I didn’t get around to posting for August Moon yesterday. I wrote a response to the prompt in my journal, but I never ended up typing or posting it. Later in the day, when I saw the next day’s prompt, I realized I could answer them together. Then when I checked the schedule for August Break, I realized that all three worked together: on the table is what I do and what I love.
My desk situation in my home office, my studio, my work area, my practice space is two tables side by side along one wall, taking up the entire space from wall to wall. On one is my stand up desk and computer, lots of yoga books, some of Obi and Dexter’s ashes and their collars and paw prints, and various notes to myself about things that need to get done.
The table on the other side is the one in the picture. This is where I sit to write and make art, where a dog sometimes sleeps on the bed underneath. On this desk are various stacks of books, a Happy Light I use while I write each morning, two boxes of letters and love notes from Eric, a bag that contains all my current journals, a jar of pens, a tiny shrine, collections of rocks and shells from the beach, various cards from friends, my Wild Unknown tarot deck, more of Obi and Dexter’s ashes, two of Dexter’s favorite toys (which Ringo has recently discovered and keeps asking for), a tray of various papers and such covered by my 2014 vision board, and an empty coffee cup.
This is a pretty complete representation of what I do, what I love. I practice. I am in relationship with good people. I walk my dogs, do yoga, meditate, and write. I read, and read, and read. I watch movies and TV, but limit it to what makes me feel good, what makes me laugh. My favorite music is soothing, beautiful, and happy, my favorite genre being something they call “dream pop.” I appreciate contemplation, complication, but not when it leaves me confused. What I do and love is in line with my mantra, (Life is beautiful and brutal, tender and terrible — keep your heart open), and my intention, (to ease suffering, in myself and in the world). I need help maintaining a healthy outlook, my sense of humor, as my shadow side is tinged with anxiety, depression, apathy, despair.
Kat asks in her “right now” prompt what is missing from what you do. For me it’s not so much what is missing as I feel a shift coming. I officially start back at CSU next week, (although I have to go in and do a few things already this week). I’ll soon be teaching yoga instead of training to. I am eating more mindfully, moving differently. I signed up for a training class with Ringo. I have a book to write and another that wants to happen right after.
I know some people must think I have the most boring life, but it’s exactly what I want: small and simple, but deep and wide.
In order to help others, first we must make ourselves into a proper tool for serving others by improving our own qualities. If our mind is filled with negative emotions, whatever we do will be the expression of those emotions, and therefore, in whomever we reach we could cause ill effects. If we are equipped with loving-kindness, however, even our mere presence could bring authentic peace and joy to those around us. So we must improve our own mental state first, through meditation training.
6. This beautiful poem by Mary Oliver, Mindful, (thanks to Erica Staab for sharing it and reminding me).
Every day I see or hear something that more or less
kills me with delight, that leaves me like a needle
in the haystack of light. It was what I was born for – to look, to listen,
to lose myself inside this soft world – to instruct myself over and over
in joy, and acclamation. Nor am I talking about the exceptional,
the fearful, the dreadful, the very extravagant – but of the ordinary, the common, the very drab,
the daily presentations. Oh, good scholar, I say to myself, how can you help
but grow wise with such teachings as these – the untrimmable light
of the world, the ocean’s shine, the prayers that are made out of grass?
See, Jill? I told you everything was lining up for you; that the right people were headed your way; that the right things would be said; that you’d become a total love magnet; and that very little of this would be apparent as it was unfolding, yet in hindsight you’d see the stunning perfection. It’s just that right now, you’re mostly in the unfolding part.
10. Transforming Difficulty into Joy from Zen Psychiatry, in which Elana says, “We suffer not because there is no joy in our life; we suffer because there is joy all around us that we fail to notice.”
Much as I love to soul search, there are moments when you realize that perhaps today you are further complicating life by relentlessly seeking elusive answers to profound questions. Perhaps today is a day where you take what you already know to be true and apply it. Simple things we’ve had figured out for decades like the value of exercise, of dipping your feet in the nearest body of water, or having a good laugh with a few close friends. Fruits and vegetables are obvious in that way. Not too complicated, nothing really to fuss over, but simple, delicious, and just as good for you as they’ve ever been.
You are doing so many good things. You are going so many wonderful directions. You are spreading so much goodness and kindness and wild-happy energy. You are making goals and dreaming dreams and trying to do even better than you did yesterday. You are thinking about people you love and how you can serve them, you are a loyal friend and family member. You are making an enormous difference in the lives of all who know you, and in so many lives you don’t even know about too.
It’s time to give yourself a break…time to stop and thank your body and your soul for everything it does to keep you going. This would be a great weekend to do just that…give yourself a break. Pat yourself on the back and take a nap and a hot bath…even eat some chocolate! 🙂 Sure, there are still lots of things for you to work on…and you will get to that. You are doing great, and sometimes you just have to stop and let yourself breathe…evaluate…rest…recharge…restore. Take good care of yourself, fabulous friend…we need all of the fabulousness of you! You are loved, loved, loved.
Some days, everything is wonderful. Some days, everything is terrible. It’s par for the course, even for those free of mental afflictions. Being human means riding these waves. If you have one or two bad days a week, you’re doing great. If you have one melt-down every few years, you’re doing spectacular. If you are having the worst year of your life, hold on to hope, because it does get better.
24. Hello Wonderful, “a deliciously free series of email love notes meant to usher us sweetly into the new season” from Mara Glatzel.
So the anti-resumé remains my deceptively simple answer to the question, ‘How do you do it?’: that I persisted during all those years of rejection for no other reason than that I loved writing so much I wanted to spend all my time doing it. Writing must be its own reward, even for the most talented and hardworking writers, or they’re going to have a tough time.
I didn’t get around to posting for August Moon yesterday. I wrote a response to the prompt in my journal, but I never ended up typing or posting it. Later in the day, when I saw the next day’s prompt, I realized I could answer them together. Then when I checked the schedule for August Break, I realized that all three worked together: on the table is what I do and what I love.
