1. Morning walks. We have been seeing lots of baby deer and the other day we saw something we hadn’t seen in a few years: a mama racoon and her four babies.

2. Spending those final days with Mom. I can’t say that her passing was entirely peaceful. In fact, there were moments that were hard to be with, ones that I’d call traumatic even. And still, I’m glad I was there with her. I’m also grateful it’s over. There’s a reason they refer to dementia as “the long goodbye.” You lose parts of a person, bit by bit, over time. I’m glad she doesn’t have to exist in that tired, broken body anymore. I’m also glad that even with dementia, she never forgot who we were. AND, I miss my mom like crazy and my heart is broken. I’m grateful for the family and friends who sat with me, for my brother and cousin who let me stay with them when I wasn’t with Mom, for those who cared for Mom in all the practical ways, for the animals that offered their companionship and comfort, and especially for my brother, the only one really and fully in it with me in a way no one else could or would understand.

3. Good food. Other than sit in that chair next to Mom, the main things I did were sleep and eat. There was lots of good food while I was there: marionberry scones from Great Harvest, a marionberry pie made by my “Auntie T,” Love Love Teriyaki, that sandwich from Acme Cafe I can’t stop thinking about, the meals at Thompson’s with Annie and Chris, that night I had “dinner” at Dairy Queen, and the obligatory stops at Carl’s Jr and Burgerville.

4. Dana, my masseuse for the past ten years. She was able to fit me in to her already packed schedule yesterday and as it turns out, it may be my last massage with her. She got a new job as a school counselor that starts in August. It wasn’t a surprise, as she’d been working on her Master’s degree the past two years, but it is a huge loss for me as she has been both magic and medicine for my heart and body all these years. I didn’t know going into our appointment yesterday it might be our last, so am glad I had already bought her some bread from The Bread Chic to go with the marionberry jam I brought for her and had written a card telling her how much I appreciate her.

5. Mom and Dad’s house listed and sold. After only three showings and four days on the market, we accepted a full price offer. As with everything else, it was both a relief and so sad. My brother worked SO HARD to get it ready and it turned out so nice, I’m not surprised it went so fast. Mom passed only a few days later, like she knew somehow she couldn’t go back to this house, so it was time to go home. Some of my worst memories happened in this house, some of my hardest moments, but there’s also a part of me that is going to miss it because there would good memories too and it was the last place my parents lived together.

6. My tiny family, small house, little life. This is it now, my one and only home. Even if you never intended to, knowing you could always go home, return to that place and those people…losing that option is so sad. Rooted and solid and satisfied as I am here, I still feel a bit adrift, untethered. AND it is still true that there’s no place I’d rather be than here with them. Poor Ringo has a wonky belly, his first in a while, and I’m pretty sure it’s a combination of the stress of our trip to Oregon and me leaving for nine days after we were only back for a week. He’s been sticking right by me ever since I returned.

Bonus joy: listening to podcasts, sleeping in my own bed, getting in the pool, using the sauna and massage chair, cards in the mail, getting to hug Chloe’, a/c, not too many mosquitoes, more water in the river, blooper reels, comedy, poetry, watching TV shows and movies that are “easy,” not having to look out my front window and see my old neighbor’s political flags anymore, other people’s gardens, the Farmer’s Market, small flower farms, baby racoons, cinnamon swirl bread toasted with butter, leftover pizza, our air fryer, our new patio furniture, stickers, cherries, animal cookies, onion poppy seed buns, breakfast burritos, a big glass of cold clean water, Ringo’s care team, both the cute and the sassy things he does, hearing from people who used to work with Mom, texting with Chris, the sweetest mail from Kelly’s mom Susan, my favorite mugs, my favorite fork and spoon, a warm shower, curly hair, book club, Eric trying to spend less time on his phone, clean laundry, making each other laugh, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep, having this blog to come back to.

1. Morning walks. Our first morning back was gorgeous, just like it always is here, and we made that joke we do, said the thing we do on walks when we are traveling but in this case we were talking about a place only a mile from our house, “if we lived here, we’d walk here all the time.” Because there are so many fires in Colorado right now, many of the sunrises right now look more like sunset, with a bright red hazy cast.

We had lots of good walks in Oregon, on the beach most days but also one hike on the Cumming’s Creek Trail that was my favorite walk of the trip. The way the light filters through the old growth there is a particular kind of magic. I was watching Ringo that morning, thinking to myself how happy he was when Eric said, “he looks so happy.”

As an older dog who doesn’t care about being offlead, running around and playing, and who only wants to smell stuff and get treats, it turns out that walking on the beach isn’t as much fun. He still did that thing where every time he stops and digs in the sand, he expects a treat, which can lead to him only taking five steps between each dig, which is hilarious to me.

One thing I’m particularly grateful for from the trip is that we had FOUR skunk sightings but not one spray, and as those sightings happened on a trail in Utah during our drive and what a nightmare it would have been to try and clean Ringo on the road and that smell never would have come out of our car and how could we stay in a hotel or rental house smelling like that, so I’m so grateful we avoided it. We renamed that particular trail, “Skunk Loop.”

Another bit of luck was our second morning of a three day drive, Ringo started to limp on the morning walk, the thing I’d worked directly with him and his care team for two months before we left to prevent happening. Turns out he was “just kidding” because that was the only time the whole trip it happened. I made lots of concessions for his advanced age, putting down anti-slip mats and adjusting all the beds so he could get up on them without wrecking himself.

2. A safe, easy, successful trip. Ringo did really well and so did we with three days in the car and two nights in hotels, there and back, six days of total travel. We had to make adjustments to the accommodations for him at our hotels — in one, I pushed the mattresses back to expose enough of the box spring foundations to create a step Ringo could use to get up on the bed and at another smaller motel we were put on the second floor one night and the stairs are those metal kind with little holes surrounded by teeth and Eric had to carry Ringo up and down, which was not ideal but we made it work. My favorite parts of the drive are going by the Wasatch Mountains and then all the various national forests in Oregon, the backroads in the Willamette Valley, and the whole section between Corvallis and the central coast.

3. Visiting family. I am very aware how little time we all have together, so each moment spent with them is precious. While I was over in the valley to visit my mom, I booked two nights in a small hotel in Independence. When I arrived, they apologized that the room I’d booked hadn’t been cleaned, so they upgraded me to another room, which turned out to be the Osprey Suite, which was amazing and had a balcony with a view of the Willamette River. I was very grateful for the extra luxury and quiet during what was a difficult part of the trip.

4. Our last big trip with Ringo was a good one. He could have more years with us, but this is the last time we’ll make him take a big trip, so the last time he’ll be at the beach in his current form. I’m sad about that but also so happy that he was comfortable and at ease while he was there and we got to spend that time with him.

5. Kitchen counter love notes. I post these every week, but you may not have heard the story behind them. It started with Eric leaving me the occasional love note on the kitchen counter to find when I got back from walking Ringo, after he’d left for work or the gym. They were nothing special then, nothing fancy, but then he found out I always kept them and started to take it seriously, making them into tiny little pieces of art. At first, it was only the days I walked Ringo and Eric was gone when we came back, but then it became every day, and not always one the counter. In fact, now he puts them in the cabinet next to my green tea, or if I’m traveling he sneaks them into my Kindle or my suitcase or sends me a picture of one first thing in the morning. On this trip, he packed his art supplies and made me one every morning, even though we were on vacation, including a few he drew into the sand.

6. Home sweet home: My tiny family, small house, little life. It was a good trip AND I’m so happy to be home, be back here with them. When I picked up our mail, the tshirt quilt I’d had made from shirts of my dad’s, so many of them Colorado shirts I’d sent him over the years, had finally arrived. We also have new patio furniture gifted to us by our neighbors who moved while we were gone and couldn’t take it with them. There was also a sweet “welcome home” from my dear friend Chloe’ who’d been watering my plants while I was away. My peonies are long gone, but I had a few pictures from right before we left I hadn’t yet shared here.

Bonus joy: getting back in the pool and sauna and using the hydromassage chair, yoga at Red Sage, cherry season, molasses cookies, pay day, our own bed (!), a dozen white roses because Eric knew I was sad my peonies were gone, all our favorite trails and the mosquitoes not too bad yet, a/c, a warm shower, texting with my brother, how good Mom’s house looks now and the HUGE difference that is making in the listing price and all the hard work Chris did to get it there, getting out all the summer recipes for yummy seasonal food, writing with my Friday morning writing group after four weeks away, blogging, being back in my own house with all my own things, grocery shopping, doing laundry, unpacking the first night even though I didn’t really want to but Eric was working on it because he was tired of sitting all day and wanted to move and next day me was so happy that day before me had already taken care of all that, naps in my own bed, letting myself go slow and take it easy, therapy, adding things to my schedule that are just for me, reading in bed at night while Ringo and Eric sleep.