Day of Rest: 23 Years In

From our walk this morning

From our walk this morning

He told me to turn around, that if we took the picture from this angle, the sun was in it, but  I wanted the sun in it, right over our heads, the flares of light blurring our faces.

Not much has changed in 23 years, unless you count just about everything. At the beginning, I thought by this point that if we made it this far together things would be easy. I didn’t understand that adulting would be so hard, that so many awful things would happen, to us and around us. I thought I was stronger, saner. I thought if I was with him, if we were together, the ordinary magic of that would surround us, protect us from the bad stuff.

And yet it has, in a way. I’m not sure if I’d still be here if it weren’t for his love and support, the way he makes me laugh. The partnership, the rub of having someone always there, can at times be irritating, but it’s also the glue that keeps it all from falling apart.

And I know I already shared it last month, but it seems right to post it here again, especially today: In this month’s issue of Sun Magazine they shared a beautiful poem, “A Marriage” by Michael Blumenthal, that feels especially true to me.

You are holding up a ceiling
with both arms. It is very heavy,
but you must hold it up, or else
it will fall down on you. Your arms
are tired, terribly tired,
and, as the day goes on, it feels
as if either your arms or the ceiling
will soon collapse.

But then,
something wonderful happens:
a man or a woman,
walks into the room
and holds their arms up
to the ceiling beside you.

So you finally get
to take down your arms.
You feel the relief of respite,
the blood flowing back
to your fingers and arms.
And when your partner’s arms tire,
you hold up your own
to relieve him again.

And it can go on like this
for many years
without the house falling.

Here’s to another 23 years taking turns holding up the ceiling, keeping the house from falling. I love you, Mr. Salahub. You are my favorite.

Gratitude Friday

Aspens at Lady Moon Meadow

Aspens at Lady Moon Meadow

1. Fall. The color, the cooler weather, the shift from ice cream to soup, from bare feet to wool socks.

2. Ringo and Sam. How good they’ve been playing together, how cute they are when they help me take a shower, how sweet it is to take a nap with them, how much they love to go on a walk, how much Ringo likes going to training classes and Sam likes sleeping in.




How does such a big dude curl up so tiny?

How does such a big dude curl up so tiny?

3. Being a teacher and being a student. I’ve been subbing a lot of yoga lately, one of my favorite groups of people. I also started meditation instructor training with the Open Heart Project and continue Wild Writing. In both my yoga and Wild Writing this week there was the surprise of old friends dropping in, and it was so good to see them, practice with them.

Twin baby deer, camouflaged

Twin baby deer, camouflaged so well the dogs didn’t even see them

4. Early morning walks. This past week we saw the twins, their mama nowhere in sight. I heard two owls at the top of a narrowleaf cottonwood tree talking to each other, but no matter how long I looked, I couldn’t see them. And the mornings have been so dark because of the change of season that when we first start, the stars are still out.

5. My tiny family. I feel equally like I totally deserve them AND it’s pure luck.


Bonus joy: working on writing projects about people who are both interesting and goodhearted, the last of the watermelon, roasted vegetables, the last of the tomato gratin (*sob*), sleeping in, my foot flaring up for half a day but then calming back down, a plan for dealing with what’s hard, Eric surprise washing my car and weeding the front flowerbed when I told him my to-do list, a special breakfast and massage scheduled for tomorrow, good tv, good books, a long soak in a hot tub, the weekend.

Three Truths and One Wish

1. Truth: I’m tired. I’ve been subbing some yoga classes the past few weeks, and for every class I teach, I practice it at least once, so it’s been a lot of yoga and getting up early. And of course all the other reasons I’m usually tired are still true. They didn’t take time off while I was teaching.

2. Truth: As tired as I get, I keep going. This picture made me think about that, because it happens when I go hiking too, especially when it’s a new trail I’ve never been on before. There’s something about being curious, wanting to keep going and see what’s around the next corner.

3. Truth: Curiosity and a sense of humor are essential, especially if we are talking about how to not give up, how to keep going, even when we are tired.

One wish: May we find rest, stay curious, and never lose our sense of humor.

Something Good


1. Twitter Reveals How God Created Animals. Thanks to Eric, this might just be the best thing I’ve ever shared. My favorite, of course, is the one about dogs.

2. When to Go Out and When to Stay In, a really helpful infographic.

3. I Am From, from Jena Schwartz, who said about it, “You know those ‘I Am From’ poems kids write in elementary school? Well, I used it as a prompt and here’s what happened.” One of my favorite writing prompts.

4. The Lenny Interview: Lidia Yuknavitch. “I think if you want to write, you should write. What path or what form that takes is incredibly individual. If you’re an artist and you’re searching for forms of self-expression, you have to invent your own path. My life experiences, if you wrote them down on a list, look a little crooked, and who cares?”

5. Yes, There Is Such a Thing as an ‘Introvert’ Hangover. In related news, Introvert Hangovers Can Be Really Rough.

6. 18 Books Every White Ally Should Read.

7. Good stuff from Alexandra Franzen: If you want to be a professional writer… and Try to stay here if you can.

8. The Lenny Interview: Sarah McLachlan, in which the interviewer says, “In 2016, we’re still arguing about whether you can elevate women without hating men” and Sarah responds,

I think you can, but there’s always going to be people who feel emasculated by that. Over the past 50 or 60 years, women have gone from being barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen to CEOs of corporations and presidents of countries — which is amazing, but it’s a massive, seismic shift in culture. There’s been very little work done to help men come around to that. They have thousands of years of caveman dominance in their genes. That’s a hard shift, to go from “I’m in charge” to “Oh, I’m supposed to stay home and change diapers, and you’re going to run the company?”

I see a lot of young men who really are egalitarian, and I think that’s because mothers and fathers are teaching their children that this is how it should be. But it takes many generations for that change to penetrate. Look at Trump. Look at the bigots and the racists and the hatred that was simmering underneath the surface. He’s given them all a voice. As much as I’m horrified by Trump, it’s good that he’s done this because it’s brought everything to a boil. We need to talk about that and try and fix it.

9. Head, heart, hands, and hustle from Austin Kleon.

10. Dropping the Narrative, good advice from Seth Godin.

11. Just F*cking Journal ClassOctober 17th-22nd, with Jamie Greenwood. “6 days. 6 fresh prompts. 6 ways to reconnect with YOU.” FREE.

12. A Short Guide to Starting, if You’re Struggling from Zen Habits.

13. Why Body Image Work Hasn’t Worked from Be Nourished. “Healing body dissatisfaction/loathing is not necessarily about liking the image of your body. It’s not solely about changing the way you see your body. It is very much about turning toward and unraveling the internalized body loathing, shame and oppression that have turned your body into a thing needing to be altered and improved. This cultural stuff was never yours, though you may feel overrun by it.”

14. Mind of Autumn, a podcast from Upaya with Natalie Goldberg & Wendy Johnson. In this dharma talk, Natalie Goldberg and Wendy Johnson begin their writing retreat Mind of Autumn where they set the tone by stating, “Autumn calls us to a still and silent place, and beckons us to sit back and observe a little deeper.” During the first part of the talk, Natalie Goldberg says, “Forget everything else and become an English major.” Word.

15. The View From Here from Laurie Wagner. “I’m not standing under a chuppah, I’m not embarking on the beginning of a shared domestic life with another, but I am standing somewhere, I know it, I just haven’t begun to string the words together yet.”

16. The Secret Ingredient You Should Add to Roasted Vegetables. Tis’ the season.

17. The Undeniable Rape Culture Of Donald Trump. In related news, If you don’t vote against Donald Trump, we may all soon regret it.

18. A White Helmet Volunteer’s Emotional Rescue Of A Baby Girl.

19. Everybody Wants To Rule the World with special guests, Curt Smith and drummer Jamie Wollam.

20. 10 Photos Represent The 67% Of Women We Don’t See Enough.

21. A story from Ashley Owens. “This story is MY OWN personal experience. THIS IS NOT A PARODY, and I AM NOT AN AUTHOR.” This is what racism looks like. If this doesn’t make you angry, I don’t know what else to tell you.

22. Stay Beautiful: Ugly Truth In Beauty Magazines.

23. This House Costs Just $20,000—But It’s Nicer Than Yours.

24. Will & Grace, and Jack & Karen, Are Back With a New Scene About the 2016 Election.

25. US Navy Veteran, Al Woolum, a grandfather, took a knee during the Star Spangled Banner.

26. Yes, I’ve Gained Weight. “I’ve gained weight because it’s actually a totally normal thing bodies do and it’s absolutely none of your fucking business. If my weight in any way impacts how you see me as a person, a friend, a colleague or lover, then I would like to terminate that relationship immediately, because that is not the kind of bigoted prejudice I want in my life.”

27. A Purple Post, a new one from Mikalina.

28. Two fun October things, that have already started but it’s not too late to join: Booktoberfest, a “books and writing Instagram challenge” hosted by Jenny Bravo with daily prompts, and 10Q, “10 days, 10 questions” (you get the question, log in and answer it, and it’s sent to a “secret vault” where it waits until next year, when they send your responses back to you).

29. 10 Ways White Liberals Perpetuate Racism. In related news, The People’s Guide To Navigating Racial Awkwardness.

Day of Rest


Most likely the last berries of the season from our garden

Inspired by Andrea and Laurie’s lists in I wish people would pay me to hold their hand on airplanes, I wrote my own.

I wish people would pay me to love dogs.
I wish people would pay me to read books.
I wish people would pay me to write with them.
I wish people would pay me to make them lists of things they need to read or see or listen to.
I wish people would pay me to pick out the perfect gift.
I wish people would pay me to wait with them.
I wish people would pay me to cry.
I wish people would pay me to go on a long walk with them.
I wish people would pay me to organize their junk drawers.
I wish people would pay me to notice.
I wish people would pay me to read them to sleep.

Gratitude Friday

coloradosky021. Colorado sky, especially the sunrises and sunsets.

2. Colorado in fall, especially the aspens when then turn gold. Hopefully this weekend we are going to drive around and get some pictures, see some fall.


Image by Eric, Pingree Park


I mean, seriously, right?! Image by Eric, Pingree Park


Image by Eric, Pingree Park

3. Sam and Ringo. I love them so much, and while sometimes that is so hard, it’s worth it.

ringofall02 ringotennisball samloungingyard


4. Wild Writing. The class I take with Laurie and the other women that write with us is/are magic, and the one I led with meditation in between the writing sessions in my living room with two of my best friends last weekend was medicine.

5. Prisma. I don’t play with this app as much as Eric, but it’s pretty fun, and it really shows off Ringo’s coat made of stars.

prismaringo prismasamBonus joy: being able to work from home, paid sick days, pay day, a whole weekend with no real plans, signing up for Susan Piver’s Fearlessly Creative retreat, a watermelon ripe enough to share, soaking in a hot bath, teaching yoga and feeling calm and like I know what I’m doing, a hot cup of tea, clean pjs, clean sheets, napping with the dogs, when Eric gets home from work, tomato gratin with tomatoes and basil and onion from our garden, pizza with fresh pineapple and leftover bbq and basil from the garden for toppings, our garden even as it fades, the cooler weather even as it fades our garden, the amazing sunrise this morning that set the sky on fire, paying bills, my new car, my new bathroom which almost a year later probably doesn’t count as new anymore, fresh flowers in the bathroom, a good pair of jeans.

Three Truths and One Wish


1. Truth: Right now it’s hard to talk about what’s true. People ask me how I’m doing, and it’s just easier to say “good” or “fine.” I’m trying to figure it out, trying to navigate rough terrain, and it doesn’t feel like something I want to make public — if I ever do. In fact, if I haven’t already talked to you about it, please don’t ask.

2. Truth: Trying to find the root of my suffering has been difficult. There are so many things layered on top of the point of origin that need to be dug up and untangled. Each new discovery has the potential to confuse and distract me from the real source.

3. Truth: Sometimes telling the truth is hard because you know someone else is going to immediately try to deny it or downplay it. There are so many ways this is manifesting in my life — personal, professional, and public. I spend a lot of time lately weighing the value of speaking out against the harm of staying silent.

One wish: That we keep digging, keep trying, don’t give up, and know that we have the right to say “this is mine.”