1. Truth: I don’t know how to “live a life of dreams while also staying grounded.” I am trying to figure it out, how to surrender myself to the whims of my creativity but still manage to get the laundry done. I’m still not there, that magic “there” I’m so sure exists if I keep heading true north to the land of balance and joy. I seem to either be completely wild or totally frozen, too loose or too tight, can’t find the middle ground, the center of the path where I can plant both my feet solid on the earth while I open my heart to the sky.
2. Truth: I keep making the same mistakes. Even though particular habits of mine clearly don’t work, aren’t bringing the results I hope for, they are habits old and deep, and as such, they are sticky and stubborn. I am comforted by my awareness of these discursive patterns, grateful that I am no longer blind to them, but still frustrated by my inability to stop myself, to make a change.
3. Truth: The most important thing I can do is relax, be gentle with myself. It won’t do any good to try threats or assign blame or smash myself to bits. There’s no bribe, no trick, no ultimatum that will work. There’s no mysterious plan or secret technique or complicated method that I can practice or purchase. I simply have to surrender, melt into this moment, let go.
The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is there’s no ground. ~Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche
One wish: That the places where we feel stuck will start to loosen up, that we will begin to know true freedom, and that the process will be as simple as taking in a deep breath and then letting it out.
*sigh*
