Daily Archives: December 31, 2013

Reverb 2013: Day 30 and 31

reverb13Project Reverb prompt: “Relationships | Did you find a new best friend? Delve deeper into a relationship? Break up? Get back together? Tell us about who you added – or subtracted – from your life. Why?”

In regards to most other people, this seems like an awkward thing to talk about here. To share the ways in which relationships were strained, damaged or ended altogether doesn’t seem kind to anyone involved. There was forgiveness and letting go, and that’s what matters. And in terms of people I’ve gotten to meet for the first time in person, to know better, be closer to, I feel like I’ve already talked about that a lot. As for the people already in my life who matter, who have stayed, continue to support and inspire and encourage me, make me laugh, those people know. I’ve told them how much I love them, how grateful I am, and that seems to be what matters most. If anything, in the relationships that remain and are working, I’ve gotten clearer about what I need and what I can give.

The relationship most changed is the one with myself. The last resolution I made three years ago was to be a better friend to myself, and over time that has happened. Through practice, by showing up and staying, not abandoning myself, giving attention to both my hunger and my fullness, I have developed genuine compassion and appreciation for myself.

I also met my new best friend yesterday. We went to visit a litter of Cattle Dog, Blue Heeler puppies. I believe in rescue with my whole heart, have rescued three dogs and give regular support to our local no-kill shelter, and will most certainly rescue again. However, after much soul searching, and after three dogs in a row with some pretty serious health issues, we need a break from rescue, so we found a local woman with beautiful, sane and healthy dogs and are getting one from her.

puppypile04The way this all came about is pretty magic, actually, and I’ll certainly share more of the story at a later date. For now, I’ll just say that this pup feels sent directly from the Universe, God, Love, Dexter and Obi, like this is all happening exactly the way it should be. Yesterday morning, before we left to go visit the pups, I pulled a two of cups, which says “anticipate new love to be heading your way…the birth of a dear and lasting friendship…the connection between you will be pure, honest, and solid. Open your heart and get ready.” He’s going to be a therapy dog for my tiny little family.

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt: “When did you feel your most authentic in 2013? When was it? Where were you? What can you do to have this feeling more often in 2014?”

When I’m writing. A significant shift happened on that front this year. My own voice became familiar to me. I recognize it, trust it, can see it’s particular power. What a relief of after 30+ years of struggling with writer’s block, and yet there’s also part of me that is saying, “I told you so. I knew it!”

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt: “What was the most important, or potent, lesson you learned in 2013? Who or what taught it to you? How will you use what you have learned in the future?”

I can trust myself. I had so many teachers. Dexter and Sam, the doctor who called me “obese” and told me to go on a diet and do more cardio, the mysterious illness that sent me to the emergency room, my own body, my practices, my writing, my kind and gentle readers, sadness and grief and anxiety but also love and joy. Susan Piver and Laurie Wagner and Rachel Cole in particular were healing guides, each with their own specific method — meditation, writing, and hunger whispering. In the future, I will use this lesson to ease suffering, in myself and the world.

Project Reverb prompt: “At the finish | What’s next for you?”

Making space. The first step before I invite what comes next is to clear a space for it, let go of what is no longer serving me, forgive, say goodbye, and make room, make way.

Besottment Reverb 2013 prompt: “What is your greatest wish for 2014? Anything you are hoping for? Wish to focus on? Put it down on paper to help visualize and cultivate it!”

The most fundamental wish I always wish, because it makes a path for anything else I could possibly desire: to ease suffering, in myself and the world.