#reverb13: Day 16

reverb13Reverb13 prompt: “Habits and addictions, some are silly, some serious; when we have issues without answers, they can hold us so tight that we stop moving forward with the life we intended. Were you able to loosen those fetters this year, and if you were successful, how did you manage it? Did you accept outside help, or work alone?  If you still feel that grasp of addiction or hurtful habits, what will you do differently in the year to come?”

Addiction, habit, disorder, insanity, whatever you want to call it I spent this year healing my relationship with myself. I’ve been working on it ever since I made my first New Year’s Resolution three years ago which had nothing to do with losing weight or exercising more or simplifying my life or getting published, but rather was a simple wish to be better friends with myself. As part of that process this year, I focused on self-compassion and how I feed myself, how I move.

This intention was complicated by losing Dexter and the lingering trauma and anxiety which is now being focused on Sam, (he has some unexplained itching and shaking that could be anything from simple anxiety and reactivity, all the way to a cranial deformity which is putting pressure on his brain and spine).

I started seeing a therapist. I took part in an Intuitive Eating book group facilitated by Rachel Cole. I stopped weighing myself and dieting. I started taking Nia classes. I signed up for yoga teacher training. I committed to honoring both my hunger and my fullness.

This way of being is old, deep, and sticky, so it’s going to take time. That’s okay. I am willing and able, and this is totally workable.

Besottment prompts: “What was your most memorable moment with family in 2013?” and “What was the bravest thing you did in 2013?”

These two prompts together yield only one possible answer: letting Dexter go. Eric, Sam and I were all there with him, and it took all the courage I had to be there, to accept it, to keep my heart open to all of it, the big love and the heavy grief. When you let go of someone you love, you do the impossible.

Project Reverb prompt: “1,000 Words | There’s the old saying that a photo is worth 1,000 words. Give us a photo with that impact that sums up some significant even of your 2013, or give us 1,000 words about a pivotal moment in 2013.”


7 thoughts on “#reverb13: Day 16

  1. Kat McNally

    “Old, deep and sticky”. That’s a perfect description for the old selves we have inhabited.
    I love the way you are working with this and can see through the overwhelm towards something very achievable. You’re truly incredible.

  2. Jen Allen

    Sometimes I forget that it is a process, that I didn’t get this way over-night and that getting healthy should take awhile – that there will be starts and stops and struggles along the way. It is always, as you say, workable.


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