Reverb 2013: Day 27

reverb13Project Reverb prompt: “Pee your pants funny | What was the funniest thing that happened this year? Was it funny when it happened? Or was it one of those things you laughed about later?”

This was already a prompt from Besottment, and my answer on that day was “Honestly, the last year wasn’t exactly a laugh riot. I know there have been multiple times when Eric has made me laugh, or I made him laugh, or Sam made us both laugh, or something else altogether made me laugh, I just can’t think of any worth repeating.”

The funniest video I saw this year, which I drive Eric nuts by reciting, is “Potty Talk! 3 year old contemplates the effects of his diet.” It makes me ridiculously happy.

The funny thing I have to actively avoid because it makes me laugh so hard I can’t breathe, get hysterical and start crying, is funny autocorrects like these from BuzzFeed, The 30 Most Hilarious Autocorrect Struggles Ever.

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt:What do you believe in? Is it the same now (today, in 2013) as it has always been? If not, what has changed? If yes, where did these beliefs stem from? This does not have to collate with Christmas if you do not wish it to – you can talk about what, overall do you believe in. Or you can have it directly relate to Christmas and what your beliefs surrounding this day are.”

I answered this one on Day Nine, the part where I talked about undergoing a paradigm shift.

I was also talking to Eric while we walked yesterday, telling him how I used to believe that if I just worked hard enough, was good enough, found the right system, adopted the correct approach, I would find the way of living, the way of being that would keep me in a safe, happy place. I thought there was a trick, some particular magic to being protected and content.

I’ve realized in the past few years that this isn’t how things work. The hardest realization was that really, really bad things happen in the world, all the time, to us and to those we love. There is nothing we can do about it. I understand that good things happen too, that there is beauty and joy and love, and yet I’ve gotten myself pretty stuck in the “bad things happen” part. The work now is to be open to all of it, to accept and surrender to what is, to be able to access peace amidst turmoil. The good news is, I know it is possible, because as Chögyam Trungpa said, “The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is there’s no ground.”

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt:How did you celebrate your birthday in 2013? Where where you? Who were you with? Did you get any presents? Make any resolutions for yourself for your next year?”

I answered this already on Day Six.

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt:What could you have done without in 2013? A bad trip? Experience? Heartbreak? Negative outlook on life? What was it, and why did it happen? Can you do anything to prevent it from happening in 2014?”

I could have done without Dexter dying. I could have done without the confusion, the suffering I generated. I could have done without the mysterious nature of Sam’s neurological issue, or whatever it is. I could have done without some family stuff that I don’t, won’t talk about here. I could have done without the parking ticket. I could have done without the trip to the emergency room. I could have done without the wind and the ice. I could have done without the extreme temperatures. I could have done without the anxiety, the sadness. I can’t stop any of that from happening, not really, so the trick is to figure out how to deal with it, to be okay with it, to not let it ruin everything else that’s amazing and wonderful and I couldn’t do without.

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt:What did you regret not getting to or not doing in 2013? What was it? Why were you unable to do it? Why did you regret it? Will you attempt to do it in 2014?”

I am uncomfortable with regret. It implies an inability to accept what has happened, to forgive and let go, move on. I could say I regret losing Dexter, but how else could that have ended? I could say I regret not getting more done on my book or not offering an ecourse or two, but it’s not like I was sitting around watching TV and eating bon-bons instead. And whatever it is, whatever I didn’t get to or do, that moment is over, gone, it is what it is no matter how I choose to feel about it. So, I prefer to give myself a break, be gentle with myself, know that I did the best I could, and choose to believe that things are working out in a way that is just as good as anything else I could imagine or plan or try, that it’s all workable.

2 thoughts on “Reverb 2013: Day 27

  1. Kira Elliott

    Amen to realizing that there is no magic or special forum to feeling happy, safe or ok in the world. I have spent a lifetime trying to figure it out. I used to think I had to be standing in the right spot in order for happiness to fall on me. I also am so pleased to realize that it is not shameful to feel down, sad or depressed or less than. It just is what it is and feelings pass. I am so thankful I started a meditation practice over five years ago, changed my life. Thank you for your open honest sharing. It helps me to know I am not alone. Hugs from Detroit, Kira

    1. jillsalahub Post author

      I was just thinking about that this morning, Kira — that sometimes for me the real value of a bad experience is to be able to write about it later, share it so that someone who might be living it knows they aren’t alone, that you can experience it and survive. ♥


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