Gratitude

1. Morning walks. We saw the owl again this week. I heard it barking but couldn’t find it and just when I’d given up, decided to take a picture of the partially dead tree by the river where a cluster of rabbitbrush grows, I saw it sitting on one of the top branches. The moon was full that morning, and even though it was so bright I could have walked without a headlamp, there are skunks some mornings so I lit it up to see any eyes lurking in the grass along the edges of the trail, and because of that I noticed three deer I would have otherwise missed. On a different morning, right after we saw one of our morning trail friends and he’d asked us if we’d seen any bears because we’d told him last week about the three sightings in the area, we saw a pile of bear scat on the trail right by the long low shed where Ringo keeps growling and barking at something.

2. Practice. The yoga class I just started taking again had not one but two subs this week. I love getting to experience a lot of different teaching perspectives, no matter the experience level — I learn as much from someone just starting as I do from a long time teacher. After one class, a woman I know from aqua aerobics who was there taking her first class apologized for watching me so much, “You helped me figure out what I was supposed to be doing.” I didn’t tell her I was also a yoga teacher or that earlier in class I’d wished the teacher had started our flows on the other side so this woman would be able to see me from the beginning because I could tell she was struggling, looking around a lot, and because we started on the left side, I was behind her the first time through each sequence. My yoga class I taught was pretty chaotic this week, with lots of people in and out and even more people and noise in the clinic who weren’t part of our yoga class, but somehow still worked. We had a big group in my Friday morning writing sangha and it was equal parts magic and medicine. I feel so lucky, and so grateful to Laurie for that practice, those people, and the poetry.

3. Poetry. I went from being someone who didn’t “get” poetry to someone who reads poetry every day. Currently I’m reading Where I Dry The Flowers by Ollie Schminkey (one of my current favorite poets, probably because they write a lot about caring for their alcoholic dad as he was dying), and I just ordered three other collections they recommended at the back of their book. When I was reading Ollie’s book yesterday morning, crying over some line, loving it so much, I was thinking about how poetry is currently one of the ways I’m able to keep going, not give up. I have dear friends who are poets, and there were a few poets I loved before I met her, but I have Laurie Wagner, my dear friend and teacher, to thank for bringing me fully under the spell of poetry, for introducing me to the full measure of its magic, its medicine. Thank you, Laurie. I love and miss you. 💜 P.S. She is still around and teaching, just not the Friday morning small class I took with her for 12 years, so I don’t often get to write with her “in person” and I miss that.

4. The gym. I have been going more recently, now that I have more time and energy to take care of myself. There’s always the pool, the hydromassage chair, and the sauna, but I’ve recently started adding some new classes, meeting some new people and reconnecting with some old favorites.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. Eric is very busy this semester, mostly by choice. He was telling me the other day that Thursday mornings were the hardest, because he has a long day on Wednesday and is only home for about an hour before he leaves again to go play D&D and then gets home late, and that on Thursday morning, he has to load my yoga stuff and have a kitchen counter love note ready and take out the garbage. I told him to lower the bar, that he doesn’t have to load my yoga stuff and could take a day off from leaving me a note. He said, “yeah but if I don’t you’ll say ‘why don’t you love me anymore?'”, which I would, but just as a joke. Then I suggested he could do a single heart one morning a week instead of a more elaborate design, so the next morning he left me the one with two — and it was every bit as sweet, just as thoughtful, and I felt as loved as I did every day before that. Ringo continues to be my best friend. The other morning I got up and he had been waiting for me on the bed under my writing desk, which he has finally claimed as his own, which makes me so happy.

Bonus joy: Book club (we read The Hail Mary Project and then when we met to talk about it, watched the movie together and ate pizza, popcorn, and ice cream sandwiches), the onset of fall — the cooler temperatures and things starting to turn golden and the light, the surprise of my morning glories and the particular deep purple blue of the blooms, a new laptop (which I’ll need to set up before my next blog post as this one took me forever, my current computer being slow just to remind me why I got a new one), lunch plans with Eric today and Carrie tomorrow, sleeping in, giving myself permission to rest, cooking, getting the laundry done on Saturday morning, payday, clean sheets, a warm shower, making Eric laugh, a hot cup of coffee and warm mug of tea, watching cooking shows (Mythical Kitchen’s Last Meals and Dish are my two current favorites, and might be considered “podcasts” rather than “shows” even though they are on video — which is so confusing!), good books, listening to podcasts (different than the ones on video, although some of them are also available on video…why?! What even is a podcast if it’s available as a video?!), watermelon, peaches, green onion, fresh eggs, texting with Chloe’ and Chris, not being on social media much at all if ever (y’all, I feel so much better without it), ceramics, collections of tiny things, rain, air conditioning, down pillows and blankets, stickers, gingerbread (I can tell fall is coming because I’ve been craving it, zucchini bread too), reading my Kindle in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.

Something Good

Image by Eric

1. Poetry: Summer Grass by Carl Sandburg, What the Desk Might Have Said Back and The Fall and Real Love and One in the Garden by Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer, Da Mystery of Supercooled Liquids by JeFF Stumpo, After the Mourning by Julie Barton, On My Mother’s Birthday and Something More Beautiful by James Crews, Don’t Hesitate by Mary Oliver shared by Patti Digh, Field Trip by W. Travis Helms, and Why I Wake Early by Mary Oliver on Heart Poems.

2. Andrea’s Final Wish by Megan Falley.

3. The real reason many Americans are cutting ties with their parents and siblings. In related news, A New Explanation for Family Estrangement.

4. Hanging out with friends is good for your mental health. This study calculated the ‘perfect hang’ down to the minute.

5. Fat people cannot win, regardless of what we do. And I’ve had enough on The Guardian. “Using weight loss drugs like Ozempic is not ‘cheating’ – and why does it matter how a person changes their body anyway?”

6. Pep Talk: You get your own best time by Maggie Smith. I agree with Maggie, but not entirely with this: “If I have ten minutes to scroll Instagram, or fifteen minutes in a waiting room, or a half hour on the sidelines of a soccer field during my son’s warm-ups before the game, I have time to start something.” The reality is the ten minutes you have to scroll, etc. aren’t the always the same ten minutes you have to write about the color red, or the neighbor’s cat, or your first kiss. They simply just may not be the same ten minutes, so give yourself a break.

7. The Resilience of Uncertainty: How to Hold the Universe in You by Maria Popova on The Marginalian.

8. Cursive is making a comeback. But does it deserve one? When I first heard they’d stopped teaching this in schools, I thought it was a joke.

9. You can’t argue your way out of a limiting belief. “You don’t talk yourself out of it. You out-evidence it.”

10. Five nature prompts for a slow week, “activities to reconnect with the natural world wherever you live.”

11. ‘It exists only for pleasure’: does ice-cream have a future in the age of wellness fads and weight-loss drugs? on The Guardian. “As fitness-conscious consumers turn away from processed foods, the industry is scrambling for new ideas, including nutrient-rich lollies and protein-packed tubs. Will they take the fun out of this summer treat?”

12. Radical Self-Care in a National Nightmare on The Beautiful Mess by John Pavlovitz. Also from John, Most People Still Supporting Trump Aren’t Stupid. They Know Exactly What He Is.

13. It’s the Tiny Things – The First Day of School Sign. “Nostalgia and regret can be haunting.”

14. The Books of My Life by Patti Digh.

15. On How to Know When You’re Done from Jami Attenberg on Craft Talk. Also from Jamie, I’d Rather Write This Than Go on Goodreads, “Tracking all the books I’ve read lately.”

16. Not Today by Elizabeth Kleinfeld. “On Buddhism, disability, and choosing rest without calling it defeat.”

17. 5 Relatable Things Keeping Your Home Cluttered from Courtney Carver on Be More With Less.

18. Buddhist Practices to Prepare You for Death on Lion’s Roar. “Death is a journey into the unknown. Like any journey, it goes better if you’re prepared. Andrew Holecek shares teachings from Tibetan Buddhism to help.”

19. What Happened To The Analog Life Project? “On creative pressure, unrealistic expectations, and learning to let a good idea unfold at a human pace.”

20. The story of Witch Island would make a really good novel.

21. It’s Not the Event. It’s the Meaning You Give It. “On how perspective changes everything, and how to find it when you’re spiraling” on Notes From My Phone.

22. Art Can Be A Good Companion. “A comic about doing what makes you come alive” from Connie Sun.

23. Goldenrod on Short Reads by by Emily Hall. “In search of color.”

P.S. Kind and gentle reader: My computer is being dumb, so I had to put this list together on my cranky, slow, awkward, old laptop that I only use for Zoom, and it was no fun. It would have been easier if I’d written you a list by hand!

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