Tag Archives: Life Rehab

Day of Rest: Burnout Recovery

The door to nowhere…

I’m categorizing this post as a “Day of Rest” because that’s usually what I post, if I post, on a Sunday. To be fair, it could also be a Life Rehab Resources, or What I Learned, or What I’m Doing. I’m realizing that after nine months of taking care of myself and trying to be patient, that if I was 100% burnt out nine months ago, I’m still about 87% burnt out now, and I should maybe be taking a more direct approach (instead of trying to “wait it out”), which for me typically starts with some deep research and contemplation.

I posted on Facebook and Instagram asking for books that had helped people through recovery from burnout, even if it wasn’t specifically about burnout. Some of the suggestions were:

One person on Facebook asked for clarification about the cause of my burnout, as that might help her make a more effective recommendation. As I told her, and I think have said here before, “the reasons are compound: just retired after 19 years in a stressful job, on year 11 of perimenopause, an autoimmune disorder, complex-PTSD, etc. So pretty much pick a reason and I’ve probably got it.” That makes deciding on a direct approach for recovery so much more complicated.

What’s been working for me so far, in terms of practices and support: Therapy, quitting my job, reading, watching lots of TV and taking lots of naps, eating what I want when I want it as much as I want, aqua aerobics, yoga, meditation, massage, having honest conversations with those close to me, asking for what I need, walking and napping and cuddling with my dogs, my infrared heating pad, our new living room furniture, flowers in the bathroom, cleaning out my office, getting more plants, limiting the amount of time I spend “peopling,” listening to music and podcasts, comedy, sitting in the sauna, reading in bed at night while Eric and the dogs are asleep, really good healthcare for my dogs (the better care they get, the less stressed I feel), writing, turning down the volume on bad news, cute animal and baby and dance videos, art, CBD oil, a small dose of THC before bed to help me sleep, the softest pjs in the world, my moon lamp, my HappyLight, and a sunrise alarm clock.

Another thing I have to do is cultivate patience and a willingness (which is currently reluctant) to accept that this could be permanent. I may never have more energy than I have right now and I need to figure out how to be okay with that.

All that said, I have a favor to ask you, kind and gentle reader: if you have recovered from burnout, what worked for you? What did you try, read, watch, do to feel better? If you don’t mind, could you post a comment or send me an email (lifewholehearted@gmail.com) and let me know? One request: as I am in recovery for not one but three eating disorders, even if a diet or nutritional supplement worked for you, could you leave that part out? I have to be super careful about how I handle anything having to do with nourishing myself through food or supplements, so not referencing anything related to that would be really helpful to me. Thank you in advance. You are the best!

Life Rehab Resource: Rachel Cole

liferehabresourcesI haven’t written one of these posts in awhile, and I certainly haven’t finished the series. There’s so much more worth sharing. Then the other day I was posting on Facebook about people who have shifted my life profoundly, helped me to heal, to wake up, to open my heart a little wider, and I realized I had a few of these posts “in the queue.”

The first time I ever mentioned Rachel Cole here was in November 2011, just two months after I started the blog. It’s clear that it wasn’t the first encounter I’d had with Rachel’s work because the reason I mentioned her in that particular post was to say that I’d finally confirmed a date with her to come to Fort Collins and give a Well-Fed Woman mini-retreatshop. That was the first year she did the retreatshops, and I somehow was brave enough to ask her to come, found the courage to host one.

I was a different person back then. At the beginning of 2011, I had made what would turn out to be my last New Year’s resolution — to be a better friend to myself. This commitment came out of the realization that I hated myself, and I knew enough to know that had to change or nothing else ever would. In September of that same year, I signed up for Andrea Scher’s Mondo Beyondo class and started this blog. By November, I’d made plans to host a Well-Fed Woman mini-retreatshop.


image from Rachel’s website

I’ve been working with Rachel ever since. I hosted that first retreatshop in February of 2012. That summer, I went to the World Domination Summit and got to hang out with her some more. During the fall of 2013, I took part in the first Intuitive Eating Reading Group Rachel offered. In October of 2013, she graciously let me stay at her apartment while I was in town for a retreat and she was traveling with the second tour of the retreatshops. I returned in November of 2013 to take part in the final retreatshop of that tour, and we shared a wonderful dinner at the end of the last day at this really great Asian place, (I still think about the salad we had, the spring rolls with yam, so delicious). Every holiday season, I sign up for her Wisdom Notes. This spring, I was able to be a part of her first offering of Feast. It’s been four years of some of the hardest, best work I’ve ever done.

Rachel helped me save my own life. Before working with Rachel, I was starving. I didn’t know how to feed myself, care for myself, love myself. I didn’t even know what I was hungry for, food or otherwise, just knew I wasn’t getting it. I was malnourished and struggling. I’d had an eating disorder for decades and didn’t even realize it. I’d been in a long term abusive relationship with myself and was only just becoming aware of it, only starting to see the damage I’d done. Having made the same journey herself, from disordered eater to helper, teacher, healer, Rachel had so much wisdom and so many resources to share. She’s a hunger whisperer, a doula of nourishment, guiding women to a life where they are well-fed and cherished.

When I first encountered Rachel, I was immediately drawn to her. I confess, I was also a little afraid of her. It was obvious I wasn’t going to be able to hide, to remain comfortable in my cocoon if I worked with her. She was the real deal — clear and direct, brilliant and fiercely gentle. She knows exactly what is at stake, how important her work is, and she won’t back down. As she says on the About page of her redesigned website, “While my style is known to be extraordinarily warm, spacious and gentle, there is no denying that this work is radical.”

This video from her website is a really good peek into what it’s like to work with her. It makes me tear up every time I watch it because I just adore her, love her so much, have so much gratitude for her wisdom, her help, her support, her friendship.

Feast for me was like the Master’s program of my work with Rachel. It enabled me to review everything that came before and sink into a mastery of the material, the practice of being a well-fed woman. I’m in touch with what my body needs and wants, but it’s about so much more than my body. I approach my life from a place of self-compassion, clarity, purpose, ease and joy. That just wasn’t possible before Rachel. Working with Rachel also means connecting with a tribe, a sangha of other women making the same effort, all of us trying to wake up. Their support and companionship is a key part of the experience.

Rachel is now accepting applications for the next session of Feast. The deadline to submit is August 19th. I can’t recommend the program enough. I endorse Rachel with my whole heart and would urge any woman who is suffering, who is hungry, to take a chance and work with her. It could change your life.

Life Rehab Resource: Practice, Part Three

liferehabresourcesAfter writing the first two posts about practice, I started thinking about what practice actually means to me. What is it? Here’s what I came up with, in no particular order.

  • Regular, ongoing, routine. Working with the same thing repeatedly over time, coming back to it again and again. Compulsory, something you show up for no matter what. I’ve heard it described as digging a well — you don’t dig for a bit in one area and then move to another spot of ground and start to dig again, but rather you keep digging in the same spot until you hit water.
  • Without agenda. Cultivating an attitude of nonjudgement and nonattachement, you drop criticism and striving. You stop comparison with other or self — past, present, or future. Let go of both fear and hope. Show up with an attitude of open curiosity, without evaluation, dropping any story you have about what’s occurring.
  • “Only don’t know.” Have a beginner’s mind, again that sense of open curiosity, like a wobbly, awkward toddler learning to walk. As Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki said, “In the beginner’s mind, there are many possibilities. In the expert’s mind, there are few.”
  • Skillful means. The intention to learn, to transform, to develop mastery and wisdom.
  • Mindfulness of the present moment. Connection to and curiosity of your immediate experience. Your mind and body in the same place, at the same time.
  • Done from love, in pursuit of joy. In Austin Kleon’s new book, Show Your Work, he defines being an amateur, a state we cultivate in practice, this way, “the enthusiast who pursues her work in the spirit of love…regardless of the potential for fame, money or career.”
  • “Not too loose, not too tight.” Learning to continually balance your effort with ease. “Wobble turns to sway and sway turns to balance. Never get too comfortable, relax where you are.” Pema Chödrön describes it this way,

    My middle way and your middle way are not the same middle way. For instance, my style is to be casual and soft-edged and laid-back. For me to do what usually would be called a strict practice is still pretty relaxed, because I do it in a relaxed way. So strict practice is good for me. But perhaps you are much more militant and precise. Maybe you tend toward being tight, so you might need to find out what it means to practice in a relaxed, loose way. Everyone practices in order to find out for him- or herself personally how to be balanced, how to be not too tight and not too loose. No one else can tell you. You just have to find out for yourself.

  • Making friends with yourself. Spending time with, being gentle and present, observing without judgement, showing up no matter what. My friend and meditation instructor Susan Piver describes it, in the context of meditation, this way,

    I encourage you to relax self-judgment, especially when it comes to your meditation practice. Our practice, rather than trying to get meditation “right,” is about relaxing with ourselves just as we are. Instead of critiquing our every move, we extend the hand of friendship. This, it turns out, is the way to find our innate, pre-existing wisdom which is always there.

  • Obstacles are path, are practice. They aren’t simply something to be removed. “What stands in the way becomes the way,” (Marcus Aurelius). What arises is what you work with.
  • Post practice is also practice. What you learn, what you are working with, who you are follows you off the cushion, mat, page, leash. Eventually you realize it’s all practice.
  • All dharma (truth), all practice instruction can be distilled into one word, a single concept: relax. Soften, be gentle, slow down. Go ahead and try to stump this one, disprove it — so far, I’ve failed.
  • Keep your heart open, no matter what. Beautiful or brutal, tender or terrible.
  • Practice is clearing a space, experiencing spaciousness and clarity.
  • Transforming habitual patterns and discursive thinking, changing or removing that which no longer serves.
  • Preparing for death. Cultivating an awareness of impermanence, peace with this state, practicing nonattachment, letting go, surrender.
  • Seeing reality naked, stripped of it’s storyline, of our agenda.
  • Cultivating confidence and courage. As Susan Piver defines it, “Confidence is the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.”
  • Surrender. Giving up perceived control and habitual resistance, awareness and acceptance of “this is what is, now.”
  • Being in relationship. With ourselves, with our suffering and that of others, with our shared experience, with reality, with basic goodness — fundamental wisdom and compassion.
  • Showing up is essential. Stop waiting for something to happen and just happen. Take your seat. Begin. Let go and begin again. Start over. Take the “half step that will change your life.” According to Susan Piver, the number of fresh starts available to you is infinite.
  • What you practice is your choice, specific to you. For me it’s yoga, meditation, writing, and dog. For others it’s running or ikebana or parenting. As long as it embodies the qualities of practice, it is practice.

Do you see, kind and gentle reader, why I said I could write a whole book about practice? ♥

Three Truths and One Wish

1. Truth: I thought I had to change, but I don’t. When I first started this life rehab of mine, I imagined becoming an entirely different and new person, completely transformed. I invested in self-help and self-improvement. I took classes, bought books, went on retreats, attended workshops and conferences, joined different communities, made new friends, followed lots of blogs, tried numerous strategies. It was like being on a new diet, but it involved my whole life, my whole self. I was going to work hard and change. Then I realized, I don’t need to change but rather I need to be myself, entirely and exactly. I need to live more deeply into who I really am, my truest self, trusting my innate and fundamental wisdom and compassion and strength.

2. Truth: The answer to every question, every struggle is simply this–relax. This is a truth I’ve been contemplating for some time, and I haven’t been able to stump it. No matter what situation or circumstance I apply it to, it works. It brings with it gentleness, space, awareness, freedom, ease, stillness, wisdom, and breath. When things are hard, relax. When you are confused, relax. When you are struggling, relax. When you are bored, relax. I don’t have to remember anything else, just that.

3. Truth: You can’t rush it. There is no speeding up or pushing or forcing or bullying that will get you there, that will make it happen. It takes the time that it takes. And as Chögyam Trungpa said, “Before we produce anything at all, we have to have a sense of free and open space.” If this feels confusing or difficult, see Truth #2.

One Wish: That we can all see ourselves clearly, love and accept who we really are, and that we can relax and live into that fundamental truth.

Step by Little Step

Dex's snow feet

Service is your heart’s desire made visible. Service is the act of sharing what you most care about for the greater good. It requires no special goodness, thankfully. After our basic needs are met, we all yearn to make a difference and service springs from listening to that yearning – and taking action on it, step by little step. ~Jennifer Louden, The Week of Inward Looking

My most intense longing, my deepest hunger, my heart’s desire is to ease suffering, in myself and in the world. As I have been retreating and reverbing and unravelling and reflecting and contemplating and practicing this past month (year?), it has become clear to me that the “basic need” I still must meet is the essential requirement of self-love and self-care. I need to learn and practice radical self-acceptance.

I was naive at the start of this “life-rehab.” From the moment I first realized I had been in a long term abusive relationship with myself, I believed it would be an easy fix, that with awareness and mindfulness would come immediate and lasting change. I thought I could read a book, take a class, attend a workshop, complete a practice or project, and “presto chango” I would be transformed into a woman completely in love with herself, confident and strong.

I was so wrong. You can’t take years of self-abuse, self-hatred, self-loathing, and all of the self-soothing and coping strategies you’ve developed to counter those behaviors, to numb and distract yourself from all the hurt, and fix it so easily, so quickly. It is hard work to repair the damage done, to restore your self to yourself. Almost every single old habit, way of being has to be undone and replaced. This is slow, heavy work, and while so much has changed for the better already, there is more to be done.


Kris Carr’s post The Myth of Finding Your Purpose is one thing that has helped me to see this more clearly. In it, she says “Your purpose has nothing to do with what you do…Your purpose is about discovering and nurturing who you truly are, to know and love yourself at the deepest level and to guide yourself back home when you lose your way.” She goes on to suggest a whole list of “what ifs” that precisely define what steps one might take to embody your purpose. She ends with saying:

Seriously, what if finding your purpose is about finding and nurturing yourself? Not an external to-do or accomplishment, even if that to-do or accomplishment is the most important discovery of all time. Because if you are the one destined to find the most important ah-ha of all time, you will probably find it quicker and easier if you feel good, loved and happy. Start there. It’s that simple.

This is directly in line with the wisdom of two of my primary practice traditions: yoga and meditation. Both used the term “warrior” to describe the practitioner, and in the lineage of Buddhist philosophy in which I practice, I train to be a Warrior, which is described as:

The Shambhala view of warriorship shares some of the qualities of earlier warrior traditions such as those from the Middle Ages that combined fearlessness with dignity and wisdom. The most important quality of the Shambhala warrior is being non-aggressive. The Shambhala warrior is defined by gentleness and fearlessness. As Chogyam Trungpa said it, “the first principle of warriorship is not being afraid of who you are.” ~William A. Gordon, Shambhala The Path of the Warrior

superhero earth necklace made by andrea scher, a gift to myself

Don’t be afraid of who you are. To be a spiritual warrior, face each moment with openness and fearlessness, because “the ultimate definition of bravery is not being afraid of who you are.” Susan Piver, who also practices in this lineage, defines confidence this way, “the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.”

If service is the fruition, radical self-acceptance is the path. Tara Brach talks about this in Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha, where she defines this practice, this awareness of radical self-acceptance as “the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is.” She goes on to say that:

Perhaps the biggest tragedy of our lives is that freedom is possible, yet we can pass our years trapped in the same old patterns…We may want to love other people without holding back, to feel authentic, to breathe in the beauty around us, to dance and sing. Yet each day we listen to inner voices that keep our life small.

Stop Beating Yourself Up…Start Loving Yourself Radically!!, a video and blog post by Kute Blackson, explain the concept further, with great enthusiasm and clarity.

As one who practices radical self-acceptance, who is confident, a tenderhearted and brave warrior unafraid of herself or her life, showing up with an open heart, no matter how hard or how much it hurts, I can serve. I can embody generosity and love and confidence. I can manifest wisdom and compassion. I can satisfy my longing to ease suffering, in myself and in the world.

I’m still not sure exactly what shape that will take or what it will look like, how exactly it will manifest. Some of the possibilities are as a writer, a teacher, a therapist or coach, a yoga and/or meditation instructor, an artist, a mentor. Some topics I know something about are grief and loss, cancer, addiction, practice, writing, voice (both losing and finding it), mindfulness, and relationship with the self. I’m not exactly sure how those will come together into specific offerings, but I’m okay with not knowing. For now, I will continue to remember, as Jennifer Louden suggests, that “service springs from listening to that yearning – and taking action on it, step by little step.”

The view of the sky from my front porch, right now

I started writing this post in the dark of early morning, as I worked stringing the words and thoughts together the sun rose, and I am finishing with the sun up and out, the sky wide open and clear blue–something about that seems really, really right.

Day of Rest

image by peter harrison

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. ~Maya Angelou

Yesterday afternoon, I sat on a golden couch, laughing, crying, and cuddling with my dear friend and her two pups. The window was open to the sun, our feet were bare, and there was the scent of purple lilacs in the room. We’d gathered together to watch Brene’ Brown give a talk at the Omega NYC Conference, graciously streamed live and for free, “The Anatomy of Joy.”

Brene’ talked about what gets in the way of joy. One thing she mentioned is that we live in a culture of “deep, deep scarcity, and never enough.” It isn’t enough to wake up, love who we love, do our jobs, try our best–we must be extraordinary. From this perspective, our first thought of the day is “I didn’t get enough sleep” and our last is “I didn’t get enough done,” and an ordinary life = a meaningless life.

We think we aren’t enough, that our lives have to be big, loud and shiny to be worthwhile, and this is tragic. It’s disheartening and exhausting to think about how we do this to ourselves, how we’ve internalized these ideas about ourselves and our life, about the value inherent in them, or lack thereof.

If you haven’t already read it, I highly recommend reading Brene’s book The Gifts of Imperfection. It quite literally changed my life, helped to save my life. In it, she expands in detail on many of the concepts she talked about yesterday. The short list, the ways in which we can cultivate joy in our lives, is:

  • Embrace vulnerability
  • Practice gratitude
  • Let go of numbing
  • Set boundaries
  • Own our stories

In terms of practicing gratitude, Brene’ said that it is the way in which we can soften to joy. We can notice, accept grace and love, and give thanks, and in this way, we can fully experience joy, embody it.

When I first encountered Brene’ Brown’s work, I was in a very dark moment of my life. I was grieving, stuck, confused, angry, depressed, anxious, and immersed in habitual and destructive ways of thinking and being–unhappy and suffering.

But now, nine months later, the life I live is in stark contrast to that darkness. Today, as a way of celebrating the changes I’ve made, the risks I took, this transformation, I’d like to share a list of 25 things I did to transform my life.

25 things I did to transform my life

  1. Married Eric
  2. Moved to Colorado
  3. Rescued and raised three dogs
  4. Finished undergraduate and graduate degrees, but chose not to pursue a Ph.D.
  5. Write morning pages
  6. Finally completed The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity, after three attempts and ten years, with the help of a group of amazing women artists
  7. Adopted writing, meditation, yoga, and dog as spiritual, daily practices.
  8. Renegotiated my job, freeing myself from a toxic situation and changing my schedule from 12 months to nine
  9. Shambhala Warrior training
  10. Therapy, three times when I really, really needed it
  11. Work with a trainer
  12. Got rid of cable TV
  13. Stopped drinking alcohol and reduced my dependance on caffeine
  14. Drink more whole, organic juice, and eat cleaner, healthier food
  15. Realized I was a highly functioning food addict and started the hard work of rehabilitating my relationship with food
  16. Get up at 4:30 am every morning
  17. Made a stand up workstation for my computer at home
  18. Formed WILD writing group
  19. Blogging
  20. Teaching
  21. Year of retreat, “Fearless Creativity” retreat with Susan Piver, Well-Fed Woman Retreatshop with Rachel Cole
  22. Bought a ticket to the World Domination Summit
  23. E Courses: Mondo Beyondo, Superhero Photo, Ordinary Courage, Blogging from the Heart, Unravelling, and Telling True Stories
  24. Took vows
  25. Chose to stop smashing myself to bits, to love and care for myself instead

image by yoko nekonomania, blue hygrangea: kelly's favorite flower

What have you done for yourself that you’d like to celebrate? On this day of rest, my hope is that you might take a few minutes and make your own list, even if you don’t write it down or share it, and thank yourself for all the love, all the hard work, and revel in the joy of your life, no matter how ordinary or small it might be.

You are enough. Please, kind and gentle reader, remember how precious you are, how amazing it all is–notice and feel that today, right here, right now.

Cheer up. It’s okay. You’re perfect.

R is for Retreat

my shrine

Retreat is my word for the year. The qualities of retreat I hope to manifest: practice, balance, rest, and transformation. At four months in, a third of the way done, it seems the perfect moment to give you a progress report, to tell you what I’ve learned while on retreat so far.

I am studying a lot with the “master teachers” of my path, mainly women, artists and healers, studying with them both directly and at a distance: Pema Chödrön, Susan Piver, Tara Brach, Andrea Scher, Jen Lemen, Brene’ Brown, Susannah Conway, Rachel Cole, Laurie Wagner, Patti Digh, Jennifer Louden, and Mary Oliver. There are men too: Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, Daniel Collinsworth, Leo Babauta, Ze Frank, Chris Guillebeau, Jonathan Fields, Hugh McCleod, and Austin Kleon.

This isn’t even the full list, simply the primary instigators, the masters. I am reading, studying, taking classes, practicing, connecting and communicating with a rich, vibrant community of creative and compassionate people, and learning so much.

I am continuing to practice: writing, yoga, meditation, and dog. Yoga is steady, constant. There’s nothing new to report there. My meditation practice is deeper, stronger, more intense, more heartfelt and committed. Susan Piver’s Open Heart Project instigated the shift, the softening, and continues to support my practice. I also took vows and recommitted to working with a meditation instructor and participating in my local sangha.

As for dog, every day this practice deepens, as does my relationship with my dogs, my love and appreciation for them. Sam continues to teach me about enthusiasm and patience. Dexter reminds me there’s joy and play in every moment, even as we age and our body begins to change and confuse us. Losing Rocky, along with Dexter getting older, is a contemplation on impermanence–there is enough time, but time is short.

they might be giants

And writing…this is the practice that is the most transformed. Morning pages, this daily writing practice, has been constant for the past 3-4 years. But, starting a blog, taking myself seriously, going to a writing and meditation retreat with Susan Piver, taking Telling True Stories, sharing more of my writing publicly and regularly, has allowed me to rediscover, to claim, my voice and my confidence. I am also clear about my purpose for writing and then sharing it: writing is at first an act of self-care, and then it becomes service. I connect to my basic goodness, my innate wisdom and compassion and strength, and out of this renewed awareness and mindfulness, I can share my insights and hopefully ease suffering in the world.

I believe that at the heart of everything we might judge as “wrong” with our self, our life, our community, our culture, our world is that we have forgotten basic goodness. We have forgotten that we are all connected and fundamentally the same, all of us desiring to be happy and safe, that everything, including us, is precious and sacred, that we can, with confidence, be with what is, as it is–even the messy, confused, brutal, and sharp bits. We are brilliant and sane, one blink of an eye from being completely awake, and brave and strong enough to work with whatever arises.

The things I am still working with, struggling with are resting and my relationship with food. I am getting better. I am more fully embodied, connected to my body and aware of my actual hungers, more loving and kind in my response to them, more willing and likely to provide what is needed, to feed the right wolf.

These habitual patterns, of pushing too hard and too far, pandering to ego and fear, smashing myself to bits, are old, deep, and sticky, so they shift, but more like the way water wears at a rock. The eye doesn’t see the change, but it is happening, slowly and with time transformation happens. There is more love, more kindness, gratitude and confidence.

In terms of my food issues, I realized that at the heart of it was the need for self-love. There is no diet, exercise program, external wisdom, strategy, technique, plan, or routine that would “fix” it. All I have to do is love myself, realize that I am precious and treat myself accordingly. When you know you are precious, you care for yourself, you get enough rest and exercise, you feed yourself well. It all falls into place when your perspective is love, gentle and kind and wise and brave.

just as i am

The biggest realization so far is that I didn’t need to change.

This process of life-rehab has revealed that I didn’t need to become someone else, different or improved, but rather I simply needed to remember, to sink in to, BE who and where I already am. My strengths are exactly those I was born with. I am, and always was, generous, sensitive, kind, insightful, wise, creative, imaginative, curious, wanting connection and community but also needing time alone with stillness and silence and space, a nature and animal lover, collaborative, easy going, nurturing, loving, peaceful, and funny. This is who I have always been, but I learned to mask it, hide it, torture it, because I believe it, believed I wasn’t loveable or enough or worthy or whole or healthy already.

While on retreat, I have remembered myself. I love myself, I appreciate everything I am and everything I have (most of the time), and I am brave enough to be vulnerable, to risk that I’ll show up as I am, my fully embodied and real self, and you might not love me, might not even like me, might actively dislike and reject me. That’s becoming more okay. I love myself, I have faith in my basic goodness, and in that way, I don’t have to depend on you as a source of love and acceptance–I’ve already got that covered. This frees me up to get busy with the real work, of realizing and manifesting my basic goodness, my “buddha-nature,” and being of service, easing suffering where and when I can.

This is freedom. This is life. This is love. I am love.

path with a heart