Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,
Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.
Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live, awake, complete.
~John O’Donohue, On The Death Of The Beloved
Grief is a strange beast. Some moments I’m okay and others I’m far from it, and I can never predict which it’s going to be. This morning, I was watching old videos of Obi and Dexter together, thinking how weird it is that they are now both gone. There was a time when I couldn’t imagine a life without them in it, and yet here I am, living just that.
I catch myself, online and elsewhere, trying to be cheerful, to hold back my grief so that I don’t bum anybody out, but I can’t really help it — this is where I am right now. I’m sad and I’m angry, confused, so tender but also okay. I am trying to stay present, to be gentle with myself. As much as it sometimes hurts to be human, I am keeping my heart open, to both the wounding and the wonder.