Project Reverb prompt: “Coulda woulda shoulda: What didn’t you do this year because you were too scared, afraid, unsure? Are you going to do it next year? Or maybe you don’t want to anymore?”
I didn’t always tell the truth because I was too scared.
I didn’t love myself completely because I was too afraid.
I wasn’t “all the way true to the call of my brilliant heart” because I was unsure.
I didn’t always let myself rest or grieve because I was too scared, too afraid, too unsure.
I didn’t let go of old habits of numbing out because I was too scared.
I wasn’t always present, sometimes didn’t show up because I was too afraid.
I didn’t surrender, let go, give up because I was unsure.
I’m going to next year, all of it. I’m going to be my own soft place to land. I won’t abandon myself, and if I do, I will be gentle, forgiving, have a sense of curiosity and humor about it.
Reverb14 prompt: “Loving what is: It’s all too easy to put off loving where we are until everything is perfect. What can you love about where you are now?”
I love that I’m still figuring it all out. I love that I’m confused. I love that I’m distracted, bewildered. I love how sweet and loving I can be, how gentle. I love how generous I am, even though it’s hard for me to receive. I love how tender, raw, and brokenhearted I sometimes feel. I love being able to laugh. I love my friends, so smart and kind and funny. I love my body and all that it enables me to do, how it allows the mess and the brilliance that is me to be embodied. I love that Eric and I still have to negotiate our relationship, that after all this time we still don’t have it perfect or right. I love Ringo’s exuberance. I love Sam’s laziness. I love how they balance each other out. I love knowing what I’m doing, being certain, but also not knowing. I love my practice — writing, meditation, yoga, and dog. I love what I’ve been able to accomplish and all the opportunity and possibility still available to me. I love reverbing. I love blogging. I love you.