Tag Archives: Habits

Three Truths and One Wish

1. Truth: I don’t know how to “live a life of dreams while also staying grounded.” I am trying to figure it out, how to surrender myself to the whims of my creativity but still manage to get the laundry done. I’m still not there, that magic “there” I’m so sure exists if I keep heading true north to the land of balance and joy. I seem to either be completely wild or totally frozen, too loose or too tight, can’t find the middle ground, the center of the path where I can plant both my feet solid on the earth while I open my heart to the sky.

2. Truth: I keep making the same mistakes. Even though particular habits of mine clearly don’t work, aren’t bringing the results I hope for, they are habits old and deep, and as such, they are sticky and stubborn. I am comforted by my awareness of these discursive patterns, grateful that I am no longer blind to them, but still frustrated by my inability to stop myself, to make a change.

3. Truth: The most important thing I can do is relax, be gentle with myself. It won’t do any good to try threats or assign blame or smash myself to bits. There’s no bribe, no trick, no ultimatum that will work. There’s no mysterious plan or secret technique or complicated method that I can practice or purchase. I simply have to surrender, melt into this moment, let go.

The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is there’s no ground. ~Chögyam Trungpa Rinpoche

One wish: That the places where we feel stuck will start to loosen up, that we will begin to know true freedom, and that the process will be as simple as taking in a deep breath and then letting it out.

*sigh*

Wishcasting Wednesday

from Jamie's post

What do you wish to rise above?

Blocking my feelings. Running away, refusing, numbing, avoiding, dismissing and denying the truth of how I feel, my real experience.

Rejecting my truth. Being stuck in old habits of trusting others over myself, looking to them for validation, searching for external answers, methods, strategies, techniques, permission, love, and approval. Resisting my wholeness, my worth. Denying the path, the experience, the practice, the purpose, the calling. Stubbornly walking in the exact opposite direction of true north, refusing to see or accept myself as I really am.

Self-hate. The petty, hateful, critical voice and behavior of ego. The smashing myself to bits.

Attachment. Clinging, resisting, practicing too tight, collapsing into grief, resisting the truth of impermanence, rushing after, reaching for, and grasping at what I want rather than being with what is.

Hope and fear. Both keep me from being fully in the present, which is the only place I can relax, be content, find joy–be fully alive and awake. If I am afraid, I am not in the present but rather am rejecting it, and if I am hoping, I’m reaching for some other time, some other circumstance, rather than connecting to reality.

Judgement and aggression. Inability to forgive, to let go, to relax. Attraction and aversion rather than acceptance. Desire for vengeance, retribution, justice, and punishment.

Discursive thinking and habitual patterns. Obsession with and attachment to things that no longer serve me. Things sticky, stuck, deeply rooted, old, moldy and musty, rotten and wrecked.

Ego. Dissolving this is most likely the key to rising above everything else.