Though we need to weep your loss,
You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,
Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.
…
Though your days here were brief,
Your spirit was live, awake, complete.
~John O’Donohue, On The Death Of The Beloved
Grief is a strange beast. Some moments I’m okay and others I’m far from it, and I can never predict which it’s going to be. This morning, I was watching old videos of Obi and Dexter together, thinking how weird it is that they are now both gone. There was a time when I couldn’t imagine a life without them in it, and yet here I am, living just that.
I catch myself, online and elsewhere, trying to be cheerful, to hold back my grief so that I don’t bum anybody out, but I can’t really help it — this is where I am right now. I’m sad and I’m angry, confused, so tender but also okay. I am trying to stay present, to be gentle with myself. As much as it sometimes hurts to be human, I am keeping my heart open, to both the wounding and the wonder.
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 
I hear you.
Thank you for that. It means so much. ♥
Be you, dear Jill. Grief hurts and so many of us have been there. No one will ever be bummed out with your truth. We love you. xoxo
xo
Yes, your heart is open, my friend.
Know that you are held in your exquisite grief.
xx
♥
Jill, this is my first comment on your blog. I usually read every day but the last few weeks have been summer-filled-crazy and I am now just reading of your dear Dexter. I have tears in my eyes and want to share them with you but also applaud you for the inspiration you give so regularly to your readers. Please accept my heart rhythms and prayers I offer for you and your family. Blessings! Cindy
Oh Cindy, I’m so glad you left a comment, so glad to know that you are here, that what I am doing is of some benefit to you. I am also so grateful for the shared tears, your open heart, and the prayers. It makes the weight of this heavy thing easier to carry ♥