January | 2012 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

Small Stone: My Journals

Yesterday, I worked on cataloging my journals from the past ten years (a project I’d started earlier but never finished), putting book plates with date ranges in the covers, reading various passages, and stacking and organizing them by date. I showed Eric, noting how interesting it was that the piles from the last few years got increasingly taller, and how many of the ones from 2001-2009 weren’t completely full, still had empty, blank pages. He said it looked like a bar graph.

What I noticed most–besides how much more I am writing now, after struggling with writer’s block for decades–is something I notice when I reread posts from this blog: my struggles don’t really change that much over time, and even as I struggle, there is so much wisdom there. I like to imagine the real change, the one the “bar graph” illustrates, is the increase in compassion I’ve applied to the process. What I’d like to think is that the real change is I am kinder to myself, more present and a better friend. This isn’t just a small stone, it’s more like a whole river bed of rocks.

TL;DR: I catalog my journals from the past ten years and notice that while I still struggle with many of the same things, I have wisdom, I am kinder, and I am writing more and more.

Small Stone: Group Meditation

A large group gathered at the Fort Collins Shambhala Meditation Center to hear the Level 1: The Art of Being Human (“Discovering basic goodness in the world and ourselves”) opening night talk. We are sitting, a few moments of group meditation before the teacher arrives. We have settled in and are silent and still, a collective calm having fallen over the room. Then, a woman’s cellphone rings. She grabs her purse and hurries out of the meditation hall.

The energy of her exit causes a wave of movement. People shift and stretch, cough or clear their throat, and a few check again to be sure their cellphones are turned off or muted. By the time the woman returns to her cushion, the room has once again gone quiet. I am reminded of how karma works, cause and effect, the way the energy of one person ripples out and impacts the world around them. In every moment, you have the opportunity to rock the boat or to row, or even to remain quiet and still, simply floating in the moment as it is.