Daily Archives: December 3, 2012

Reverb12: Day Three

reverb12

Remember

The full prompt from Linar Studio: “What is one thing you did this year you think you’ll remember for the rest of your life?”

The last trip I took to the beach with my sweet Dexter. When we got back to Colorado after a month in Waldport, he was diagnosed with a fatal cancer, given a very short time to live. By some freak miracle, he’s still here, but we will never take that trip again, never spend weeks at a time talking long walks on the beach followed by long naps and then another walk. I will always remember how much he hated that long drive, two days in the car, how this last time he shook and panted and whined, but when we arrived, he knew just where we were and was so happy. I will always remember how he rolled in seal poop and how bad it smelled, how excited he was to find a tennis ball and a frisbee on the beach (“what?! free toys?!”), how he played and played, ran and ran. I will never forget that’s the first place he had a bloody nose, a reverse sneeze–the first signs of the cancer.

Dexter embraces his gray hair.

Storm

The full prompt from Besottment: “What storm did you weather in 2012? Big or small… obstacle(s) did you overcome? Feel free to be literal if you prefer… was there an actual storm that you survived?”

There were private storms, things I can’t really talk about here, don’t ever talk about here, ugliness that goes on “behind the scenes.” What I can tell you is how hard it is to love someone so much, to want what is best for them, but have to stand by, helpless and hopeless, watching them fail, struggle, and suffer. I’ve had to realize, accept that I can’t force anyone to change, and that I also can’t love them enough that they’ll want to change.

Year in Review

The full prompt is from Carolyn Rubenstein’s Reverb11 list: “As you reflect back on the happenings of 2011, what were your high points and what were your low points? What do you notice as you look back on the year as a whole?”

The Good

The Bad and The Ugly

  • Dexter was diagnosed with fatal cancer, and has had a few related issues that were pretty scary and sad.
  • A cancer scare of my own.
  • An ongoing struggle with being a highly functioning food addict.
  • Fatigue.
  • From time to time, I really struggled with my meditation practice.
  • Our washing machine died.
  • Some stuff I don’t even want to talk about here.

You know what I notice as I look back over the last year, kind and gentle reader? It was a great year, I have a lot to be grateful for and am so lucky.

What do you really wish for?

The full prompt, from Cam of Curly Pops and Kat at I Saw You Dancing: “Imagine a scenario where you only had one year left to live. What is one thing that you really wish to do that you just haven’t had the chance to accomplish yet? what steps could you take (however small) to ensure that you accomplish this thing in 2013?”

This is so hard to answer, because there are things I want to do before I die, but they might not be important enough to do if I only had a single year left. For example, I want to write a book. That matters to me, is important. I have something to say that feels like it needs to be shared.

And yet, if I only had a year left to live, I might want to spend every minute, rather than working on a big writing project, with Eric and my furry boys, with people I love, who make me laugh. Maybe get a house on the beach for four of those months, spend another four in a cabin in the mountains somewhere, and the last four in our tiny house that I love so much, doing the stuff we love to do.

Beautiful Things.

The full prompt, from Meredith’s Daily Angst: “What brought beauty into your life this year? Was it a tangible thing or something intangible?”

Gifts: little and big, received and given.

superhero earth necklace made by andrea scher, a gift to myself

superhero earth necklace made by andrea scher, a gift to myself

Connection: with all the beautiful, open-hearted, brave people I’m lucky enough to know. Long conversations about life, love, impermanence, books, eye brow waxing, and dogs. Laughter.

Time and Mindfulness: All the hours, the moments, each breath spent experiencing nature and love and joy and rest, meeting reality with an open heart.

The sky: it has been amazing this year, a real show off, every season, any time of day–or maybe I’m just now noticing it?

august18sky6

Something Good

decmorningmoon1. Kickstart Your Change: Free courses that help you dream big, take action, and change your life.”

2. This quote from Cheri Huber: “Whatever we are experiencing at any moment does not have to be resisted or improved or analyzed.  It is possible simply to open oneself to whatever is here.” Amen, (now if only I could do this consistently).

3. Brené Brown on Vulnerability, On Being Podcast.

4. This quote from Edward Hays, A Book of Wonders: “Grant me daily the grace of gratitude, to be thankful for all my many gifts, and so be freed from artificial needs, that I might lead a joyful, simple life.”

5. How To Sit With Your Emotions from Effervescence.

6. This quote from Howard Thurman: “Don’t worry about what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

dec12sky7. Bow to Whatever it is, a poem by Tara Sophia Mohr shared by Julia on Painted Path.

8. This quote from Anna Quindlen: “The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”

9. This contemplation from Ram Deev: Prioritize health. What’s the point of freeing ourselves if we’re forced to experience that freedom caged inside an unhealthy body?

10. How To Uncover Your Values (And Why You’d Want To) from Tamarisk Saunders-Davies.

11. Affluenza, a documentary from PBS. An oldie, but a goody.

12. Top Documentary Films. Watch documentaries online for free, (this is where I originally found Affluenza, which I first saw 15 years ago).

13. Sun Jar, a solar powered garden light. I have always wanted one of these, was reminded of them the other day. This company has some other really cool stuff, so take a look around.

14. Thoughts On Feeling Shiny Again, a really great post from Holly on decor8.

15. Five Practices to Stay Grounded During a Busy Season from Scoutie Girl. Just looking at this list makes me feel better.

16. This quote from La Rochefoucauld, “A man who finds no satisfaction in himself will seek for it in vain elsewhere.” Ain’t that the truth…

17. Get the World’s Simplest Minimalism Formula from Live Collar Free. “A simple ‘program’ for getting rid of a lifetime of collected and gathered belongings,” just what I need.