Monthly Archives: February 2015

Gratitude Friday

1. Quiet. Time and space, stillness.

2. Ringo’s toe healing. It’s been tough to keep his activity so restricted, especially when there’s a yard full of snow to run in, but he’s been such a good patient. It’s also given me the opportunity to really work with the anxiety I have around the dogs being hurt or sick, the ways that I make myself suffer and struggle, worrying about doing the right thing, not making a mistake, trying to control things. It’s been so uncomfortable, but also so helpful.

restriction3. Snow. It’s restricted my movement and I am feeling ready for winter to be over, but I also know it will soon be over, so I’m also appreciating it while it is here. I walked the dogs for two hours yesterday morning in 17 degrees while it was snowing, and it was more beautiful than miserable.

4. Pay day. I am so lucky to have a job, to be able to pay my bills and tuck some money aside, to have the luxury of spending a little on things that aren’t really necessary.

5. My brother. It’s his birthday today. I came from a big extended family, but only have one true sibling. I’m so grateful for him.

meandchris02Bonus joy: Gortex, wool, down, snow tires, heat, feeling like I know what I’m doing, making someone laugh, laughing with Eric, kale salad, chocolate mini muffins, having things work out, losing my keys and then finding them, a good hat, birds, foxes, dog sighs, cancelled plans, taking it slow, reading, eating when I’m hungry, water, how our bodies can heal without needing us to take charge of the process, sleep, tears, the beach, long walks, warm slippers, grapefruit juice, practice.

Three Truths and One Wish

From our walk this morning

From our walk this morning

1. Truth: I generate my own suffering. When I think about any problem I have, distill it down to its most essential and most fundamental quality, I can clearly see that it is resistance, disappointment, a rejection of reality — this is what makes me suffer, and it is of my own making. I choose how to think about and respond to what arises, and I don’t always make the best choices.

2. Truth: I get upset about the possibility of making a mistake. I try so hard to prevent it, get obsessed with how to fix whatever is “wrong,” can’t stop looking for ways to prevent complications, spend way too much time preparing and worrying, am constantly second guessing myself, and fall into an utter panic when I think I’ve messed up or made the wrong choice and somehow caused more suffering.

3. Truth: The only antidote is self-compassion and surrender. I can trust myself to do my best. I can forgive myself when things go wrong. I can let myself off the hook. I can be with my own pain, gentle and open. I can remember that life is part preparation and part letting go. I can relax.

Another one from our walk this morning

Another one from our walk this morning

One Wish: That I know deep down in my bones that I can’t control everything. That I find ease in that awareness. May all those like me soften, be gentle with themselves, ask for help when they need it, let go of any expectation of perfection, and may we all surrender to our experience just as it is — tender and terrible, beautiful and brutal.