1. Truth: I find it really, really difficult to go on with my life as usual when someone I love is dying. Today is Eric and I’s 19th wedding anniversary, and even though we have tickets for an Aimee Mann concert tomorrow night, tickets I bought specifically as an anniversary present for us, we both forgot that today was the day to celebrate because we’ve been too distracted by the hard stuff in our lives. And it’s not just the big stuff I’m having trouble engaging, it’s all the small stuff. I had a moment last night when I noticed the thick layer of dust in the living room, on the books, the TV, the end tables, and my first thought after noticing was “I’ll dust when Dexter is gone, because I can’t face it right now, can’t waste time on that. It’s just not important.”
2. Truth: I don’t always know what to do. For a retired perfectionist, a master puzzle solver and super stubborn human, this is incredibly frustrating. I try to stay openhearted and present, quiet and still enough that my innate wisdom can arise, but quite often, the panicked chatter of my monkey mind and the howling of intense emotions get in the way and I am confused.
3. Truth: Practice helps me clear my mind and stay in the present moment. When I write, I can dump all the nonsense and the noise and work my way towards understanding. Yoga and walking help me to move, to feel my body in the world, just as it is, to engage with it fully, to release the tension of resisting the way things are and the wishing for things to be different. When I meditate, my mind softens and settles and I can practice being gentle, allowing my deeper wisdom and compassion to manifest. And the practices of love and dog constantly remind me of impermanence, of the reality that change is real and I have no control, that all I can do is surrender, to open my heart and love knowing full well that my heart will be broken as a result.
One wish: For relief, for our collective suffering, shared and private, to ease. For us to find the strength to stand right where we are, just as we are, keeping our hearts open to the way things really are, knowing that we are a part of something beautiful.
4. This quote from Tara Brach: “No matter how much we meditate or pray, we still need others to help us dismantle the walls of our isolation and remind us of our belonging.”
You may not see us or feel us, but I want you to know that, in this moment and always, you are completely supported. Your tribe is here, wrapping you in loving arms and lifting you up. The Universe is here, holding you, guiding you, and sending you signs so you don’t lose your way. I am here, whispering the truth, reflecting back your beauty and brilliance, always aligned and never betraying you. You are not alone. Capiche?
Today it is time for you to be kind. To you. Just try, sweet friend, just try. You are the only one who knows the parts of you that need kindness the most, and for this reason, only you can provide this kind of deep kindness that you so need.
So today, please just try to be kind to the weak parts of yourself. Be kind to your addictions and your frailties, your mistakes and all of your human parts. Rather than treating these parts of yourself with hatred and disgust, please just take hands with these parts and say, “I am with you, we will make it through this.”
There are these kinds of parts to ALL of us. These parts are lonely, scared and act out in ways that make us sometimes feel ashamed. BUT, they ARE parts of us, and what if we just TRY to treat them with kindness, to put our arms around these parts of ourselves and let them know that no matter what, we will work hard to BE with these parts and teach them with love and truth. Just try, sweetest girl — just try. BE KIND to ALL of you. Let her know that it’s gonna be ok, that you are gonna love her no matter what as she works through all of this.
It will be worth it.
You are so deeply loved.
xoxo
10. You’re The One on the Daily Breadcrumb. Sunni Chapman is one of the most brilliant and wise women out there.
11. Settling In on Soule Mama. I think if I were a mom, this blog might make me feel bad, but I’m not, and it makes me feel so happy. I want this family to adopt me.
14. Book Review: A Field Guide to Now on Scoutie Girl. This book is on my nightstand, and I am slowly reading it, savoring it. Christine Rosalie‘s work, her writing, blog, design, and art, are all gorgeous.
17. Margaret Atwood’s 10 Rules of Writing on Brain Pickings. Margaret Atwood is my favorite author, and I love this particular picture of her almost as much as I love the list of rules.
18. Transitioning on What We Create. Eydie is one of my kind and gentle readers, and this poem and post sums up exactly what I’ve been feeling and thinking this season. She ends it by saying:
Autumn is the season of harvest, of letting go, of decluttering, and clearing…It’s about holding onto only what is essential. Nature is signaling that it’s time to let go of the things, thoughts, patterns and behaviors that weigh us down and diminish our light. As we watch leaves fluttering to the ground, we are reminded that nature’s cycles are mirrored in our lives. Autumn is a time for letting go.
19. Tig Notaro is my new hero. She is funny and so strong, a real badass. Here’s an interview she did on Conan. If you want to buy a copy of the show she references, you can find it here. I downloaded it this morning, and it’s heartbreaking and beautiful and, believe it or not, funny. She was also on this weekend’s This American Life episode.
20. This quote from the Dalai Lama:
Education is the proper way to promote compassion and tolerance in society. Compassion and peace of mind bring a sense of confidence that reduce stress and anxiety, whereas anger and hatred come from frustration and undermine our sense of trust. Because of ignorance, many of our problems are our own creation. Education, however, is the instrument that increases our ability to employ our own intelligence.
1. Truth: I find it really, really difficult to go on with my life as usual when someone I love is dying. Today is Eric and I’s 19th wedding anniversary, and even though we have tickets for an Aimee Mann concert tomorrow night, tickets I bought specifically as an anniversary present for us, we both forgot that today was the day to celebrate because we’ve been too distracted by the hard stuff in our lives. And it’s not just the big stuff I’m having trouble engaging, it’s all the small stuff. I had a moment last night when I noticed the thick layer of dust in the living room, on the books, the TV, the end tables, and my first thought after noticing was “I’ll dust when Dexter is gone, because I can’t face it right now, can’t waste time on that. It’s just not important.”
2. Truth: I don’t always know what to do. For a retired perfectionist, a master puzzle solver and super stubborn human, this is incredibly frustrating. I try to stay openhearted and present, quiet and still enough that my innate wisdom can arise, but quite often, the panicked chatter of my monkey mind and the howling of intense emotions get in the way and I am confused.
3. Truth: Practice helps me clear my mind and stay in the present moment. When I write, I can dump all the nonsense and the noise and work my way towards understanding. Yoga and walking help me to move, to feel my body in the world, just as it is, to engage with it fully, to release the tension of resisting the way things are and the wishing for things to be different. When I meditate, my mind softens and settles and I can practice being gentle, allowing my deeper wisdom and compassion to manifest. And the practices of love and dog constantly remind me of impermanence, of the reality that change is real and I have no control, that all I can do is surrender, to open my heart and love knowing full well that my heart will be broken as a result.
One wish: For relief, for our collective suffering, shared and private, to ease. For us to find the strength to stand right where we are, just as we are, keeping our hearts open to the way things really are, knowing that we are a part of something beautiful.
Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray) 