Tag Archives: Self-Love

Organic, Super Green, and Naked

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This is a long post, so as a public service, TL; DR: Self-love is the key. And I am devoting myself to it.

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know that I struggle with balance, finding a middle path, a middle way. This difficulty manifests in everything I do: how I work, how I practice, what I eat, how much I rest (or don’t), how I relate to people, what I think about, how much I exercise (or don’t), what I do about what I feel (or don’t), how I treat myself–everything.

Add to this that as a highly sensitive person, I have to be careful what I expose myself to: media, text, tv, radio, people. “Garbage in, garbage out” is an absolute truth for me. I have difficulty processing negativity, toxicity, and get easily overstimulated, overwhelmed. I have trouble putting any boundary or barrier between myself and the energy around me. Everything gets in.

In an effort to put better things in, to “feed” myself with things that nourish and nurture me, I signed up for a gaiam.tv membership. They have all kinds of good, health and well-being focused media. On the first day, I watched the documentary “I Am.” Then yesterday, I watched two documentaries, “Hungry for Change” and “Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead,” (this second one is actually on Netflix). Both focused on transforming your health, and both have me thinking a slightly different way about what I am doing, how I am moving through my life, and what I might do differently, how I might find balance.

What I found so encouraging in Hungry for Change is that there’s a whole section towards the end that discusses the importance of self-love to health and well-being, and talks about how detrimental, how damaging self-loathing and self-hate can be–that essentially, without self-love, health and well-being are impossible. This has long been my suspicion, that until I learned to stop smashing myself to bits, I would stay stuck, wrecked, and broken.

Some quotes from the film:

As a doctor, let me tell you what self-love does–it improves your hearing, your eyesight, it lowers your blood pressure, it increases pulmonary function, cardiac output…so if we had a rampant epidemic of self-love then our healthcare costs would go down dramatically. So this isn’t just some little frou-frou new age notion, oh you know, “love yourself honey.” This is hard core science. (Dr. Christiane Northrup)

What was the most important thing to keep off the weight? What do I believe was the most crucial component? Without question: love–love for myself and love for others. (Frank Ferrante)

Something miraculous happens when you take care of yourself. You realize that you are precious…You become in love with yourself basically, and it shines, it overflows to others, becomes contagious. You give others the permission to be in love with themselves, with life. (Evita Ramparte)

Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead told a great story about Australian Joe Cross (one of the people featured in Hungry for Change), “100 pounds overweight, loaded up on steroids and suffering from a debilitating autoimmune disease…at the end of his rope and the end of his hope.” The film “chronicles Joe’s personal mission to regain his health.”

Joe goes on a 60 day juice fast (he calls it a Reboot), loses a ton of weight, gets healthy, and helps a bunch of other people along the way. I was completely and utterly inspired by him. His transformation was sensible, doable, rational–more fruits and vegetables, more exercise. But more importantly, he made a decision to take care of himself, to take charge of his own health and well-being.

I can’t do 60 days, but I have spent this morning researching juicers and juice recipes, even went and bought some juices to tide me over until I can get what I need to make my own. And, I’m considering doing a ten day juice fast. This summer, when I did a Yoga immersion class, we discussed the yogic practice of fasting and I was fascinated by it, am drawn to both the physical and spiritual nature of such a practice. This film reignited that fancy.

But it’s not just that. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know that smashing myself to bits, while an old way of being that is sticky and deep, no longer serves me. I want to be able to enjoy my life, love my life, for as long as I can. I want every choice I make, every action I take, every thought to be a manifestation, an embodiment of how deeply and well I care for myself, an expression self-love. I want to take care of myself, love myself, feed myself what I am truly hungry for, what will nourish and nurture me. 

I am a fan of various types of divination: I Ching and Q-Card Casting specifically. Go ahead and think I’m weird, but I believe it’s just one more way to get clear about where I am and what I should be focusing on. I think this is one of the ways the Universe sends me messages, because I open my heart and ask, but even if it’s just a message from my unconscious or random chance that doesn’t really mean anything, I find it a useful tool for gaining some insight on my current situation, whatever that happens to be.

P.S. Patti Digh, by way of my friend Courtney, shared this on Facebook, and it explains so much better what I was trying to say about divination: “When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you are hoping for.” ~unknown

So, this afternoon I went to Hiro Boga’s website and did a Deva card practice. She describes Devas this way:

Every creation on Earth that serves an evolutionary purpose has a spiritual counterpart in the subtle energy realms. This counterpart is a being who holds the pattern or blueprint for the perfect unfolding of the life in its care. I call these pattern-holders Devas…a Sanskrit word that means Shining Ones…As you get to know them and deepen your relationship with them, you can choose to partner with them consciously, to create your life, your business, and the world in which you want to live…Because you are an incarnate soul, all of these soul qualities are already within you, as seeds or potentials. Some of these qualities may be well-developed and readily accessible to you. Others may need to be strengthened and cultivated, for you to experience and express them more fully.

In this practice, you first get clear about your intention. My intention was:

I intend to be healthy, to radiate health, to dissolve the boundary between myself and health, myself and reality, to clarify my essence, to connect bodily with my basic goodness, for my body to be a manifestation of basic goodness, to embody health and well-being.

Then you select a card. The card I received?

Love, loyalty, or enthusiasm for a person, activity, or cause.

Religious worship or action.

Feelings of ardent love.

Commitment to a purpose.

Profound dedication and loyalty, fidelity.

Hiro suggests that once you have received your Deva, that you “Ask for its support and partnership. Ask it to help you strengthen its quality within you, so you can embody it more fully” and that you “Act on the expanded vision and perspective you receive from your partnership with the Deva. Embody and express the quality of this Deva in your life today.”

So that’s it, isn’t it? Self-love is the key. And I am devoting myself to it.

I feel like this realization, this softening, this becoming, this commitment, this vow, this ongoing transformation needs a blessing, a benediction, a prayer, an offering. I can’t think of a better one than a poem the beautiful Julia posted this week on her Painted Path blog (go read it, if you haven’t already–if you are trying to learn to love yourself, she will help, she will remind you), “Like the Moon.” It’s the perfect thing to share here, to end this post, and I am hoping she won’t mind.

You are here in this world
to Love
to lay down the swords–the armor
to fall down laughing, to swing
amongst the stars

to lean into everything
that makes your heart flutter

to live with unapologetic brightness

like the moon

Amen.

Three Truths and One Wish

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This morning, I finished reading “There Is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate” by Cheri Huber. As a way of helping me process some of what I learned, I’m focusing this post on truths from the book.

1. Truth: As children, we learn that love, acceptance, and approval are “out there” and must be earned somehow. I heard this idea first in one of Brene’ Brown‘s books, that when we are young, 0-5 or so, we view love and attention as survival issues, because we are aware that we are dependent on others to have our needs met–unless we can get others to love and care for us, we’ll literally die. We believe we must earn our very survival, get others to meet our needs.

Dressy Bessy

Me and Dressy Bessy, Early 70's

Then, even later in our lives, we don’t look to ourselves for love or care, don’t see them as needs we can meet. “Without feeling full ourselves, what looks like generosity and kindness is often a backwards plea to get our own needs met. A silent, ‘If I meet your needs, you must meet mine,’ ” (“Start With You” by Nona Jordan). Some of us, without even being conscious of it, stay stuck in this way of being. Stuck in looking to others for love, acceptance, and approval, we don’t learn to love, appreciate, accept, care for, or trust ourselves, we try to earn it.

2. Truth: Stuck here, we believe if our needs aren’t met, it’s because we’ve failed. We need others to meet our needs and when they aren’t, when they don’t, it’s because we aren’t good enough, we’re flawed or broken. If only we could please or perform, be perfect, we would get what we need. We don’t believe we can provide for ourselves. We become self-hating, self-destructive, self-denying, and smash ourselves to bits to try and be what we think others want. We believe we aren’t loved or accepted because something is wrong with us. We spend our attention, time, effort, and energy trying to be good, earn approval, get permission, please others by being perfect. It’s like that cellphone commercial where the guy keeps saying “can you hear me now?” but instead we are saying “do you love me now?”

3. Truth: The way out of self-hate is to learn to love and accept yourself, exactly as you are. No need for self-improvement or change, no need to earn this. We can simply drop the trying, the smashing ourselves to bits, and accept ourselves–simple in theory, but hard to do when something is so old and deep and sticky, but it’s workable, and worthwhile to try. And the good news is:

We already have everything we need. There is no need for self-improvement. All these trips that we lay on ourselves–the heavy-duty fearing that we’re bad and hoping that we’re good, the identities that we so dearly cling to, the rage, the jealousy and the addictions of all kinds–never touch our basic wealth. They are like clouds that temporarily block the sun. But all the time our warmth and brilliance are right here. This is who we really are. We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake. ~Pema Chödrön

Brave Belly

One wish: That we all know our basic goodness, remember it, have faith in it, trust it. “If you are ever going to be free, you must be willing to prove to yourself that your inherent nature is goodness, that when you stop doing everything else, goodness is what is there,” (Cheri Huber). Goodness that is loving and accepting, that can provide everything you need. “We think we are rocks, but we are gold.” May we all embody and manifest this truth.

There’s so much more truth in Cheri Huber’s book, 300 rather than just three. I put folds in the top corners of 37 pages, the places where something shimmered, the brilliant glittery light of truth almost burned through the page, made my eyes tear up. Letting go of self-hate is important work. For those of us working with it, (here’s your bonus wish), may we accomplish it quickly and without obstacle so we can get on with the good work of loving ourselves and being of benefit to others in their struggle, so that we can ease suffering in the world.