Tag Archives: Clarity

Three Truths and One Wish

before

Just last week, I was making wishes for space I’d like to create. In that post I said, “My initial response, first thought, immediate wish as I sit at my cluttered mess of a writing desk is to create space here, space for creating, contemplating, practicing. I wish to clean, clear, and organize, to get rid of what doesn’t belong here, what isn’t serving or inspiring me.” For the past few days, I’ve been working on manifesting that wish.

1. Truth: It’s hard to start. At first it feels too overwhelming, there’s too much stuff and too little time. It’s hard to know where to even begin when my space looks like an advertisement for an episode of Hoarders. But I think the Jeff Oak’s quote I shared on my Something Good list yesterday is what finally happened for me: “Breathe until the feeling of being buried brings the need to break open.”

deskhoard

2. Truth: In the end, you just have to start. I knew I couldn’t work in the chaos, so my first act was to take all the things on or around my writing desk and move them into the garage, clean the slate. A few required a quick sort before I could move them, but once that space was cleared, once I got started, I could move around, had a better sense of a plan.

I know this from just about every project or task I’ve ever undertaken — I just have to start, do one small thing, take one tiny step, keeping my focus on the thing directly in front of me, fully present for the doing. When I get close to done with this, the next step is clear, there is a natural progression.

space

3. Truth: When it comes to sorting and getting rid, editing, two questions are helpful:

  • Is this useful? is this supporting the work I’m trying to do, how I want to live? Is it functional and workable, related to my goals and values?
  • Is this beautiful? Does it inspire and encourage me, give me joy and ease simply by being present? Is it precious?

Anything that doesn’t fall into either of these two categories, utility or beauty, has to go — donated, gifted, recycled, or trashed.

peoniesonmydesk02

One Wish: That we all can have spaces where we have easy access to the tools and support we need to do our work, to live our lives, and that these spaces inspire us, fill us with joy and good energy and a sense of peace.

Gratitude Friday

1. Lee Martinez Park. Birds singing, mad with love for Spring. How green everything is getting. A lone goose gliding across the pond, a heron standing in the river waiting for a fish. Baby animals, including a litter of fox kits and a new baby cow at the Farm, (that I can’t get a good picture of yet, because whenever I get close enough, my dogs start barking at her, and I don’t want her to learn to be afraid of dogs, or suggest to my dogs that it’s okay to bark at babies).

2. Clarity and compassion. Being able to take a pause, a deep breath when I am confused, to contemplate and write, to look around and consider, to take a long walk, and through these things, with faith in my own truth and wisdom, I know.

3. A life partner. Someone to share the sadness and anxiety with, along with the joy. Someone who is all in, trustworthy, patient, smart, funny, and an introvert like me, happy to be at home with our dogs, sitting in the backyard with a book, or taking a long walk. Someone who likes to watch PBS shows about museums, but also loves Flo Rida as much as I do. Someone who doesn’t mind eating at the same three or four restaurants time and time again. Someone who will clean the bathroom, wash the dishes, and mow the lawn. Someone who loves me and thinks I’m awesome even when I’m being kind of awful. Someone who will send me pictures of my dogs while I’m at work, who leaves love notes for me on the kitchen counter, signing his name in case I wonder who it’s from. He’s my favorite.

20 years ago

20 years ago in our first backyard

4. Getting Naked, the ecourse. Specifically I am grateful for the lyrical, loving energy of our teacher and my friend, Julia Fehrenbacher. Yet again, she’s created a beautiful thing, sent light and love and wisdom out into the world.

5. A spoonful of crunchy peanut butter and a sweet crisp apple. If there is a better snack, I don’t know what it is.

Bonus Joy: Another week with Dexter. This past Sunday, Eric took Sam hiking, so Dexter and I walked to Lee Martinez Park. We forgot the Colorado Marathon was happening, that there would be so many runners on the Poudre Trail. The one time we had to cross over, stay on the trail for a few minutes to get to the path on the other side, we were running with everyone, and we both think that for those few moments, we were winning.

Gratitude Friday

1. Dexter’s continued good health, and the help we’ve had with that. After his physical therapy appointment yesterday, he was so happy, had so much energy, felt so good. He’s even been cleared to run a little again. We were in the backyard after his appointment soaking up the sun when Eric came home from work. In celebration, Dexter started tearing around the yard like a much younger version of himself–ears back, butt tucked, smile on his face. Such joy.

2. Clarity and space. A clear mind and a somewhat clear environment.

3. Spring. The sun, the birds singing, the green, the bud and the bloom. When I was in the backyard yesterday with the dogs, I thought to myself, “I am so happy right now.”

4. Open Heart Retreat. Later today, I am headed to Shambhala Mountain Center for a retreat led by the brilliant Susan Piver. I am so grateful for her, our shared practice, that I can afford to go, that Eric will be here to take care of our boys, and that Dexter is doing well enough that I won’t worry about him too much, (although, I’ve already warned Eric I’ll be calling three or four times a day to check on him).

5. Health care options. I am going to meet with my new doctor in about an hour. I am so lucky to be able to make choices, to get support in my efforts to be as healthy as possible.

Bonus Joy: You may have already guessed, but we had another week with sweet Mr. D. I took this picture this morning after we got done playing with his Little D.

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Gratitude Friday

theboys

This post started as a mashup of The Little Bliss List and Joy Jam, and as such is meant to celebrate: the little things that brought me hope and happiness this week, the sweet stuff of life, those small gifts that brought me joy this week. By sharing them, I not only make public my gratitude, but maybe also help you notice your own good stuff and send some positive energy out into the world.

1. Running. You heard that right, and no this isn’t a joke. I am grateful that I am alive, healthy, and my body is up for it.

runningshoes
2. Clarity. About the help I need, about where to focus my energy, time, effort. I had an awesome coaching session with Andrea Scher this week, and her ability to see, her compassionate and clear vision, always surprises me, touches me, inspires me.

3. Good things happening to good people. People who have been working, trying so hard, suffering and struggling and loving as big as they can stretch, people who deserve it, people I love, people who inspire and support me.

4. Sleep. I’d like even more of it, but I’m grateful for the rest I do get, and that it’s usually easy for me, there’s no struggle involved, that I can surrender to it.

5. Laughing with Eric. Only he’ll understand this, but this one is for you, Mr. Salahub: “This is designed to hurt. This is designed to hurt.” I’m so lucky we find the same things funny, can so easily make each other laugh.

Bonus Joy: Another week with Dexter. This time has taught me so much about being present, about gentleness and play, about love.

bigdlittled

Clarity

I’ve been thinking a lot about questions this week. About knowing the right ones to ask, being curious, listening and looking for answers everywhere. One reason is because I have the opportunity to ask a single question of an Intuitive Counselor I met at the World Domination Summit this summer (we talked the whole time about dogs, so I liked her immediately, knew she was some sort of coach, but not the specifics of her work until I looked her up later). I have the chance to get her help in getting clear about something important to me. I am working on the question, trying to carefully craft it, aware that the difference between “how” and “what” in a case like this can be enormous, and not wanting to be like one of those people in those old stories who are granted three wishes and completely screw it up, wasting the whole lot of them because they don’t word them wisely.

I’ve talked before about how I love divination, intuition, auspicious concidence, serendipity: a chance meeting, an unexpected connection, a feather in my path, a heart-shaped rock, picking a random line from a sacred text, tarot readings, throwing I-Ching coins, Hiro Boga’s Deva Cards, dream interpretation, Q-Cards qcasting, or any such oracle through which the universe might send me a message.

As I’ve said before, “Go ahead and think I’m weird, but I believe it’s just one more way to get clear about where I am and what I should be focusing on. I think this is one of the ways the Universe sends me messages, because I open my heart and ask, but even if it’s just a message from my unconscious or random chance that doesn’t really mean anything, I find it a useful tool for gaining some insight on my current situation, whatever that happens to be.”

And this week, Jamie Ridler provided two opportunities for getting clear, for asking the questions. The first was the Full Moon Dreamboard, the Full Frost Moon, which asked “What is clear about your dreams? What further clarity do you seek?” And, on the same day was Wishcasting Wednesday, which asked “What clarity do you wish for?” I didn’t even post about the wishcast, wrote it in my journal instead since I’d already posted that day about my search for clarity and what I’d discovered through my dreamboard practice. I didn’t want to bore you, kind and gentle reader.

But I can’t stop thinking about it, and it keeps coming up. Susan Piver shared with the Open Heart Project Practitioners a collection of questions she’s considering as we move into a new year, I am getting daily Wisdom Notes and prompts from Rachel Cole, and I’m in charge of coming up with a set of questions, contemplations for a collective of courage cultivators I’ll be meeting with in a few weeks. And yesterday I read Kat’s post on I Saw You Dancing, and it was all about seeking clarity, “I’m trying to understand who I am, why I am here, what I am going to do with this one precious life of mine.” What she discovered is

The destination I had reached was, in fact, exactly where I was already standing. And all the stuff that I am meant to do in this life is, in fact, stuff that I am already doing.

I keep bumping up against this idea, that I already am. It was the third truth in my Three Truths and One Wish post this week, “I don’t need to become something else, because I am already.” The comment I left for Kat said how much I loved her post, how she’d described the process,

The rambly abstract brilliant mess of this life we live, where we look and look and search and try and question and run around crazy, only to realize in one moment, in a flash that our feet and our breath are right there, the ground is right there, our heart beats the same rhythm it has from the very beginning.

Kat is hosting Reverb12 during the month of December, and as host she will provide daily prompts that help those of us participating to “reflect on the year that has passed and start to manifest your dreams for the new year.” More specifically, they will be about “celebrating the successes of 2012, honouring the challenges of 2012, and planting the seeds for a rich and rewarding 2013.”

The places I’m currently seeking clarity, where I have questions seem to be all related to obstacles, the things keeping me from living my best, healthiest and most wholehearted life, from fully realizing my dreams. I wish to be clear about working with those who are suffering and confused (both in my personal and work relationships, and with people I don’t even really know), I want to know how I can best help, I would like to understand the specifics of how I might turn my heart’s work into my paid work, I wish to realize how to completely let go of old habits and thought patterns that no longer serve me, I’d like to be clearer about my “thing” (where should I be focusing my time, my attention, my love? do I need further specialization or certification to fully step into my purpose? if so, what?). How to ask all that in the form of a single question is my immediate challenge.

While I understand that I don’t need to change, that I am already worthy and whole just as I am, fundamentally wise and compassionate and awake, and I am already thoroughly in love with my life as it is and full of gratitude for what I have, I’m so curious about what’s going to happen next.