1. Truth: Four years ago today, I published my first blog post. Luckily WordPress reminded me of the anniversary otherwise I would have posted like it was any other day. So much has changed in four years, and I think if I were somehow able to tell who I was back then where I’d be now, she wouldn’t have believed it. I published an ebook, I’m a certified yoga instructor with a regular weekly class, I took Buddhist refuge vows so when someone asks if I’m a Buddhist my answer is “yes” instead of “well, I study and practice Buddhism, but I’m not actually a Buddhist,” I stopped dieting and overexercising, I got help for my dis-ordered eating, I am making peace with my body and food, I’m still at CSU but I’m now the Communications Coordinator for the English department, people I used to follow online are now my friends in real life, I’ve been published in print more than once, I’m getting paid for some of my blogging, I’ve done numerous guest posts, I’ve published 1370 posts here, I lost Dexter and got Ringo, and I’ve attended numerous workshops and retreats. The me that said in that first post, “It doesn’t seem to matter how bad I want it, how important it is to me, how long I’ve thought about it, how much I dream about it, or how deeply I long for it – it is hard to begin,” would be amazed at what we’ve accomplished, would be so happy she took the risk and started.
2. Truth: I worry that I’m boring. This was the truth that came to me as I was writing this morning, before I realized it was my blogiversary. I’m so white, so regular, so first world, so middle class, so routine, so same, so uninteresting. Evidence: I love fall. My favorite outfit is a black vneck tshirt, cargo pants, and Birkenstock sandals. I’d rather stay home than go out, especially at night and on the weekends. Clean pjs and clean sheets make me stupid happy. I love doing laundry. I’ve been married to the same person for 22 years, and I still like him and he’s just as boring as me. I talk about my dogs too much, have too many pictures of them sleeping and videos of them playing. I go to bed by 9 pm every night and get up at 5 am every morning. I drive a white four-door Honda Accord with a gray interior that is 18 years old. I’ve worked at the same place for 14 years. I have not one but two English degrees. Boring. But I also know that’s just a story, a lie I tell to keep myself safe, because if I’m boring, I’ll stay quiet, not risk anything.
3. Truth: I’m trying to focus on just one thing in my creative work. I had a coaching session with the amazing Caroline Leon of Life is Limitless yesterday, and this is just one of the things she helped me clarify, that trying to attempt ALL THE THINGS was holding me back, was overwhelming me. We figured out one thing I could focus on, something that I could complete that would give me a sense of movement without making me too crazed — I’m going to offer an in person half day workshop, a mix of yoga and mediation and writing, and run it sometime in October so that it’s completed by November 1st. I spent a lot of my writing session this morning planning it out. I’m hoping to cultivate more ease overall in my life (because it’s rare) without having to stop altogether, and this focusing on one thing at a time in my creative work seems like a brilliant idea.
One wish: That we could all slow down, find some ease and focus. That we could honor the celebrations big and small, see beyond the limiting stories we tell ourselves, and find ease in effort that nourishes us.
