I was reading author Laura Resau’s blog today. We are reading her latest book, “The Queen of Water” in my book group (I stayed up until 11 p.m. reading last night! Typically, I get in bed “to read” around 8:45 p.m. and am asleep with my face in the book ten minutes later), and she is going to come to our next meeting, (she lives locally, and one person in our group knows her–so lucky).
I stumbled across a post she wrote about the space where she writes: a silver camper from the 50’s that’s parked in her driveway. I love it so much, it hurts.
Dear Uni-Verse (One Song),
I cried when I read this, http://lauraresau.blogspot.com/2010/07/trailer-tour-at-long-last.html. What do I need to do? I am ready to do it, I just don’t know how. You know the specifics of my situation, the details, so please send the appropriate help, and pretend like I am really stupid and make it really clear what I am supposed to do. Pretty please.
Thank you and amen.
Then, as I was thinking of what three truths and one wish I would post, it came to me.
1. Truth: You know what you want. I do. I really do. A deep down knowing, an ancient thing that I have tried to deny, tried to pacify, a truth I have betrayed time and time again. I read this description of Laura’s writing space and her process, and my stomach hurt. It wasn’t simple envy or jealously. My whole body said “yes, this is it, this is the thing.”
2. Truth: You can have what you want. I have no idea how this is going to work, how I am going to get there, or what the specific details will be, I just know that somehow I will get there. I have to. I’ve known for a very long time that the only thing stopping me, is me. But wow, do I have some stories to tell about why I can’t or shouldn’t.
3. Truth: You know what to do. Take the tiniest step, take a deep breath, take another step, another breath. Keep moving, keep showing up. Jennifer Louden, mother goddess of comfort and wisdom, wrote a blog post just today called “Are You Avoiding Your Heart’s Desire?” Gulp. yes. In the post, she says “To find and live your unfolding heart’s desire, your deepest truth, requires burning.” I have lit the match.
- I wish to burn, dismantle, come apart and fall to pieces, become who I am, finally arrive where I always have been. When Jennifer says “Finding and living your calling is all about peeling the onion of your resistance and your sputtering ‘but but but’ until you get to the heart of it,” I want to say “amen” and begin. Onions will be peeled, fires will burn, and there will be crying and gnashing of teeth and smoke, but I think it will be so worth it.