Daily Archives: December 1, 2013

Day of Rest

bedThis is something I originally posted on Facebook this morning, but just now realized I wanted to share it here too, that there would be some of you who wouldn’t see my Facebook post.

Woke up at 4:30 am like normal, but decided to go back to sleep, and you know how you have the weirdest dreams when you do that? I had one that I was teaching at Chemeketa Community College, a class about Finding Your Purpose, and I showed up for week three completely unprepared. We were in the Student Center, and it was busy and noisy — a spin class, the food court, all kinds of other classes and study groups and students just hanging out — and there was no privacy. I also realized that rather than a 10 week progressive course with the same group of students, the class was actually a drop in, which meant I should be doing what I did the first week over again, but I didn’t have those notes. I asked my students to put their chairs in a circle to provide a container of sorts, but I had to go find my own chair. All of the furniture was old and broken down, no good, so the chair I had to settle for was awful.

When I got back to the group, I was honest, told them I was struggling with the distraction, my own lack of preparation, was irritated and fumbling, but that I was doing my best and would keep going, was showing up, fully present. Then it came to me that it was the perfect teaching moment, and told them that it was just like that with Finding Your Purpose — it isn’t just about figuring out what you want, but dealing with the obstacles that exist, that you can’t control all the elements, there’s the environment, culture, other people, economic realities, potential health issues or physical limitations, and that you have to learn to work with them. I ended up rocking what was a messed up situation.

Take that subconscious — clearly if you want to give me an anxiety dream, teaching can no longer be your subject matter. Time to go back to the old standards of not being able to find a clean or private public bathroom when I need to poop, or the one where I’m out jogging and cars are honking at me and I look down and realize I’m completely naked and miles from home.

#reverb13: Day One

reverb13Today is the first day of Reverb13. As my dear friend and Reverb13 host Kat describes it, “Reverb is a reflective writing challenge held in December every year. It provides a sacred space for participants to celebrate the successes and honour the challenges of the year that’s passing, as well as plant the seeds for a rich and rewarding new year.” I took part last year, and absolutely loved it. This year, Kat asked me to create two of the prompts.

Today’s prompt is “How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?” I am feeling expectant and curious, overwhelmed, slightly confused, content and grateful, a sense of clarity, open and awake.

I feel expectant and curious because I sense a big transition coming. I am starting a new project at work, we’ll be getting another dog, I’m starting yoga teacher training, I’m working on my first (and second) book(s), and I’m working towards making peace with food, my body.

I feel overwhelmed because I am committing myself to a lot, maybe too much, but I can’t as of yet see what I could possibly let go, where to make a shift.

I feel slightly confused because I’m not sure how I’ll work through some of the obstacles, how things will turn out. What is my authentic body? How will I make my way to being a truly intuitive eater, as opposed to a dis-ordered one? How exactly will my work manifest over the next decade, what will that look like? How can I balance my effort with ease, when there is so much I want to do, when it seems an impossible task for one person already 46 years old? I’m figuring it out as I go, am not really worried, but there’s lingering confusion about how this is all going to work.

I feel content and grateful because I am utterly and completely in love with my life. I am more satisfied now than I’ve been in years, (ever?), am living the life I want, with only a few lingering obstacles, complications, knowing that even those are totally workable.

I feel a sense of clarity because I know who I am, what I need, that I’m allowed to have what I want. I know what I have to offer, what to do next, how things might turn out, what to expect and what I’ll need to give to get there, so clear about my purpose, my particular medicine and magic — and other people are starting to see it too, appreciate it.

I feel open and awake because I’m showing up in a way I just haven’t before, and unlike my previous fears and doubts may have predicted, I’m strong, the worst things can happen and I’m not destroyed. I’m a spiritual warrior, skilled and gentle.

I invite you, kind and gentle reader, to join us. Anyone can work with the Reverb13 prompts. You don’t need to be a blogger or a writer, you don’t even need to write down your answers if you don’t want, could simply read the prompt for the day and spend a little time contemplating your answers.