Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. Morning walks. Because Eric and I are both off work this week, all four of us got to go the other morning.

2. Living close to the water. In a perfect world, it would be the ocean, but having the river and a few reservoirs, lakes, and ponds near by is workable.

3. Holiday food. Stuffing, apple pie, cheddar cayenne biscuits, and apple cider. All the extra candy, cookies, and clementines aren’t bad either.

4. Christmas presents. I was obviously a very good girl this year, also very aware of my privilege.

5. My favorite Christmas pj pants. My aunt/godmother got me these Eddie Bauer pj pants for Christmas at least 10 years ago, probably longer. At the time, they were too big; now they fit just right. I’ve worn them to open presents every Christmas morning since, but they are reaching the end of their life. The hem and waistband are frayed, the fabric getting thinner.

6. My tiny family. So grateful that everyone is healthy and safe.

We tried to get a picture in front of the tree with the dogs before we opened presents, but the dogs weren’t having it.

Making an effort

We give up

Bonus joy: Writing and hanging out with Mikalina, aqua aerobics and the sauna every day this week, pay day, a clean car, good books (just finished White Rage: The Unspoken Truth of Our Racial Divide, am processing it a bit more before I publish a review), good TV (Eric and I just finished the first season of The Great British Baking Show), napping, vacation days, texting, baby pictures.

I tried to find the origin of this image, and my best guess is it was made by this artist, Susann April

1. Truth: This year was a fallow period. Fallow is a farming term that means “plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility.” After “the election” last year, I spent time in shock, disbelief. When I came out of that, I was too distraught to concentrate, there was just so much wrong. After the dust settled a bit, I dove into educating myself, reading and taking classes, paying attention. With a fresh perspective, I suddenly was afraid to say the wrong thing, embarrassed that I’d been so ignorant, and didn’t know exactly how to make the shift from writing about my personal stuff to what’s happening in the world, or about how they might be connected. I got confused about my work, about what I had to offer. My weekly Something Good posts were easy to modify, and I could still find things to be grateful about, but everything else felt…weird, awkward.

2. Truth: I’m ready to be more present, more vocal. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to put my foot in it. I’m going to fuck up. Some people won’t like me anymore. And yet, I’m no longer going to let any of that silence me. My path is one of discovery and devotion, and after a time of contemplation and confusion, that previous truth still stands.

3. Truth: I’ve changed, and I’m more myself than ever. My world view has shifted two clicks to the left, and yet after much deliberation and effort, I find myself exactly where I was. The things that mattered to me still matter, the things I teach are still what I teach, and my mission is still exactly the same: to ease suffering, in myself and in the world.

One wish: May we remember that our worth isn’t always about our doing. May our practice and effort be about being more present and authentic, which also means being more vulnerable. May we cultivate a strong foundation of sanity and compassion in the ways that feel right to us, thus encouraging wisdom and love in others.