August Moon: Obstacles


Today Kat’s prompt asks about obstacles. “What tends to trip you up? What is your kryptonite?” Any specific obstacle of mine typically falls into one of three categories:

  • A lack of confidence. I have forgotten who I am, doubt has crept in. Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche once said, “we think we are rocks, but we are gold.” He didn’t mean that we should feel like we are special, or that we should use this information to build up our ego into thinking we are better or more important than anyone else. He meant that we all, every being, are precious, have basic goodness, and that our true nature is compassionate and wise. We simply need to get out of the way and manifest, embody it. Susan Piver describes it this way, “Confidence is the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.”
  • A need to be loved. When we are babies, we depend on others to care enough about us so that they will care for us, feed us and keep us safe. We would die without their love. Somehow as an adult I haven’t been able to let this go. I find myself doing things and not doing other things in an attempt to earn the affection of others. It is too important to me, still, that people like me, that I don’t make them uncomfortable or irritated, that I give them what they want, need, like, believing that they will then do the same for me. I forget that I can be love, take care of myself, that I can be my own best friend, save myself.
  • Being stuck, in old habits, ways of being. For example, when I’m tired and what I need is real rest, maybe even sleep, what I do instead is either push through it, do more, try harder, and get overwhelmed, or I numb out, shut down, watch TV or eat, reject rest, resist the letting go.

The bigger issue: confusion. A lack of confidence is confusion about who I am, what I’m capable of, what I’m allowed to do and be. A need to be loved is confusion about my own capacity to be love. Being stuck is confusion about reality, an illusion about my ability to move, what’s really stopping me, holding me back. I am my biggest obstacle.

8 thoughts on “August Moon: Obstacles

  1. Mary Montanye

    I know that place! The parking lot of the 804 Trail. When I walk it now I will know that you stood there and took that photo. It’s perfect for your post. And your post reminds me that we are all not so very unalike. I could have written this list about me. Thank you for sharing yourself so openly, Jill. So helpful …

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      Oh no, Mary. I almost don’t want to tell you, don’t want to ruin it for you, but this is actually in the parking lot of Drift Creek, just north of Waldport. But I have walked the 804, many times — do you know about the secret forest there?

      P.S. Happy Birthday! ♥

      Reply
  2. Mary Montanye

    Wow! That’s amazing. The sign is almost exactly the same. But now that I look at the background more closely I can see the land goes up a little bit behind it and the beach and water are too close. Is the secret forest to the east of the path as you walk north towards the beach? When you’re getting pretty close to where the path enters the beach?

    Reply

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