Starting Over, Again.

I got an email today, someone I love talking about being “45 and starting over.”  It made me think of all the times I have done it, called a do-over, begun again.

Photo by Steven Depolo

  1. I married at 18 and moved to Arizona.
  2. I moved back to Oregon and got unmarried.
  3. I moved in with my mom and dad and went back to college, (a change inspired by the loss of my friend Heather).
  4. I moved to Colorado and married Eric.
  5. We moved back to Oregon and I went back to school, again.
  6. We moved to Colorado, again, and I went to graduate school.
  7. I got out of a bad work situation and started working on myself, (inspired by the loss of my dog Obi and my friend Kelly).

Lucky seven?  There are a few things after all this practice that I know are true when it comes to making changes, starting over:

  • I am already whole, (all of us are).  I am not a problem to be fixed, or a project to take on.  “Improving” or healing are about becoming what I already am.  My friend Courtney wrote a blog post the other day about the same kind of thing, “Not Fixing.”  In it, she says “Say goodbye to the wrench and screw driver approach to your healing. You don’t need fixing. You have all that you need inside you for your healing to take place.” Thank you.  Amen.
  • To practice “self-help” does not mean that I have to change who I essentially am, but rather be true to who I am.  To change, I make a commitment to manifesting that which is fundamental about myself, my basic goodness and wisdom.  What I do let go of in this process are habits, and actions or thoughts that no longer serve me, (that probably never served me the way I expected, the way I needed). “The purpose of our practice is just to be yourself.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

I get daily emails from Jo Ann at The Receiving Project and today’s was “You cannot run away from yourself. The sooner you stop trying, the sooner you can begin to bring love and compassion to yourself. The sooner you can embrace that which pains and transform it into that which loves.”

Brave Belly

So, what am I looking to change? In a post that seems full of them, here’s another list, the list:

  • To eat in a way that feeds a healthy body, not a sick and starving heart.
  • To continue to write daily, with the intention of eventual publication, (beyond this blog).  The daily practice and public forum of my blog will manifest this in an organic manner.
  • To be more settled, satisfied in my current paid work, or be financially able to let it go.
  • To be financially fit, debt-free, simply living.  To have the ability to take care of needs, save, provide, share and gift, take the occasional vacation or bigger purchase without depending on long-term credit.  To have freedom without too much sacrifice.
  • To become craftier, more hand-made, learn the skills of “my people”–farming, gardening, canning, baking bread, sewing, quilting, knitting, carpentry, car repair.
  • To be vulnerable and brave, to let go of shame, pleasing, performing, and perfectionism.
  • To repair my relationship with myself, and through that, repair my relationships with others.
  • Learn the ukelele and take voice lessons, giving my creativity and voice another outlet.
  • Be more green, more simple, more careful, more mindful.
  • Continue to develop my yoga and meditation practices, remaining open to the possibility of teaching, but not forcing it, allowing it to manifest naturally.
  • Slow down, continue to be mindful about how I spend my time.
  • Keep my eyes and heart open to great work, as I continue to do good work.
  • Be aware of the ways I can grow deeper into myself, seek out those opportunities with kindness and wisdom.

My Mondo Beyondo class taught me that there is power in dreaming big, making a list of all the things you want and sharing it. “What happens when you give an unspoken wish a place to become a dream come true?

ScribbleIf you are looking to begin again, start over, “be the change you want to see in the world,” you might want to read:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” ~Anais Nin

8 thoughts on “Starting Over, Again.

  1. Alison Gresik

    Hi Jill ~

    Thanks for linking to my article!

    I get a very peaceful, grounded feel from your list, that you’re starting from a place of completeness, not striving. Beautiful. And ukelele, rock on!

    “The daily practice and public forum of my blog will manifest this in an organic manner.”

    Trusting the organic outcome of your devotion to writing is the best gift you can give yourself. Love it.

    Alison

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      Oh Alison! Thank you for the feedback, the reinforcement, the support for what I am doing. It’s so good to have your intention mirrored back, to have you do so for me in both this comment and the article.

      Reply
  2. esalahub

    In my ethics classes, I talk a lot about Aristotle’s notion that the moral life is the Good Life, the sort of life where a person achieves true happiness. This is the state the Greeks called eudaemonia, what is often translated today as “happiness” but our English word “happiness” fails to capture the real depth of the Greek concept. I like the word “flourishing” or “thriving.” Nobody achieves this state by accident; it takes a lifetime of ongoing effort.

    Achieving eudaemonia isn’t about fixing yourself, this implies you are broken. But, achieving flourishing does require some sort of objective look at who you really are and a focused, conscious effort to improve certain character traits through engaged practice.

    I teach this stuff and believe in it. But, I don’t really DO it like you DO.

    Love,

    Eric

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      I married so smart. You can take care of the theory, and I’ll do the practice. We’ll meet in the middle and live our Good Life together. Love you. Love, Me

      Reply
  3. Erin

    Jill I was so moved by your post and link to prior post on heather. I’m seriously crying reading it on the bus to work! (there goes the mascara!) I love getting to know you better from your blog.

    Reply

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