Daily Archives: November 9, 2012

Gratitude Friday

This post is a mashup of The Little Bliss List and Joy Jam, and as such is meant to celebrate: the little things that brought me hope and happiness this week, the sweet stuff of life, those small gifts that brought me joy this week. By sharing them, I not only make public my gratitude, but maybe also help you notice your own good stuff and send some positive energy out into the world.

1. Lemon Poppyseed Scones. I’m kind of obsessed right now. The lemon and sugar combo are like sunshine in my mouth.

2. Cultivating Courage ecourse. It’s technically over now (next session starts January 14th), but we have a private Facebook group and Andrea offered alumni a discounted rate for the next session. 30 days of cultivating a habit is really effective, especially when you have such amazing support. The class gave me more confidence and also allowed me to reconsider what it means to be brave.

3. My original art piece from Mary Anne Radmacher, which I wrote about yesterday.

4. More light for our morning walks. This will only last a week or so, but it was nice that first day after we “fell back” to not have to wear my headlamp and walk in the dark.

5. The end of another election season. Every year, it’s just way too nasty and stressful. Even without regular TV, it’s hard to not feel its impact.

Obi and Dexter

they were so in love

Bonus joy: Three years ago today, we had to let Obi go. He taught me so much about life and love, about fear and courage, about accepting another just as they are, about being safe and loved even when things are uncertain, but most of all how to let go.  It’s because of him, his loss, that I can be with what’s happening with Dexter, be with it and keep my heart open. They loved each other so much. Dexter was actually Obi’s dog, and Dexter loved him even more than he loved us or his Little D. If I could only know for sure that letting Dexter go meant he could be with his Obi again, I’d more easily surrender him.

NaBloPoMo Prompt: What One Thing?

he was crowding me, but ask me if I care

Today’s NaBloPoMo Prompt is: “If you could change one thing about our life right now, what would it be?” The answer is easy: Dexter wouldn’t have cancer, wouldn’t be dying. I’d change that. That would be the thing I’d wish were different, what I’d fix if I could.

But I can’t change it. I can accept it, be with it, with him. I can surrender, let go when the time comes. Right now, I can be grateful for another week with him, another day, another moment. Most recently, he’s had a stuffy nose, runny left eye from time to time, and more bloody snot since last week, but he’s still having good days and he’s still here. As he gets a tiny bit worse, I bump up against that reality again, that he’ll die soon no matter what I do. I still feel tender and sad about it, but mostly the fear and panic have eased. Like Eric said last night, “I’m okay with it, even though I’m not.”

from puppy to dog

He’s had a good, longish life with us, and I’m so grateful for his companionship, what he’s taught me about joy, play, loyalty, and having clear boundaries. If I could change his cancer, the fact that he’s going to die sooner rather than later I would, but I wouldn’t change anything else about our time together. And no matter what, he’ll always be my Little Dude.