07 | April | 2015 | A Thousand Shades of Gray

Chicken coop, The Farm, image by my brother

1. Truth: There are certain places, spaces that are so powerful, mean so much to me, I carry them with me everywhere I go. “Our” house in Waldport, that particular seven mile stretch of beach, 27 Powers (my friend Laurie’s magic home), my own meditation shrine, Shambhala Mountain Center, Lee Martinez Park, 122 SE Division Street (the house I grew up in), and The Farm.

2. Truth: Some of these places are exactly as I remember them, some have changed so much they are barely recognizable. This year, for the first time in about eight years, my mom’s family celebrated Easter at The Farm. It’s their family farm, where she grew up and where we did too, and even though my uncle still works the land, after my grandma passed away they rented the house out to another family. That family recently moved out and my cousin and his family are moving in, so this year they offered to host Easter dinner there. My mom said they’ve done a lot of nice updates to the house, so it doesn’t look quite the same anymore, and yet this picture my brother took of the chicken coop out back looks exactly the same as I remember.

3. Truth: I feel incredibly lucky to have these places, these people, these connections, these memories. My brother posted the picture of the chicken coop on Facebook with the caption, “It’s just a chicken coop…but so much more. Would love to read what my sister could write about this picture.” There is so much sweetness mixed with the sad in life.

One wish: May anyone who is struggling, suffering with grief or illness or loss or loneliness receive a bit of sweetness, feel a little light, know enough love to keep them from giving up.

April Love prompt: “what nourishes me”: practice (yoga, meditation, writing, and dog), my tiny family, the beach, long walks, nature, sunshine, cooking, eating well, music and movement, being creative, reading, story, naps, rest, quiet, stillness, calm, being in relationship, generosity, service, laughter, love.

April Moon prompt: “the last time I felt completely relaxed was”: What makes this difficult to answer is the addition of the condition “completely.” I feel somewhat or mostly relaxed a lot — when I meditate, when I practice yoga, even when I teach yoga, when I’m reading or writing, when I’m walking the dogs, when I’m hanging out with Eric, when we are at “our” house at the beach, when I’m watching movies with my mom, when I’m having lunch with a good friend, when I’m at work with my door closed, when I get in bed at night, when I’m doing laundry or buying groceries or waiting in line at the post office — but “completely”? Not so much. In fact, I’m not sure if I’m ever completely relaxed, even when I’m asleep. There’s a part of me that just can’t let go, won’t shut up, finds it hard to settle down. I’m working on it, but I’m just not all the way there yet.