Category Archives: Three Truths and One Wish

Three Truths and One Wish

magicdoor

1. Truth: I’m sad to leave, AND ready to go home.  I know I said the same thing last week, but it’s still true. The only difference is that I might be a little more ready to go home now than I was a week ago.

2. Truth: This summer may from now on be known as the “things aren’t always as bad as they seem” vacation. This trip was filled with a lot of yuck, some of which turned out to not be as terrible as first thought, and other stuff that seems hard now but might end up being for the best. In the moment, it can feel so claustrophobic and unworkable, but with some time and distance and a little more information, it might not be so bad after all. All I can do is keep trying, not give up.

3. Truth: I couldn’t do any of this without Eric. I couldn’t afford this vacation, I couldn’t drive for two days with two dogs to get here, and I certainly couldn’t meet any of the confusion and challenges of life without his support and good cheer. Okay, I probably could — but why?

One wish: Wherever we travel and whatever we encounter, may we meet it with good cheer and wisdom and compassion, and may we have friends and loved ones to support us along the way. And because this week seems to warrant an extra wish, I offer you this metta (loving kindness) practice from Anam Thubten:

May we be safe from inner and outer harm,
may we be free from guilt, shame, and hatred,
may we enjoy mental and physical well being,
may we live with the ease of an open heart,
may we go beyond our inner darkness,
and awaken to our radiant true nature as boundless love.

May we express loving kindness toward each other so that war, conflict and every form of strife come to an end, allowing peace and harmony to pervade the entire world.

Three Truths and One Wish

onatable1. Truth: There are some things I don’t tell you. Even though I’m pretty open, honest on this blog, there are a few things I just don’t write about here. Some are other people’s dis-ease, illness, and addiction, and some are my own. It seems like in the past year I’ve had to be quieter here than before because there’s been more of that going on behind the scenes. Take this vacation for example. Some major things have gone down that I can’t post about. I know that’s right, but part of me longs for the comfort of telling you.

2. Truth: I’m ready to go home, but I’m sad about leaving. We have one week left, and most of the time I feel simultaneously like I never want to leave AND I can’t get back to Colorado fast enough. It’s the strangest thing. I love it here so much — the beach, the ocean, the weather, all the green, the fresh berries and veggies and seafood, the long lazy days, two and a half hour walks every morning, naps, reading books, nowhere I have to be and nothing I have to do, family so close by. But I also love Colorado — the mountains, the river, the parks where we walk two hours every morning, my garden, my tiny little house with my comfortable bed and new bathroom, my friends, my favorite yoga teachers, my meditation cushion, my backyard, my physical therapist, the dogs’ vets, everything I’m used to and need right there. It’s confusing.

3. Truth: Just because something is the right choice doesn’t make it easy. I know it’s right to keep quiet about some things. I know it’s right that Eric and I live in Colorado, so far away from our families. I know that vacations have to end at some point. And just because something is true, inevitable even, doesn’t make it easy. I know that I can’t protect people I love or myself from bad things happening, that we are all going to get sick, lose our minds a little, make bad choices that have consequences, maybe even get old, and eventually die.

One wish: May we all get our version of whatever comfort and strength we need. No matter how bad it gets, may we find a way to keep going. May we find the magic and the medicine.

Three Truths and One Wish

beachshack

1. Truth: One of the ways I generate suffering for myself is by taking responsibility … for e v e r y thing. It can be incredibly painful. No matter what happens — someone I love is sick or someone else is in crisis or someone I don’t even know is suffering — my first reaction is I should do something. I feel responsible, think I should help or fix it, and when I can’t or I don’t know what to do, I suffer.

2. Truth: To not take responsibility is equally harmful. Someone I love very much is an addict, but the real issue isn’t so much her drug of choice but rather the ground of her addiction — her inability to take responsibility. It isn’t just that she doesn’t “take the blame” when she does something harmful, she also doesn’t see how she can make choices in her life, have some measure of control over what happens to her, that she can change things if she wants, make things better. She is trapped in the belief that her life happens to her.

3. Truth: There is always a middle way. We don’t have to take responsibility for everything, but it’s good to take some measure — to be accountable, involved, engaged, helpful. We can cultivate wisdom and compassion, have agency and practice the sanity of right action, and ask for forgiveness and make amends when we falter.

One wish: May we have “the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Three Truths and One Wish

beachwithgull

1. Wherever you go, there you are. Being on vacation makes this very clear. I usually enter vacation, whether we stay at home for it or travel, thinking I’ll be a different me, that it will be a magic time. Somehow I’ll be more relaxed, happier, less worried, maybe more productive, healthier, better rested, not bothered by the normal stuff of life. This isn’t the way it goes.

2. What we do impacts others. We might not like it, but it’s true. And as it is true, it seems important to keep in mind when making decisions and choices.

3. None of us are safe, no matter how hard we try to be. We can’t predict or control the way things are going to happen. We can’t know how all the various conditions and causes will work together.

One wish: May we relax into the unpredictable, impermanent nature of being. May we soften the suffering by turning our effort towards joy and love.

Three Truths and One Wish

Cummings Creek Trail, image by Eric

Cummings Creek Trail, image by Eric

1. Truth: When one of my dogs is sick or injured, I find it hard to think about anything else. Ringo has had a wonky gut for the past few days and while I’m not worried enough about it yet to take him to the vet, I’m concerned. He probably drank too much water out of one of the streams on the beach and will most likely work it out without any intervention, but it doesn’t mean I’ve been able to stop thinking about it.

2. Truth: I haven’t settled in any one place long enough this summer to work my way out of my funk. I was starting to feel okay, but then we packed up and headed to Oregon. We stayed with my in-laws for a few days, but not long enough to feel settled, and then we came here. It was only yesterday that I started to relax a bit, but there’s still the ongoing dilemma of my life: do I use this time to accomplish a bunch of shit or take a break? What am I “supposed to do”? What would it look like or mean to be content?

3. Truth: There’s a weird guilt that comes with summer vacation. It’s confusing. This time is a total gift and I absolutely know just how lucky I am, but that just adds to the weirdness. Part of me feels like I need to party and/or rest the crap out of it in honor of all those who don’t have this privilege. Then there’s a part of me that can’t help but feel like I need to earn this time somehow, like the nine months of hard work I did the rest of the year wasn’t enough, like I need to have something to show for myself at the end of this break to be worthy of it.

One wish: May I surrender to my confusion, find myself just where I am at, and open to joy.

Three Truths and One Wish

From my garden

From my garden

1. Truth: We are busy getting ready to leave for Oregon. We compressed two months worth of gardening in to two weeks, got seat covers and a cartop carrier for the new car, the dogs have been to the vet and are all up to date and checked out, we got service done on the new car even though it is brand new (just to be sure), all our reservations are made and paid, and we are working our way though a list of other things that need done before we go. We are so lucky to have a friend who is happy to live here, have a whole house to himself with a/c and a big TV for his own tiny vacation, so we don’t have to worry while we are away, and can have a garden even though we’ll be gone.

2. Truth: We are traveling to one of our favorite places. The central Oregon Coast, more specifically Waldport, Oregon. This is I think our 7th trip there as a tiny family, at least the fifth time we’ve stayed in this one particular house. The first time our first dog Obi was only 4.5 months old. I am looking forward to this trip being a bit easier, since Ringo is a grown up boy now, (he was still a baby last time).

3. Truth: My heart has two geographical homes. One is here in Colorado, and the other is in Oregon. I grew up there, and even though I don’t miss the nine months of rain, or the mud or mold, I miss a lot of other things — the ocean, my big family, the produce, the green, the trees.

One wish: That no matter where you are spending your summer, it’s a place you love with people you love.

Three Truths and One Wish

blueflowers

1. Truth: I trusted my gut, and I was right. I saw a new podiatrist today, the one my physical therapist originally recommended but he was in the process of moving from a group practice to a private practice and wasn’t available. This dude was the foot whisperer! I just knew that the custom orthotics I was using weren’t right (turns out they actually caused tendonitis in some ligaments in my ankle, thus the lingering discomfort I’ve been dealing with) and that the real issue is my hip. He confirmed what I already suspected, that the chronic low back and hip pain from a fall off a horse when I was 18 caused my body to modify my gait, to overcompensate for things that were hurt in a way that became the norm long after the injury, made me “calf dominant” and allowed areas of my hips and right leg to weaken, and the plantar faciitis was never the real issue, just a symptom of a long term ongoing problem — that can totally be corrected!

2. Truth: Reading and taking a nap are medicine. As I spend this time on vacation, I’ve been paying attention to what feeds me, what makes me feel good, what helps, and these two things in particular are magic.

3. Truth: My perspective about depression is shifting. I watched a video yesterday, From “De-pressed” to “Deep Rest”: Depression as a Call to Spiritual Awakening?, and it kind of blew my mind. Have you ever had it happen that the thing that you most needed to hear just seems to show up at exactly the right time? That’s how I felt about this. I’d been having a hard couple of days (no one showed up for my last yoga class, someone hit one of our cars but didn’t leave a note or anything, Eric and I had a hard discussion, etc.), and this came when I really needed it. It changes everything for me to think of depression as a particular kind of exhaustion caused by working to maintain a false sense of self, as an invitation to rest deeply with who I really am.

One wish: May we trust our intuition about what we need and allow ourselves to have it, seeking help if we need it and allowing ourselves to rest, to heal.