the flexibility and two awesome interns who can keep things running while I’m away.

4. Time to rest and heal, not needing to be responsible for anything, getting to read and watch TV and take lots of naps. I’m healing specifically from my surgery, but I needed this time for other reasons too.

5. My tiny family. There’s a picture I took of Eric last week that as I was taking it he was laughing and saying “do not put this on social media.” You are just going to have to take my word for it that it’s both adorable and hilarious. He’s been taking such good care of me, and Ringo and Sam have been being so good, keeping me company.

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"Can we haz lunch now, Mom?"

“Can we haz lunch now, Mom?”

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He was falling asleep like this.

Bonus joy: That the human(s) who got into our cars the other night didn’t take anything of real value or do any damage, the sunshine, clean laundry, a hot bath in a clean tub with clean water, going to the grocery store (which is a big deal when you’ve been housebound for the past week) and having it not be very busy and the shelves newly stocked, lots of comfortable and clean pajamas to wear, friends who text to check in, Voxing with Justine, sending a surprise present to someone, talking to my mom on the phone, Valentine’s Day, love, laughing with Eric, my knee getting better as it gets rested by default as I heal from something else.

 

Three Truths and One Wish

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1. Truth: I watched Birth of a Nation a few days ago. For as long as slavery went on, for how recent it is in our collective experience, for the ways that history continues to impact us today, there are surprisingly few movies about it, and even fewer good ones. This one had a powerful message, was well made with the potential to make a big impact. As soon as I watched it, I wanted everyone to see it, if for no other reason than I needed someone to talk to about it.

2. Truth: Then I found out the movie’s backstory. Apparently, the director who was also the lead actor, Nate Parker, was accused of rape, along with one of the writers on the movie. The story is heartbreaking. The woman who accused them eventually killed herself, and her brother said, “I don’t think a rapist should be celebrated. It’s really a cultural decision we’re making as a society to go to the theater and speak with our dollars and reward a sexual predator.” Even though he was acquitted at trial, Parker’s own statement about it makes it clear he knows he did something wrong: “Seventeen years ago, I experienced a very painful moment in my life. It resulted in it being litigated. I was cleared of it. That’s that. Seventeen years later, I’m a filmmaker. I have a family. I have five beautiful daughters. I have a lovely wife. I get it. The reality is I can’t relive 17 years ago. All I can do is be the best man I can be now.” I haven’t seen Manchester by the Sea because of the sexual harassment accusations against Casey Affleck, so this is an issue that does matter to me, something that does impact my choices. I don’t want to give my money or time to someone who treats women badly, harasses or attacks them. As the victim of sexual harassment and assault myself, it just doesn’t feel right.

3. Truth: And yet, because I saw the movie first, was moved by it and saw the message wholly removed from the messenger, it’s hard to let it go, difficult to dismiss it entirely — and I don’t really know what to do with that. The same thing happened to me with my Buddhist practice. I studied and practiced and embodied the benefits of the teachings for six years before I fully investigated the head of the lineage in which I practice. What I found was a man whose behavior didn’t sit right with me, but his teachings and the community already did. It was difficult to work my way through that doubt and confusion and anger to find my way back to the dharma, but I did — eventually.

One wish: That stories of slavery and its impact continue to be told, and that the tellers be honest people we can feel good about supporting. In my future is Underground (a new TV series), Roots (the updated mini-series), and 12 Years a Slave (which I missed the first time around), as well as the movies on this list, 21 Social Justice Documentaries On Netflix To Watch. And books, so many books! (Any recommendations you have are welcome, kind and gentle reader).

Something Good

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1. Definition of an internet troll: “In Internet slang, a troll is a person who sows discord on the Internet by starting arguments or upsetting people, by posting inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community (such as a newsgroup, forum, chat room, or blog) with the intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal, on-topic discussion, often for the troll’s amusement,” (Wikipedia). In related news, Hero Burlesque Dancer Names and Shames Her Trolls and The Troll Taunter, “A young Wikipedia editor withstood a decade of online abuse. Now she’s fighting back — on Wikipedia itself.”

2. White People: I Don’t Want You To Understand Me Better, I Want You To Understand Yourselves. In related news, A Few Pointers for Protesting While White and When I Said All Trump Supporters Are White Supremacists, I Meant It.

3. The Twin Forces of Love and Resistance. I’m not gonna lie, this one had me in tears. Especially these two passages,

But real love is radical because it cannot be earned or unearned. It is tied to inherent dignity. It is unconquerable because it is dumb in its own way — determined to keep loving no matter what the counter forces, no matter what scarcity small men try to message, no matter what fear they try to sow. It’s blindly trusting, also positioned as stupid in our overly strategic society. It’s inefficient, a sin in our efficiency-obsessed time.

And,

We’re proving ourselves capable of a mighty resistance, but we must also prove ourselves capable of this kind of expansive love. The twinning of the two will be this country’s salvation.

4. Reading the News Makes Me Depressed, but Here’s What I Realized. **Spoiler Alert** “I used to read the news for enjoyment. Now I pay attention because it’s the right thing to do.”

5. Macro Monday Says To Hell With It, Have Some Dogs. Super cute. Other good stuff from Chuck: Why Persist As A Writer In Times Of Such Heinous Fuckery? and Kameron Hurley: How to Keep Writing Through Times of Great Political Upheaval.

6. An open letter to Jason Chaffetz from someone who attended his town hall.

7. Why did I name it “Dear White People?” In related news, People are deleting their Netflix accounts over the soon-to-be-released show “Dear White People.” For the record, I loved the movie and can’t wait for the show, and will continue to support Netflix. For starters, this: 21 Social Justice Documentaries On Netflix To Watch.

8. Finding steady ground: strengthening our spirits to resist and thrive in these times. “Here are 7 behaviors we can use right away to strengthen ourselves, so we can keep taking more and more powerful and strategic actions.”

9. Researcher maps hidden graveyards of slaves who once tilled Louisiana sugar cane fields.

10. James Daschuk uncovers truths about First Nations history.

11. Black Lives Matter: Recommended Reading, a great list from Powell’s Books.

12. “Give Love.”

13. On politics and social media from Lisa Congdon.

14. Who are Kwan Yin, Avalokiteshvara, Kannon, and Quan Am? The quick answer: my favorite.

15. “Right Now, It’s Like This” — How to make this increasingly used Buddhist phrase work for you on Lion’s Roar. “Meditation teacher Vinny Ferraro explains the simple but powerful phrase ‘Right now, it’s like this’ — and provides simple, helpful meditation instructions to go with it.”

16. From Brave Girls Club,

Sometimes the very best gift we can give to ourselves is a little bit of time alone, in complete silence and complete calm. Even if it’s just for a little while, quiet time is essential for our souls. Our deepest truths speak in quiet little voices most of the time, and we have to get our lives calm and quiet to be able to hear them. When we are feeling scattered, depleted, confused, and torn, and remedy that almost always works is to take a walk all alone, or to go somewhere quiet and be all alone. To just sit, just listen. It may seem too simple, too good to be true. But so many of the mysteries of life have the simplest answers, and we just have to trust in their simplicity. Give yourself the gift of solitude, quiet, and a listening heart as often as you can, and you will hear the things you need to hear. Unplug, walk away, take a breath. Do it for the sake of everything and everyone that you love. And especially do it for you. Your answers are in there. Your calm wise self is in there, too. Now, go find her. She’s been waiting patiently. You are so very loved.

17. The “New Age Thinking Will Make Me Thin” Diet. Oh, snap. This is so me. More good stuff from Isabel Foxen Duke, Beware the “Don’t-Binge-Eat” Diet.

18. The Way of Openness: Moving Away from Comfort & Security from Zen Habits.

19. Being Authentic at Your Shitty Job, really good advice from Lodro Rinzler on Lion’s Roar.

20. Bold EP and Tour! on Kickstarter, “Mary Lambert is releasing an uplifiting EP about being unabashedly fat, gay, bipolar, and doing whatever you damn well please.”

21. Being Black at School, “advocates for equity and safety for Black students” and,

Our approach to advocacy is unlike that of any other education organizations. To make a formative change in the lives of Black students, we realized our efforts need to be data-driven, grassroots focused, and concentrated at all of the levels of decision making– in the community, in the classroom, and in the statehouse. By combining research, policy development and advocacy to influence public debate and catalyze change regarding race and education in America.

22. Day 17 of Investment in Black Lives on Now We Rise, another really great way to help, to “put your money where your mouth is.”

23. Memory Postcards – a Time Capsule Film of 2016.

24. Benefits of Reading Infographic.

25. A checklist for every day.

26. New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art releases 375,000 digital works for remix and re-use online via CC0.

27. Watch Rescued Baby Sloths Have A Conversation And Try Not To Smile.

28. Indivisible: A practical guide For resisting the Trump agenda. I know I’ve shared this before, but it seems worth sharing again.

29. The Revolution Will Not Be Polite: The Issue of Nice versus Good. “Oppression is not about hurt feelings. It is about the rights and opportunities that are not afforded to you because you belong to a certain group of people.”

30. Tomi Lahren is the BIGGEST snowflake of them all.

31. Shutting Down BS about Betsy DeVos with Public School Teachers.

32. Wisdom from Andrea Gibson, “heard there are times/when the only thing/we have control over/is where we put our attention.”

33. Privilege 101: A Quick and Dirty Guide.

34. If Adele’s ‘Hello’ Was About Calling Congress.

35. DT talking lying about the Dakoto Access Pipeline. My only response to this is rage, white hot and murderous.

36. How the Black Lives Matter Movement Is Mobilizing Against Trump.

37. He wants to make sure no other child in the foster care system has an experience like the ones he and his children had.

38. The Netherlands is using empty prisons to house refugees — what are we doing? Think about this: they have EMPTY prisons.

39. How should the media cover a White House that isn’t afraid to lie.

40. Sherman Alexie Talks About Writing in the Era of Trump.

41. Who Is Son Of Baldwin And Why We Should Listen Up?

42. #ShePersisted Becomes New Battle Cry After Senate Silences Elizabeth Warren. “This is definitely not what Mitch McConnell was hoping for.”

43. Rosie O’Donnell as Steve Bannon? SNL could really make Trump angry if it wanted to. I hope they do this.

44. 10+ Honest Valentine’s Day Cards For Couples Who Hate Cheesy Love Crap.

45. Ordinary Americans carried out inhumane acts for Trump. This is such an important distinction to note: the real monsters aren’t the leaders, but those who follow them, enact and embody their policies rather than resisting.

46. Why People Should Just Pause for a Minute and Not Blindly Celebrate 84 Lumber’s Immigration Ad. In related news, I loved the Coke ad. They say of it, “We believe that America is beautiful and Coca-Cola is for everyone. Let’s celebrate the moments among all Americans that promote optimism, inclusion, and humanity — values that bring us closer together.” This is the America I want to live in, but there is a shit ton of work to do to get us there, enit?

47. A Snowflake Manifesto from John Pavlovitz. “No, one snowflake isn’t likely to make an impact—but I’m betting 65,788,853 can.”

48. Week 13: Experts in authoritarianism advise to keep a list of things subtly changing around you, so you’ll remember.

49. Adele’s Grammy Speech Made Beyoncé Cry. In related news, What White Women Can Learn From Adele’s Grammys Speech.

50. Football player, reader, author, nerd. I love this so much.

What I’m Doing: Begin

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When I got a package from Sabrina Ward Harrison recently, a thank you for a GoFundMe project of hers I’d donated to, on the back of the enclosed thank you note was the above — most likely it was a practice sheet or something that didn’t turn out quite how she’d imagined. In that way it was a reject of sorts, and yet ever since it came in the mail, I’ve had it on the shrine that’s on my writing desk. The “real” artwork she sent is still safely tucked in it’s envelope, but this is out.

This is where I am: at the beginning. And any time I feel discouraged, like I don’t know what to do or that what I do is never going to be enough, I remind myself — simply come back and start again, let go and come back, (which is what my teacher, Susan Piver, always says), and to lower the bar (that from the brilliant Rachel Cole), all the way to the ground if necessary, meeting me wherever I happen to be.

I can’t really do much more than rest and heal right now, after my surgery. And I won’t lie, even though I’m doing okay, it’s not easy — I’m tired and sore and can’t really get completely comfortable to fully rest. This is my “work” right now, and it is workable. And yet, even with all this stillness and rest, my mind keeps on going, continuing on in confusion and contemplation.

Here’s what I feel like I know: After all the overwhelm of the first initial weeks of the new administration, all of the frantic scrolling and reading and listening I did, meeting with other like minded people to do a lot of “wtf?” and “what do we do now?”, I’ve narrowed down all the issues to one core problem — white supremacy.

Every single action taken by this new administration has been an effort to maintain white supremacy, to strengthen systems already in place and to dismantle anything that contradicts them, including engaging in the ongoing oppression of people who don’t happen to be white.

I’m not gonna lie, this is hard to acknowledge when you are white. When there is no way to opt out or undo your whiteness, your privilege. At first, I literally couldn’t see, having worked so hard to maintain blind spots, put so much effort towards being willfully ignorant. Once I chose to see, the weight of that reality was overwhelming. Then once I decided to do something, it can feel like I will never be able to do enough, no matter how hard I work at it.

So I come back to the one thing I can do: begin. That has required a lot of deep listening, specifically to people of color. I’ve also been reading a lot, doing the work for myself rather than asking someone else to explain it to me. It’s meant being uncomfortable and confused. It’s meant joining classes and communities where I can get support for doing the work, where I get assistance understanding from people who’ve already figured it out and want to share. It’s meant helping, even before I’m entirely sure what the right help is. It means I make a lot of mistakes. It means I allow my position to be decentralized. It means I step back and let others speak. It means that even when I feel uncomfortable or confused, I don’t make it someone else’s responsibility to fix that. It means I show up. It means I don’t give up.