1. Morning walks. We’ve been able to adjust a lot of our regular spots to something a bit shorter as Ringo gets his strength back. Today he even got to stop by and see his friend, Theresa, at her fitness studio. He was so happy he ran in the door and barked. Everything is blooming: crabapple, cherry, pear, redbud, daffodils, forsythia, Japanese quince. There are lots of robins and I even heard a mountain bluebird. Sadly, the river is so low in spots, it’s hardly even there.

2. Some things were hard and others went okay. They are most likely not going to continue to approve Mom’s hospice placement, so she has to move — AND it’s because she’s doing so well. Our first choice placement was full AND our second choice has a spot and just so happens to be a ONE minute drive away from where her older sister may be moving and is only a couple of miles from my brother’s house. My brother got my Ubox all packed and locked up so it can get shipped to me, AND we discovered that someone who has been in the house since I’ve been there stole a bunch of my dad’s coin collection. We got our taxes signed and sent, AND Ringo’s medical needs have already spent a significant portion of our refund. We went out to lunch at our favorite BBQ spot yesterday, brought home leftovers, AND Eric spent last night sleeping on the couch because his stomach hurt so I’m afraid to have the leftovers even though he said I could have all of them. The pool is open again, the new tilework complete, AND I haven’t had time yet to go. It’s like that saying about how we are falling through the air without a parachute but the good news is there’s no ground.

3. Our new bed. I finally felt sure enough about it to leave a review on their website (which I don’t do unless I really mean it), five stars and this comment:

My husband and I slept on cheaper cotton futons when we first got married because it was the frugal, easy choice. When we bought our first house, we felt like we should “upgrade” to something more adult, so we got our first king sized traditional mattress. This was about 20 years ago when you could still get a firm spring mattress that would last more than six months and it served us well. When it was time to replace it, we went through three different “hybrid” options (can’t find just springs anymore) that all, honestly, were awful. Even at their peak, they just weren’t right. They were supposedly firm, but broke down, and they had various topper material that always threw off the feel and sleep quality. This time around, we searched and searched, willing to pay just about anything, to find that old school truly firm mattress that would last and it just wasn’t available anywhere.

We started joking around about those years we slept on a futon on a pallet on the floor and that maybe we should just go back to that, and then we realized, wait, maybe we actually should try a futon again. We didn’t stop sleeping on them because we didn’t like them, we just felt pressure to be like everyone else and get a “real” mattress. So we found Comfort Pure, poured over the reviews, and landed on the Natural Coconut, Latex Wool Bed Mattress (Extra-Firm) Kind with (as we are a bit older now) a Natural Wool Three Inch Mattress Topper. We’ve only had it for less than a month so I can’t say what the longevity will be, but the sleep and feel has been so perfect and lovely, I’d willingly buy a new one every year if they only lasted that long. I can finally get a good night’s sleep again!

4. Ringo Blue. I am so glad that his belly has been doing so well for so long, that we finally got that figured out, and that his back is feeling better, his arthritis discomfort managed. At 12 years old, he’s turned into such a Mama’s boy, follows me around everywhere, has to check in and know what I’m doing at all times.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I finally finished my portion of the great garage clean up, with Ringo there to supervise. Next is my office, my writing and art space, with two new bookshelves to build — so many books and notebooks! I’m looking forward to it being done but I don’t know how I’m going to feel about the actual doing… 

Bonus joy: writing with my Friday morning writing group, texting with Chris and Chloe’, deactivating my Facebook account (again), comedy and comedians — this week Pete Holmes and Chris Higgins in particular, listening to podcasts — this week I’ve been binging Do You Need A Ride and Working It Out, getting books from the library to read on my Kindle, oranges, pasta, Pop-Tarts — because sometimes that’s just what you want, down blankets and pillows, sweet stories about unlikely animal friends, poetry and poets, writing in the morning while I drink my coffee and tea, Haflinger wool slippers, sitting in the backyard with Ringo and Eric, a/c (it was already 90 degrees one day last week, and we’ve already had a bunch of 80+ days), honey cornbread muffins, Diet Pepsi — because sometimes, as with Pop-Tarts, that’s just what you want, coupons from Tillamook for free full sized tubs of ice cream just because I said something nice about them, discounted bread, Dairy Queen soft-serve ice cream, steaming TV and movies, the Hallmark Channel (not for me, for my mom), soft flannel, music, trash service, indoor plumbing, wood stove fires, campfires, battery operated candles, a couch comfortable enough you can sleep on it all night, white noise machines, the sauna, electric and hybrid cars, a big glass of clean cold water, reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep.    

1. Morning walks. Eric was on spring break this past week, so we got to go together, and that’s always nice. I stayed home this morning instead of going with them, instead of sleeping in, and I’m sitting here wondering why I didn’t go, wishing I had — they just got home as I was typing that. 🙂

2. Practice. I still haven’t reset my practice space after moving it around to make it a spare bedroom a few weeks ago, and with my anxiety so triggered, it’s been hard to meditate anyway, and something about spring is motivating me to try again, to reset and restart, so I’m looking forward to getting that back together this weekend. Yoga at Red Sage is always such a joy, such medicine, as is my Friday morning writing group.

3. My “other” family. Mom is doing well. In a few weeks, it will be her birthday, not one we expected her to see, to be here for. And even though she no longer has any real sense of the calendar or time and doesn’t remember birthdays or holidays, I’d love to be there with her for it, but that’s not likely to work out and with the way my anxiety and air travel has been lately, it’s probably better to not try. The realtor for her house sent pictures of the new paint and it’s just so strange to see it like that, the wallpaper gone, and we all know it has to be done but it’s still so sad. There’s still lots to be done and I’m so grateful Chris is there and willing to take care of all that. The littles just keep growing and getting bigger, with little man Warren now wearing some of his Mom’s old clothes.

4. Spring. Forsythia are blooming and my daffodils are coming up. We’ve been running the sprinkler on the grass in the backyard and watering the trees and the lilac bushes because it’s been so warm and dry. Soon they’ll announce and implement whatever water restrictions we’ll have in place over the summer and it means we won’t plant much of a garden if any at all, but for now, we run the sprinkler and sit out in the backyard under the shade of our umbrella and enjoy it. While the climate crisis we are in may only keep getting worse until it’s all underwater or burnt, and this may be the coming of the apocalypse, it doesn’t mean I can’t also for now water the grass to help it turn more green and alive and feel joy at the blooms. What else would I be doing besides raging and worrying and grieving? I do all that too, but too much of that or only that and there is no chance of surviving — and by that I don’t mean making it through to the other side of whatever this is, but rather keeping my heart alive, tender and open while it all burns, seeing how beautiful even the fire is, how brilliant and how brutal. I can pack a go bag in case we need to evacuate but I can also keep a vase of flowers on the kitchen table. It makes me think of these poems by Ada Limón.

5. My tiny family, small house, little life. I’ve been doing a lot of tinkering and cleaning around the house, part because of the inspiration of spring and also because after clearing out Mom’s house I can’t help but see all my “stuff” in a different light. For now, as is always part of the process in such matters, it just looks like a big mess, but I’m not giving up yet. Eric goes back to work next week, and I feel summer rushing towards us already. Ringo is doing well and I’m so happy for that. Now that the weather is warmer, he’s started that thing he did last year: I take him out to go potty one last time before bed and he’ll lie down in the grass to lounge for a bit before doing what we came out to do. It could be a little annoying because I’m ready to go to bed, but I remind myself we don’t have a lot of time left together and some day I’m going to miss this pause, so I stay and sit with him and enjoy the cool/warm night air and the quiet.

Bonus joy: losing track of what day of the week it is, chicken pot pie, noticing all the blooming things, other people’s dogs and kids, blue sky, sunrise, gummies, our new bed, pizza, Ringo’s care team, a big glass of cold clean water, Dairy Queen ice cream for “dinner,” libraries and librarians, book club, stickers, watching movies 20 minutes at a time, naps, a warm shower, getting rid of things we don’t need anymore, the sound of the trains, water, cherry blossom season, rain (sure wish we’d get some), my dad’s old school pictures from when he was little, making myself a new playlist, listening to podcasts, comedy and comedians, being able to start over, lowering the bar, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.