Tag Archives: Gratitude

Reverb14: Day 25

cozyProject Reverb prompt: “What are you so grateful for? How did you count your blessings in 2014?”

I write a post every Friday with a list of all the things I’m grateful for. Last week I was on retreat and didn’t know how good my internet connection would be, so I didn’t post one for the first time in 137 weeks. I discovered later that I did have an okay internet connection, and posted a few Reverb responses, but I didn’t remember Gratitude Friday until Monday, so decided to wait. Lucky me there is this chance now. I have so much to be grateful for…

  • Making the choice to get another dog. It was hard, a close call, not for sure at all, risky, but now we are so glad we did it. Ringo is such a comedian, so independent and strong willed, can be so sweet and has helped us heal as much as we can from Dexter’s loss. And in my humble opinion, two dogs really are better than one. ringoandsam
  • Finally, finally, finally figuring out what’s been wrong with Sam. At the beginning of the year when we first brought Ringo home, we thought we were close to having to let Sam go. He was so miserable and no one could tell us why or how to help him. Now we know that he has sensitive skin on his mouth prone to infection and a food allergy that we are working to identify that leads to chronic ear infections. Poor dude also got diagnosed with Pannus, which can lead to blindness, but does mean he gets to wear these cool sunglasses. (We’re still working to convince him that there’s anything cool about his Doggles).samglasses
  • Finishing yoga teacher training. A big part of that is having a partner willing to take over and be in charge of everything, including a difficult puppy and a sick older dog, all the weekends I was away doing my own thing. I’m grateful for the friendships I made, for the kindness and wisdom of my teachers, and for the opportunities I’ve had to practice. sundaymorningyoga
  • Good health for me and those I love. It’s been touch and go a few times, and there were a few mysteries and some worry, but all in all it’s been okay, good even. My brother wrote in his Christmas card to us, “I’m wishing you health above all for Christmas … dogs too.” That was the best thing he could wish for us, the most precious.
  • Financial ease. I am grateful almost every day that Eric and I are in a situation where we don’t have to worry, can afford the things that matter to us, what we need and want, are able to help even. There are so many who don’t have this, and I feel lucky, lucky, lucky.
  • Friendship. I have awesome friends — smart and kind and funny.
  • I love where I live. Close to most of what I want to be close to, nice neighbors, good weather, beautiful scenery, the river and the mountains, big enough but also still small enough with quiet wild spots still accessible.
  • My job at CSU. The perfect fit of what I’m good at and what others need.
  • Books and the people who keep writing them. I got an Amazon Kindle from Eric for Christmas, and he took the change from our piggy bank and cashed it in for Amazon credit, $168, so ALL THE BOOKS!
  • Teachers, guides, healers, and companions who helped me heal, to be well. I had a little Christmas miracle last night when I identified a specific hunger (needing Christmas to feel special, even though we were spending it mostly alone), knew how to feed it (going out for Chinese food at one of our favorite restaurants, then coming home and watching “Elf”), and asked for it, gave it to myself, allowed myself to have it until I was full. In the past, I might have stayed home and ate leftovers and felt sad, or gone out for dinner and stuffed myself full of food until I was sick, all without being able to identify or be honest about what I was really feeling. I can only do so now because I’ve done a lot of work and had a lot of help along the way.
  • Love and confidence. Knowing I am loved, not being afraid to love, knowing that if someone doesn’t like or accept me that’s okay, knowing that what I have to offer matters, makes a difference, knowing who I am and honoring that.
  • My kind and gentle readers. I come here to work through all the things I’m trying to figure out. I show up and tell my story, and other people gather and listen, hold this space for me, offer support and love. I am amazed by it, and so so so grateful. Happy, Merry Everything to you, kind and gentle reader. ❤

#reverb13: Day 11

reverb13Project Reverb prompt: “FAIL | What just didn’t work out this year? Is that okay with you? Or are you going to try, try again?”

Taking on too much. All you’d have to do is walk into my office at home right now and you’d be able to see it, the chaos and the overwhelm. It doesn’t work out, but I keep doing it. I posted on Facebook yesterday that “I’m feeling like the Jenga tower must feel at that moment when no matter what piece the next player pulls, the whole thing is going to come down.”

I continue to aspire to pare down, lower the bar, simplify, but saying “no” to really good stuff is hard. Right now I am in an Intuitive Eating book group, getting daily emails from four holiday programs (all intended to bring calm, ease to the season), taking part in all three Reverbs, and I took on an extra three people to buy gifts for. Oh yeah, and I have a full time job.

I also failed taking care of my body this year. I haven’t fed it what it wanted, when it wanted. I haven’t given it the rest it needs but rather pushed it past its limits. I haven’t let it move the way it wants to. I was talking with my trainer yesterday, and clarified something for myself by saying it out loud to him — My body actually wants 2-3 hours of intentional movement a day. I’m one of those people who actually loves exercise, getting out and moving around. Even on a rest day, my body at least wants a walk. And yet, because I am so busy and tired, I can’t give it this. I push and then I struggle.

It all boils down to this: I haven’t been honoring my hunger or fullness, in any aspect of my life.

Reverb13 prompt: “What challenges lie ahead in 2014? How might you meet them boldly?”

The challenges that I’m aware of: Yoga teacher training, an ebook about self-compassion, a new (to us) dog, spending money more mindfully, resisting ecourses and new books, new responsibilities at CSU, continuing to practice intuitive eating, working with anxiety that keeps showing up, a crisis of confidence and an awareness that love is never safe.

How to meet them boldly? Show up, keep my heart open, be present, pace myself, soothe and comfort myself when I feel overwhelmed, practice self-compassion, honor my hunger and my fullness in all areas of my life.

Besottment Prompt: “10 things you were thankful for in 2013?”

Besides the 5-6 things I’ve listed each week in my Gratitude Friday lists,

  1. Eric — how could I do it, any of it, without him?
  2. Sam — he’s helped me through my grief twice now.
  3. Dexter’s easy death, the extra time we had with him.
  4. Friendship, love and connection, support and guidance.
  5. Self-compassion, for all those who’ve taught me and for the chance to practice.
  6. Kind and gentle readers.
  7. Intuitive eating.
  8. Smart phones — I was skeptical, but now I can’t imagine not having it.
  9. Financial stability, in a time when it seems so many are struggling.
  10. All the good things, all the amazing people and the brilliant stuff they create and do. I make a list every Monday and am always gobsmacked.