1. Sick days. Eric had a bad cold last week and I thought I was going to luck out and skip it, but no. I was out sick most of the week, still don’t feel 100%. I am so grateful I’m given sick days, can use them when I need to, can stay home in my pjs and get paid for it.
2. Spring weather. I know I’m repeating myself, but I have a deep down need right now for dryness, warmth, and blue skies.
Sam likes it too, was out rolling in the grass this morning.
3. Sweet Sam. There was a big shift this week. We cancelled the MRI and visited our regular vet instead (all the while consulting with the neurologist, who is amazing, assured us she’d do the same if it were her dog). We are revisiting the idea that Sam’s issue is with the skin/tissue of his lower lip, rather than a nerve issue caused by an injury or even tumor like we were thinking. We are starting off treating it as if it were a fungal issue, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll consult with Dermatology at the CSU Vet Hospital and keep trying, keep looking.
The closer the MRI got, the more we realized the actual center of Sam’s discomfort was his lower lip, both sides, an area that in the past few years has lost its pigment, turned from black to pink, and sometimes looks inflamed and is very tender to the touch. I am so thankful that whatever this is hasn’t interfered with his ability to eat and the discomfort, while it can make his back leg thump and head shake and cause the occasional whimper, hasn’t led to him actually scratching his face or hurting himself in any other way.
We are applying a topical treatment right now and I don’t want to get my hopes up, but he seems the slightest bit more comfortable already. You have no idea, kind and gentle reader, how wonderful it would be if we could help him feel better, if he could return to the full and healthy life of a four year old dog who has a puppy he can play with whenever and however much he wants. This has been a mystery for at least the past year, and he shouldn’t have to keep suffering, won’t if I can do anything about it.
4. Ringo. He is challenging me, forcing me to get so smart and work so hard, but if this little dude grows up to be as good as he is cute, it will all be worth it.
A feeling has arisen in the mind, like a cloud. Like a cloud, it appears and then it disappears, and that’s all there is to it. This time it is sadness arising, the next time it may be happiness, the next time it may be anger, and later it may be kindness. All sorts of things arise, like wildflowers in a spring meadow. All sorts of flowers grow; all sorts of thoughts and emotions arise. They are all okay; they’re nothing special. When we understand what our thoughts and feelings are, and we experience them in this way, we are able to let them come and let them go.
The universe does not
revolve around you.
The stars and planets spinning
through the ballroom of space
dance with one another
quite outside of your small life.
You cannot hold gravity
or seasons; even air and water
inevitably evade your grasp.
Why not, then, let go?
You could move through time
like a shark through water,
neither restless or ceasing,
absorbed in and absorbing
the native element.
Why pretend you can do otherwise?
The world comes in at every pore,
mixes in your blood before
breath releases you into
the world again. Did you think
the fragile boundary of your skin
could build a wall?
Listen. Every molecule is humming
its particular pitch.
Of course you are a symphony.
Whose tune do you think
the planets are singing
as they dance?
And
Self-Portrait
by David Whyte
It doesn’t interest me if there is one God
or many gods.
I want to know if you belong or feel
abandoned,
if you can know despair or see it in others.
I want to know
if you are prepared to live in the world
with its harsh need
to change you. If you can look back
with firm eye,
saying this is where I stand. I want to know
if you know
how to melt into that fierce heat of living,
falling toward
the center of your longing. I want to know
if you are willing
to live, day by day, with the consequence of love
and the bitter
unwanted passion of your sure defeat.
I have heard, in that fierce embrace, even
the gods speak of God.
We do not become healers. We came as healers. We are. Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become storytellers. We came as carriers of the stories we and our ancestors actually lived. We are. Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become artists. We came as artists. We are. Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not become writers, dancers, musicians, helpers, peacemakers. We came as such. We are. Some of us are still catching up to what we are.
We do not learn to love in this sense. We came as Love. We are Love. Some of us are still catching up to who we truly are.
17. Happy – Pentatonix (Pharrell Cover). I have a soft spot for acapella groups.
18. How I earned my white belt in desire on Superhero Life. I love how Andrea sees everything in her life as an opportunity to learn, to practice, to transform.
20. Wisdom from Elizabeth Gilbert, “If you are looking for your home in the world, here is a clue: It’s whatever you love more than you love yourself. (Addiction and infatuation don’t count! Unsafe neighborhoods in which to build a home!) Identify that worthy thing to love, and abide there.”
21. Wisdom from Richard Bach, “There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.”
22. Wisdom from David Whyte, “You must learn one thing. The world was made to be free in.”
With the commitment to not cause harm, we move away from reacting in ways that cause us to suffer, but we haven’t yet arrived at a place that feels entirely relaxed and free. We first have to go through a growing-up process, a getting-used-to process. That process, that transition, is one of becoming comfortable with exactly what we’re feeling as we feel it. The key practice to support us in this is mindfulness—being fully present right here, right now. Meditation is one form of mindfulness, but mindfulness is called by many names: attentiveness, nowness, and presence are just a few. Essentially, mindfulness means wakefulness—fully present wakefulness. Chögyam Trungpa called it paying attention to all the details of your life.
27. Wisdom from Joseph Campbell,
People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances with our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.
The escape is temporary. The comfort in going numb is fleeting and often followed by a pain more unbearable than breathing through my fear – it is the pain of living a life that is disconnected from my spirit, my soul, my God, my truth (choose the word that suits you.)
As challenging as it may ever seem to move forward through challenge, I dare say that it’s more challenging to give up. When we give up, our body contracts, our shoulders slouch which closes our hearts, and our energy fades.
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 