January | 2015 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

Medicine Buddha at Om Ananda Yoga Studio

1. Yoga. Teaching it, practicing, learning more, cultivating a relationship with my body and the present moment, embodying practice.

2. Meditation. The Daily Dharma Gathering, connecting to my breath and the present moment, cultivating a friendship with myself, learning how my mind works, understanding what it means to relax.

Pancakes by Eric, Marionberry sauce by my aunt, dog hair on the plate by either Ringo or Sam, eaten by me.

3. Marionberries, and all the tasty things you can make out of them. They only grow in Oregon, were developed in the place where I grew up — Marion County. I can order jam online, but still haven’t figured out a way to get pie delivered.

Love note from Eric with an arrow so I don’t miss it.

4. Eric. Laughing with him, hugging in the kitchen next to the warm oven, reminiscing about how much work Ringo was a year ago, the love notes he leaves me on the counter, how he asks me “Are you okay, Packo?” (Yup, that’s our nickname for each other, long story).

You can really see in this picture how much bigger Sam is than Ringo.

5. Sweet Sam and Ringo Blue. I still miss my Obi and Dexter, wish I had them back, am not over losing them, but I sure do love the two I have now.

Bonus Joy: Warmer weather which was like a little taste of Spring, watching a live streamed reading from poet David Whyte, my CSU work going well, teaching a yoga class of 15 people, the new twist and balance series I created, finding out I can order the Marionberry Jam I like so much direct from the company that makes it, writing and lunch dates with good friends, honoring my limits by skipping or canceling some things, prioritizing what’s important, remembering how much I like Field Report’s music, watching Glee even though it’s not as good as it was in the beginning.

1. Truth: I usually write these posts on Tuesdays, but I had a lot of other stuff to do yesterday. I didn’t forget, and actually I could have found the time, but I felt like I was already doing enough, got to a certain point in my day and knew that I needed to slow down, stop, rest, and I knew I could write today if I wanted. This is how my days work: I find time for the things I value, and sometimes things that matter have to wait.

2. Truth: I have a lot going on today too. I started by getting up at 5 a.m. like always, spent half an hour writing, took a shower, then taught a yoga class, and afterwards stopped at the store to pick up some lunch on my way to work at CSU where I’ve been ever since. I’m tired. I already sent an email to say Ringo and I won’t be making it to our training class tonight. Every day, every moment is about assessing my energy levels, checking in with myself to see where I’m at, asking my body how it’s doing and what it needs.

3. Truth: I’m learning to be gentle with myself. For so many years, I pushed and bullied, wore myself out, smashed myself to bits. The person I was would have never skipped a blog post or missed a training class. She also wouldn’t have agreed to substitute teach a yoga class unless she thought she could do it perfectly. The me of today is going to finish my work, go home and and change into some comfy clothes, enjoy what’s left of the sunshine while drinking a big glass of water, then heat up some of the casserole leftover from last night and park her butt on the couch, cuddle a few dogs and watch some TV.

One wish: May we listen to our hungers. May we trust ourselves to know what we need. May we nourish ourselves. May our efforts ease suffering, in ourselves and in the world.