I’m flying back to Oregon tomorrow. Mom seems to be letting go, has stopped eating and drinking and hospice is starting their “intensive comfort care” protocol with daily visits and more meds. They are advising this could be her final week.
P.S. Mom ate breakfast this morning and they will take her off ICC if she eats again. I’m still going out, already have all my plans and reservations made, but… I don’t know what to think, but am trusting my instinct that I should go out, should be there for a bit with her, and that the end is close. If I’m wrong and this isn’t “it”: okay? Blergh…
2. The last time: The way meaning reveals itself after the fact by Jasmine on The Tiny Joy Project. This reframing of regret is something I really really really needed to hear. “Maybe the goal is to let regret teach you what deserves your attention while it’s still here. Most moments won’t tell you they’re important. They’ll just happen. Ordinary and unremarkable and easy to overlook. Until one day you look back and realize they were carrying far more meaning than you understood. And when that realization happens, maybe the best thing you can do is thank it. Then turn back toward the life that’s happening now. While it’s still here.”
3. Open the Doors. “The Unity Health Center is forging ahead in establishing a primary care center that prioritizes the uninsured, underinsured, and those utilizing Medicaid. Because of your commitment to the health and well-being of the Greater Lansing community, I hope you will join in supporting our important goal of opening doors of a soon to be renovated clinic within the Nonprofit Hub of Child and Family Charities on Greenlawn Avenue in the heart of Lansing, by the end of the year.” Such good people doing such good work.
8. A Poet for Everyone, Even Those Who Don’t Read Poetry on The New York Times. (gift link) “The film ‘Mary Oliver: Saved by the Beauty of the World’ works best when it illuminates her work, whose fans include Stephen Colbert and Oprah Winfrey.”
9. Heart advice from Pema Chödrön: “In the Buddhist teachings, we often come across the analogy of the lotus and the mud. A lotus has its roots in mud. It rises through muddy water until it pierces the surface and blossoms as a gorgeous flower that delights all who see it. The lotus represents the beauty and purity of our fundamental nature — in other words, our basic goodness. And what about that sticky, yucky mud? That symbolizes everything negative within us, everything that we would like to move beyond: our confusion, our self-destructive habits, our tendencies to hide out in a polarized mind and a closed heart. By working through and rising above all these negativities, we discover our basic goodness and achieve our full potential as human beings.” I have two tattoos, one on the inside of my right wrist and one on my lower back, both of them lotus blossoms, to remind me of this, (and because what sort of fool gets a pile of mud tattooed on themselves?).
10. Podcast: Wild Card with Rachel Martin from NPR. “Life’s too short for small talk. Rachel gets right to the questions that matter most. Once a week, famous guests pull questions from a deck of cards and open up about the kind of stuff we all think about but rarely say out loud. Actors, authors, and thinkers are prompted to talk about everything from their insecurities and dreams to grief and God.” I keep seeing short clips of this and finally decided I need to listen to a few full episodes. I also have various decks and books of these sorts of questions and it’s one of my favorite “games” to play.
14. How to Be Present with Grief on Lion’s Roar. “Through painting, photography, and meditation, Erin Eberle explores how creative practice can help us be present with our grief, reconnect with the world, and find our way back to ourselves.”
16. Good stuff from Elizabeth Kleinfeld: Caregiving Is Always Happening (“On anticipatory vigilance, Band-Aid solutions, and showing up imperfectly”), The Hardest Part of Being Generous (“Learning (again) that saying yes to help is its own kind of generosity”), and What the Dogs Know (“On grief, joy, and the year Tom and I learned what our dogs already knew”). I am looking forward to finding some time to do her Journaling for Grief self-paced course.
18. Good stuff from Alix Klingenberg on Earth & Verse:Moonlight Dance Party (“Litha: Poems, prompts, and a ritual to celebrate the longest day”) and If you feel like you’re not writing enough (“how my writing practice changed after publishing four books”).
19. Menage a Moi by Jeanette Winterson. “Living the way that’s right for you… if you can.”
30. Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood has an official YouTube channel. “For more than 30 years, Mister Rogers created a relationship with millions of children, each of whom felt like they were visiting with a trusted friend. The program continues to help children and parents navigate complex emotions through kindness and curiosity. This channel aims to spark wonder and imagination through full episodes, classic Mister Rogers songs and moments, factory visits, musical performances, and much more. It’s a caring place where you are respected, where your feelings matter, where you can laugh and play, and where you are reminded every day that you are special just by being you.”
31. Expansion by Josie George. “From this fixed place, I can stretch and stretch and stretch.”
35. Ask a Sober Oldster #35: Anne Lamott. “When I first got sober, there was somebody, an oldster, who said to me that at the end he was deteriorating faster than he could lower his standards. And that was the point I got to.”
39. ‘Genuinely changed my life’: why Groundhog Day is my feelgood movie. “The latest in our series of writers paying tribute to their favourite comfort films is a pick for a comedy that demands countless rewatching.” This is one of my favorite movies and I rewatch it once a year. Eric and I saw it in the theater when it was originally released, on one of our first official dates, so it also has a lot of sentimental value.
42. Small Thoughts on the Big Life Things from Stacy Morrison. “We age, we grow, we learn, we fail, and yes, we die. How is this reassuring? Somehow, it is. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t all poignant AF.”
43. Flight of the Mothman by Gyasi Hall on Orion Magazine. “Reflections on survival and queer iconography.”
49. Ireland is now paying artists a basic income. Will the idea catch on? “Ireland’s basic income for artists has been made permanent after research showed that it boosted the economy. Other nations have similar schemes. With more homegrown artists now coming from privileged backgrounds and AI disrupting the creative industries, there are calls for the UK to follow suit.”
51. 3,000 Unreasonable Little Arguments on The Isolation Journals with Suleika Jaouad. “Chaos gardening, escaped cows, and why easier isn’t always better.”
52. The best book on writing I’ve ever readby Mason Currey. “Vivian Gornick’s The Situation and the Story.” I have this book but I don’t think I’ve read it yet.
53. Earth, Wind & Fire | Official Trailer | HBO. This is finally available to watch on HBO. “Ahmir ‘Questlove’ Thompson tells the story of the Grammy-award winning band chronicling their evolution, highs and lows, spiritual meaning, and lasting legacy.”
54. how to stay married by Samantha Irby, “very serious and accurate advice.”
58. Are We Good? | Official Trailer | Utopia. “Comic and podcast pioneer Marc Maron reflects on loss and growth after the death of his partner, Lynn Shelton. As he processes grief and crafts comedy, he revisits his career, family struggles, and the evolving comedy world at 60.”
59. The end isn’t nigh on The Imperfectionist from Oliver Burkeman. I really really really needed to hear this.