1. Truth: This year was a fallow period. Fallow is a farming term that means “plowed and harrowed but left unsown for a period in order to restore its fertility.” After “the election” last year, I spent time in shock, disbelief. When I came out of that, I was too distraught to concentrate, there was just so much wrong. After the dust settled a bit, I dove into educating myself, reading and taking classes, paying attention. With a fresh perspective, I suddenly was afraid to say the wrong thing, embarrassed that I’d been so ignorant, and didn’t know exactly how to make the shift from writing about my personal stuff to what’s happening in the world, or about how they might be connected. I got confused about my work, about what I had to offer. My weekly Something Good posts were easy to modify, and I could still find things to be grateful about, but everything else felt…weird, awkward.
2. Truth: I’m ready to be more present, more vocal. I’m going to make mistakes. I’m going to put my foot in it. I’m going to fuck up. Some people won’t like me anymore. And yet, I’m no longer going to let any of that silence me. My path is one of discovery and devotion, and after a time of contemplation and confusion, that previous truth still stands.
3. Truth: I’ve changed, and I’m more myself than ever. My world view has shifted two clicks to the left, and yet after much deliberation and effort, I find myself exactly where I was. The things that mattered to me still matter, the things I teach are still what I teach, and my mission is still exactly the same: to ease suffering, in myself and in the world.
One wish: May we remember that our worth isn’t always about our doing. May our practice and effort be about being more present and authentic, which also means being more vulnerable. May we cultivate a strong foundation of sanity and compassion in the ways that feel right to us, thus encouraging wisdom and love in others.
Jill, we have traveled parallel paths this year. Watching you has given me both comfort and inspiration, as I could tell you were a bit ahead of me (and still are). I can’t wait to see where you go in the coming year.
It’s good to have friends on the same path, and to know I’m not shouting into the wind. ❤
If I’m allowed to speak, Jill, I have seen much growth within the self that you share. It seems to me that your willingness to try alternatives to dealing with body pain and emotional healing is opening knowledge of body, mind and spirit. Your “tiny” family is not little; it is where you breathe in your energy to do the lovely work you share.
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