Wednesdays are often the day I wishcast with Jamie Ridler. She provides a prompt and we provide the wishes in response. Jamie has been taking a break from her regular practices and posts because the day after we lost our sweet Dexter, she lost her mom to cancer.
Almost a week before both those sad events, I got an email from Jamie, inviting me to do a guest post on her blog, since she would be taking a break for a bit. She said,
I wondered what would honour my mom, all that I’ve learned from her, all that her life has stood for, and I thought about something she said recently, “It’s not about being tough. It’s about being tender.” And that seemed just right.
My guest post, Tender Hearted Warrior, is up on Jamie’s blog today. The prompt was “It’s not about being tough. It’s about being tender,” and Jamie invited those of us writing to offer whatever came to us as a response, “anything goes.”
It seems so appropriate to me that it was published on a Wishcasting Wednesday. Today, I am wishing Jamie comfort and peace as she lives and loves her way through this difficult time. I wish the same for all those who have lost their mothers, in all the ways that can happen. I wish this same comfort and peace for all of us who have had to let go of someone we love, anyone who has suffered a loss, who carries the heaviness of big love that no longer has the same, familiar place to land, for anyone who is grieving. May we feel this hurt and continue to keep our hearts open.
As I mentioned the other day, I was so happy to support Jamie by writing this post, to have the opportunity to do something, anything for her as she lives this loss. It is becoming more and more clear to me that the only way any of us make it through the confusion and chaos of being human is together, helping each other, showing up, offering support, being kind, because as Ram Dass says “we are all just walking each other home.”
Because here’s the thing — we are really slow, as a species, to catching on sometimes that the past is past. And since there is no sense of time in the human subconscious, there is part of us that doesn’t always know, when it comes to certain dark traumas: IT’S FINISHED. Sometimes you have to talk to yourself about that fact (gently, lovingly) and explain to yourself the reality of the timeline. Did it already happen to you? Yes. Did you already survive it? Yes. Then try to let yourself go forth in peace. It’s over. It sometimes takes so much convincing for us to believe this, but whatever you’re most afraid of…? Chances are, it’s over.
9. Soul Sister Special from Liv Lane, good until midnight tonight, Central Time.
10. Wisdom from Geneen Roth,
The process is the goal. And this is always true. Otherwise, you get to where you believe the goal is, and you raise the proverbial bar. You make another goal. And then, you push to get to that one, that goal. And make another one. And in the meantime, you keep missing what you call your life. And then you wonder how it all went by so fast and where you were while it was happening. That’s how people get to the end of their lives and suddenly realize, they missed the gifts. The small moments. The ordinary moments, on the way to the Big Get. The Goal.
16. Wisdom from Tulku Thondup, “The practice of mindfulness should not result in stress. If it does, it may be a sign that we are trying too hard—that we are grasping at ‘mindfulness’ itself, that we need to relax a little and be less self-conscious.”
Do you wonder what it would feel like to be healed, my love? Let me tell you, because as the part of you who is always whole, healed, and perfect at every moment, I’m on it. When you’re healed, you wake up every morning and feel free. Free of the grip of fear. Free of caring what everybody else thinks. Free of feeling like you have anything to prove. Free of worrying that you’re not enough. Free of self-beatings. Free of muddy confusion. Free to be unapologetically YOU. Free. You feel very alive, which doesn’t mean you don’t cry or feel sadness. When you’re healed, you may cry more than ever, actually. But those feelings come, flood you, and release, rather than getting stuck. You know you’re NOT alone. When you’re healed, you feel deeply connected- to me and my glorious spark, that is. You know that everything is happening in perfect harmony with a greater plan. So you feel free of anxiety, because you know you are held and safe and the world is conspiring to help you walk your path with ease. It’s that simple. Do you want to feel healed? Tap in, love.
18. Head/Heart/Feet on Painted Path, where Julia shares about a really great documentary project her brother-in-law is putting together, funding through Kickstarter.
21. An Artist Takes Bits And Pieces Of Hate And Turns Them Into Something Beautiful on Upworthy. We got a nasty note on our car and even though Eric told me I should just throw it away, I kept it because I wanted to make an art journal page with it, wanted to convert the ugliness of it into something beautiful, something that would help me generate compassion, that would cultivate healing for both me and the author. That’s what this artist did, and I love it. Let’s do more of this.
22. Easy Caramel Apple Recipe. This should come with some kind of a warning, I think, something like this — Danger: extreme yumminess ahead, eat with caution.
The bud
stands for all things,
even for those things that don’t flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing; though sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing…
29. And this wisdom from Louise Erdrich, which I like to revisit from time to time,
Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.
30. “It’s not about being tough. It’s about being tender,” guest series on Jamie Ridler’s blog. Jamie’s mom passed away the day after my sweet Dexter, and when it became clear she would need to take some time off from creating content for her blog, she asked some people to write blog posts based on a theme, something her mother had said, “It’s not about being tough. It’s about being tender.” There have been some really great posts so far. Jamie asked me to write one, and it will be up on Wednesday, July 17th. I was so happy to support her, to have the opportunity to do something, anything for her as she lived this difficult transition, this loss. It is becoming more and more clear to me that the only way any of us make it through the confusion and chaos of being human is together, helping each other, showing up, offering support, being kind, “walking each other home.”
Wednesdays are often the day I wishcast with Jamie Ridler. She provides a prompt and we provide the wishes in response. Jamie has been taking a break from her regular practices and posts because the day after we lost our sweet Dexter, she lost her mom to cancer.
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 