Category Archives: Blogtoberfest

Wishcasting Wednesday

Large or small, one or many, what treats do you wish for?

Jamie further describes the prompt this way: “Have fun with this wish prompt. Let it be light and playful. Imagine the Universe is answering the door when you come to trick or treat! What do you wish she will put in your treat bag?”

A day off work, all of my work–paid, self-imposed, creative, house, dog care, all of it. A day when I can do whatever I want all day long, no shoulds or have tos or schedule or caring for anyone but me, completely and utterly selfish.

A seven day personal retreat, as described by Susan Piver in her book How Not to Be Afraid of Your Own Life, complete with the 36 hour beginning weekend by myself, preferably spent at Shambhala Mountain Center. I’d also really love to do another retreat with Susan Piver at SMC.

A professional massage. I spend a lot of time really wanting one, needing one, but usually only gift myself a couple of times a year, so this would be a treat.

A book that is so good, I spend the whole day reading it from cover to cover in my pjs.

A movie day. These are even better with my mom, but it’s been so long (in fact, the last one was with her this summer), I’d take one alone, watching movies all day long in my pjs (are you sensing a theme here, dear reader?).

A long hike.

A cabin vacation.

A professional photo shoot. I’d love to have some really nice pictures for my blog.

Long, lazy conversations with friends, full of laughter, and even a few tears.

A surprise “big link” to my blog, something that would give a boost, a little bump to my stats, grow my “army,” my tribe of kind and gentle readers.

A massive decluttering of my space, a simplification of my life, giving me ease and calm and a clean slate, breathing room, room to grow and move around, space to expand into, to fill with things that are useful, that I love and adore.

And since I’m asking for what I really want, what would delight me, I’d like a book deal. And I wish for a kind, gentle, and loving but also powerful editor/agent who adores me and my work and wants nothing more than to bring it to a larger audience, to ensure that all I have to do is open my heart, show up and string the words together, pour all my love and suffering out on the page, and she’ll take care of the rest.

Three Truths and One Wish

1. Truth: The secret to flight, to freedom is to open your heart. For the longest time I’ve been gluing found feathers to my sleeves and in my hair, drawing ink outlines of wings on the skin of my back, buying angel wings intended to be used for Halloween costumes, reading books on the mechanics of flight, imagining that in this way I would eventually learn to fly. Flight–the journey through space, movement through time, escape from fixed ideas and expectations, freedom doesn’t happen this way. Instead I have to relax, let go, leap or float away, open my heart and let it all in, soar in a way that is entirely different than birds do.

2. Truth: Unravelling, being broken can wake you up, give you back your life. When this started to happen to me–trauma, loss, grief, suffering–I imagined myself a perfectly constructed sweater being unravelling loop by loop, stitch by stitch, falling apart, but it turns out it was more like a tangled mess of Christmas lights, usable and workable only after they were unravelled–only then could they be lit up, only then could they color the darkness. I lost so much, only to discover what was true, what was real, what mattered in the ashes of my life after the burning. At times, it felt like dying, but it was only after, shaky and raw, that I felt fully alive, broken open.

3. Truth: Courage and vulnerability are essential, the only way to stay awake. Courage is the ability to do something that scares you, to have strength in the face of pain or grief. To be vulnerable is to be exposed potential harm, to possibly be hurt, wounded. To love what is mortal, to open my heart and be present with whatever arises, to be fully alive, awake and present, to accept impermanence is to be both vulnerable and courageous.

One wish: May we be brave even as we are broken. May we keep our hearts open knowing that we are vulnerable, that we’ll be hurt. May we have the courage to unravel, to fly, to love, to stay awake to life as it comes, whether terrible or tender, beautiful or brutal.