Something Good

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Image by Eric

Image by Eric

1. Feast with Rachel Cole. I can’t wait to get started. I’m so ready.

2. Transformation, and Against Fearlessness, wisdom from Elizabeth Gilbert on Facebook.

3. happy 10th birthday, 37days! from Patti Digh.

4. The Death of the Artist—and the Birth of the Creative Entrepreneur from The Atlantic.

5. Uncertainty is not the same thing as risk from Seth Godin.

6. Swallowing your words, paying rent in hell, and maintaining appearances. Why we make (unhealthy) compromises from Danielle LaPorte.

7. Universal Letter Writing Week: January 8 – 14, 2015 hosted by Alexandra Franzen.

8. Wisdom from Kavita Ramdas,

We need more women that are so strong they can be gentle, so educated they can be humble, so fierce they can be compassionate, so passionate they can be rational, and so disciplined they can be free.

9. Take A Look Inside This Luxury, 280 Square Foot ‘Tiny House’ In Oregon. And, This Gorgeous Zen-Like Tiny House Spans Generations.

10. Wisdom from Curvy Yoga.

11. YOU Are Not Your Food Plan from Sue Ann Gleason, an older post that is worth another look.

12. Savor from Just Lara, also an older post that is worth a read.

13. Diet Culture: An Introduction & Condemnation. Word.

14. 2014: The year in review from Susannah Conway.

15. Roundup: Books for the soul from The Chicago Tribune. I especially like the part about Anne Lamott.

16. 2015 Resolution For Writers: Be Big (And Then, Be Small) on Terrible Minds.

17. Six ways of compassionate living, (also known as the six Paramitas), wisdom from Pema Chödrön,

Generosity. Giving as a path of learning to let go.
Discipline. Training in not causing harm in a way that is daring and flexible.
Patience. Training in abiding with the restlessness of our energy and letting things evolve at their own speed. If waking up takes forever, still we go moment by moment, giving up all hope of fruition and enjoying the process.
Joyful enthusiasm. Letting go of our perfectionism and connecting with the living quality of every moment.
Meditation. Training in coming back to being right here with gentleness and precision.
Prajna (or transcendent wisdom). Cultivating an open, inquiring mind.

18. A wonderful Zen koan: Student: “I’m reaching for the light, please help me.”
Teacher: “Forget about the light. Give me the reaching.”

19. Learning To Love Your Life, As It Is, from Mara Glatzel.

20. The 4 Things I Learned On A 10-Day Silent Meditation Retreat on Thought Catalog.

21. I Come to This Year, a poem from Jonathan Fields.

22. A touch of joy for your New Year from Jamie Greenwood.

23. A wonder-filled new year from Christina Rosalie.

24. New Year’s Wishes and gifts from Neil Gaiman.

25. New Year, Not-New Me by Stacy Morrison.

26. Bad Luck of Random Mutations Plays Predominant Role in Cancer, Study Shows. Next time I hear someone say stress or using plastic containers or eating dairy causes cancer, instead of punching them in the face I’ll give them the link to this. (Confession: having lost loved ones to cancer, it makes me so mad when I hear anyone trying to assign blame solely to the choices people make — even though I understand they do it to feel safe because it would mean all they have to do to avoid the hell that is cancer would be to make the “right” choices, because it would mean we can control what happens to us).

27. On becoming silent… from Erica Staab.

28. Good stuff from Austin Kleon: My morning routine and How to read more.

29. Wisdom from Geneen Roth,

I’d spent so many years believing that when I lost weight, I would turn into a different person — an easygoing, thick-haired, long-legged, Angelina Jolie type — that it took me awhile to get used to the thinner version of the same old me. But then I realized that I had a life that no one else could have. I stopped writing poetry (which I was terrible at) and started writing what only I could write — my books about emotional eating from a personal perspective. When I gave up wanting to have a life that wasn’t my own, I was able to grow into the life that was already mine, waiting for me to see, inhabit, and live it.

Try this experiment: Instead of waiting to be thin to be happy, try being happy right now. Live as if you were already thin, as if you liked yourself, as if you chose to have the life you have right now.

My bet is that you will discover the real It thing: the riches of your own life that were yours all along.

30. Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying on The Rumpus. Heartbreaking, but so beautifully written and honest — the best kind of writing.

31. Gracias a La Vida (Cover) by Daniela Andrade. Such beautiful lyrics.

32. 6 Quotes & Images to Inspire Simplicity from Be More With Less.

33. Photo Doggies for Anthony, a really easy way to send someone who needs it some love.

34. Tweeting my way through the Himalayas by Paul Jarvis.

35. A Tragic Death Leads to a Nonprofit to Help Rescue Stray Pine Ridge Dogs. I love Pine Ridge kids. I love Pine Ridge dogs. I love helping both. Jayla Marie Rodriguez died on my birthday. This breaks my heart, but gives me a way to help, and I’m grateful for that.

36. 10 Ways to Say ‘No’ That Won’t Damage Business or Relationships.

37. Becoming One With Dharma by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche.

Day of Rest

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gymfeetI did something really hard yesterday. I broke up with my trainer. We’ve been working together for almost eight years. It all started when I was almost 40 and recovering from a knee injury. I was afraid to start lifting weights again, worried I’d injure my knee in a more permanent way. I was scared of how my body was aging. It couldn’t do the things I made it do when I was in my 20s. I decided to hire a trainer to help me, and he did. He got me past my fear of injuring my knee, helped me cultivate confidence, supported me as I got stronger, encouraged me in all my efforts, both in and outside the gym.

It was a perfect fit. He challenged me to try things but wasn’t pushy. He didn’t bully me as a training technique as I’ve seen so many others do. We used to joke about it, him yelling “last chance workout!” like on the show The Biggest Loser while we both tried not to laugh. He wasn’t just my trainer, he’s my friend.

And yet, as I was working through all the prompts and reflections and contemplations on New Year’s Day, questions like “what do you want to create in 2015?” and “what do you want to let go in the new year?,” one thing kept coming up, something that I knew would be hard but also knew in my gut was right — I needed to take a break from training.

So yesterday morning, I sent him an email explaining. I still hadn’t heard back from him when I decided to go to the gym. I needed to go, to get myself past that first time there as a free agent, to make sure I didn’t fall into a pattern of avoiding it. As I walked in the back hallway, I heard a voice that sounded like his, but I didn’t think he was ever there on a Saturday. Then I saw him. My first thought was “oh crap. I should have checked the parking lot for his car.” I didn’t know if he’d read my email yet and I felt so awkward, knew this moment would come but hadn’t expected it today.

I walked to the front of the gym, towards the cubbies and coat hooks, and I considered walking out the front door and going straight back home. I told myself to calm down, it was my gym too. I had the right to be here, to take up space, and this was how it would be now. It wasn’t like I expected him to be mean, but I wasn’t sure if he’d be mad, hurt, or ignore me altogether. It was just so awkward.

I got on the elliptical machine way up front, put on my headphones, and started my workout. Maybe he’d be gone by the time I was done. Maybe he didn’t even see me. I played out all the worst case scenarios my hysterical brain could come up with — him confronting and yelling at me, getting into a fight with him, needing to ask the owner to mediate the situation, my ex-trainer laughing at my attempts to work out on my own, judging and criticizing me, me having to find another gym — all things that would never happen. And yet, my fight or flight lizard brain insisted on considering each one.

About 10 minutes into my workout, he came to talk to me. He was his same upbeat, professional self. He’d gotten my email, supported my decision, only ever wants for me to succeed, is available to help any time, etc. We hugged and I went back to my workout. No big deal, even though it was.

I share this with you, kind and gentle reader, because it’s a good example of the importance of honoring your own truth, even when it’s difficult and uncomfortable. It is part of my path to health and wellness, finding the ways my body wants to move, without any direction from anyone else. I need to be my own expert, my own trainer. The experience also reminds me of all the ways my mind freaks out, panics, suggests extreme actions in response to fear, and that I don’t have to run away with it. I can stay, feel what I feel but stand my ground, remain sane. I can be in a situation that’s difficult and find my way through it, allow my innate wisdom to arise, be stronger because of the experience.

I sometimes forget that to have the life I want, I don’t just rid myself of the bad things. Sometimes the choice is between two good things, and making the right choice is based in understanding that there’s simply not room for both. I can’t do everything. Inherent in the question “what do you want?” are the things I’ll have to let go of in order to make room. In this case, I want to nourish myself, to feed and to cherish, and this was one of the things I needed to let go to make space for that. I want to move my body the way it wants to move, I want to feel good, energized and strong. I want to experience the power and confidence that comes from training myself. I know what to do. I know what I want.