Project Reverb prompt: “What one word could describe your 2014?”
My word for 2014: Home. This is the word I picked to guide my year, the intention I set. I explained my choice at the beginning of the year this way,
This next year, I long for a return home, to feel at home — in my body, my house, my work, my job, my relationships, my life. I long for the sense of comfort, safety, authority, belonging and ease that comes with “home.” I want to nest right where I am, to clear out room, make space, settle in. The process of clearing is related to what Rumi says, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” And it’s not just about me, solitary and alone, but as Ram Dass says, “we are all just walking each other home.”
In my mid-year review of my choice, I described my intention in more detail and reflected on the surprises it brought me in the first six months of 2014. I said,
Choosing “home” to guide me, as a reminder of how I want to experience my life, has been of great benefit to me. It has also surprised me. I knew it meant literally being home, a return to a simpler way of being, bringing all my resources to focus on this place, it’s physical form and the space inside of me, shelter and shape. What I forgot was that it would also mean confronting the monsters under my bed, the skeletons in my closet, the dirty dishes in the sink.
All of this, the obstacles and unexpected difficulty, force me to be honest — about who I am, what I want, what I’m doing, what I value. It means saying “no” more often. It means lowering the bar. Letting go, surrender. Staying with the discomfort rather than freaking out and running away, staying awake rather than numbing out. Keeping my heart open.
As the end of 2014 nears, I feel settled in, comfortable with my choice and my intention, content with how things unfolded — I feel like I’m home. There’s still work to be done, but I’m no longer homesick for myself and I live where I live.
Reverb14 prompt: “The idea of rooting down into your own personal beliefs and center of truth is an ongoing process, and many things can serve as anchors or roots as you move through life. What rooted or anchored you in 2014? And where do you want to put down roots in 2015?”
What rooted or anchored you in 2014: practice (yoga, meditation, writing, and dog), study, long walks with the dogs, my marriage, family and friends, faith in basic goodness, clarity about who I truly am, knowing what I wanted my life to be like, what I wanted to experience and feel, stillness and quiet, rest and ease, love, love, love.
Where I want to put down roots in 2015: nourishment in both meanings of the word, (to feed and to cherish), being embodied boundlessness (Space Dancer), my tiny family, practice, teaching, my own truth, my fundamental nature, simplicity, and love, love, love.