Daily Archives: November 21, 2012

Messages from the Universe

Eric and I fundamentally disagree on one thing: I think that there is some order or intention in the way the world works and in how things happen, am always trying to figure out what things mean, and he thinks that if it is anything, it’s just nature doing what it does, and therefore random, chaos, nothing more than organic logic. His view is most likely more healthy, more sane, even more practical. And yet, even when things seem random, I can’t help myself, I look close, try to see if there are patterns or some hidden magic, and in everything that comes to me, everything I experience or encounter, I look for a message from the Universe.

I think that the world is trying to communicate with me. I am always trying to uncover the secret, see the sign, figure out the thing I’m supposed to learn or discover. Even though I am reluctant to label it as a belief in fate or destiny or even God, I find it hard to accept that things are happening according to nothing more than chance, that there’s no meaning.

This summer, in Andrea Scher’s Dream Lab ecourse, one of our tasks was to write ourselves a love letter, mail it to Andrea, and at some point in the future, she’d mail it back to us. I wrote mine as it it was directly from the Universe, sealed it in a self-addressed stamped envelope, mailed it, and promptly forgot about it. Yesterday, it was delivered…sort of.

Based on the postmark information, there were at least three attempts to deliver it. The handwritten “Del to:” and various arrows pointing to my name and address make me think that one of those times, it was misdelivered to the wrong location. At some point along its journey back to me, the envelope came unglued and open, and the letter was lost. What I got on my end was an empty envelope, stamped in red with “received without contents” and “received unsealed.” I laughed when I saw it. It seems so right that I, Lucille Ball Jr., would get a letter from the Universe that was completely empty.

There was something oddly poetic about it. Especially because right underneath it in my mailbox was a letter from J, full of doodles and love. The real message? “That stuff you wrote was nice, and true, but it’s all stuff you already know. I want you instead to hear what J has to say to you, that’s what I really need you to know.” And her message was (I’m paraphrasing here) that who I am, who I really am, is my superpower.

What I know from having written J a loopy love letter and then getting one in response, what I know from writing this blog and sharing with my kind and gentle readers, what I know from communing with the tribe of women I belong to, what I know from being more present and awake in my life and trusting myself, my innate wisdom and kindness, being vulnerable and courageous, is that by being who I am, writing the way I do, showing up with an open heart, being honest and genuine, other people feel less alone. And the added bonus is that I feel less alone. For so long, I tried to change, to deny or hide or reject the parts of me that seemed “wrong,” but it turns out that all that stuff I thought was weird or broken or crazy is exactly what the world needs from me. It’s the thing I have to offer, the way I am able to ease suffering in the world. Who knew?

Wishcasting Wednesday

from Jamie’s post

What Peace Do You Wish For?

The peace of accepting, loving, being who I am. No more pushing or improving or rejecting or denying or hiding or smashing myself to bits, but rather radical self-acceptance as Tara Brach describes it, “the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.”

To have the peace of confidence the way Susan Piver describes it, “the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.”

The peace of knowing, as Patti Digh describes at the end of this video conversation with Susan Piver, that what I once thought of as my brokenness is actually my superpower.

The peace of my innate worth, my fundamental nature as Pema Chödrön describes it,

We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves—the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds—never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake.

The peaceful awareness that I am meant to shine, as Marianne Williamson explains,

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I wish for the peace of showing up as I am with my heart open, even when it’s hard and it hurts, the contentment and clarity of embodying the openness, intelligence, and warmth that is my basic nature. While I wish this for myself, know that it would bring peace to my heart and to my life, I also wish it for others, so that this peace would manifest in the world, that our comfort and courage, our collective awareness and mindfulness, would ease suffering in the world.

One of my favorite hymns in church as a kid had these lyrics, “Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.” This is my wish.