Category Archives: Self-Care

#Reverb12: Day 11

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reverb12

The Plank

The full prompt: (this is one I did out of order, missed) It has been said that you must learn to take care of yourself before you can be effective at taking care of others. How did you take care of yourself in 2012? How will you take care of yourself in 2013?

My self-care this past year was a bit frustrating, confusing and complicated. You see, taking care of myself has been something that for years I just didn’t do. I was like one of those people who drive a car hard, but provide it very little maintenance, only what is absolutely necessary to keep it from dying–get gas, change the oil, and wash the windows when they are so dirty you can’t see out of them anymore, but that’s about it. I brushed my teeth, I slept, I took vitamins, I tried to eat well, I worked out, but I didn’t really care.  I had been in an abusive relationship…with myself…for about 20 years, and when you are busy hating and loathing yourself, smashing yourself to bits, there isn’t really a lot of time left over for care, you don’t “waste” your energy on concern, certainly not love.

That is slowly changing. What is frustrating is that I am still mostly in the stage of being aware that I’m not caring for myself, at the same time that I continue to act out the same old ways of being. I can see what I am doing, but I am not stopping. I can see all the ways that I ignore and deny myself, all the places where I push and bully myself. I am aware, but real change is slow going. My way of being with myself, of relating to myself is a deeply rooted habit, sticky and old.

In 2013, I have aspirations to be a self-caring fool. I wish to be well-fed, not starved or stuffed, (thank you, Rachel Cole). I long to restore my body to wellness and full health. I crave balance, to know what that means for me and to live it.

Small Pleasures

The full prompt: What small pleasures did you discover this year?

Most of this list is rediscovered pleasure, things I had forgotten to do, forgotten to notice, but some things are new: Reading, Skype, Instagram, teaching, writing long loopy love letters, looking at the sky and all its various moods and weather and light, avocado, fresh cucumbers, grapefruit juice, Depoe Baykery, Farmer’s Markets, fresh flowers, baking, collaging, painting, making stuff, long and lazy talks with like-minded and like-hearted people, movies, music, laughing, kissing, whispering, sitting in the backyard, and long long walks with dogs.

Anticipation

The full prompt: What is the one thing that you are most looking forward to in 2013?

Becoming, embodying and manifesting who I really am. Something really cool, very exciting is happening. I gave up on pretending, trying to be perfect, trying to be cool or fit in, and started being myself. Instead of waiting to be invited or given permission, I started–living the life I longed for, doing the work my heart desired, being myself. I showed up with an open heart and when I did, the Universe took note and has been sending me all kinds of wicked crazy support and inspiration and connection, like it was just waiting for me to agree, to say “yes,” to stop waiting for something to happen and just happen. I am so curious to see what is going to happen next, because anything, anything is possible. I am all kinds of possible.

Music to Your Ears

The full prompt: What was music to your ears in 2012, literally or metaphorically?

Related to the above response, the feedback coming my way. The confirmation, time after time, that I’m on the right path. The comments on my blog, the fact that so many kind and gentle people are reading, the invitations I’m getting to be a part of such good things, the gratitude and opportunity and love coming my way.

Last night, Eric brought home this book for me from the library, “I saw it and thought you’d like it.” Him noticing what I’m doing, being so aware of what matters to me, that he supports me doing it is a big deal.

collageworkbook

10 Things

The full prompt: 10 things you were thankful for in 2012? Another list prompt! Big or small – list out (at least) 10 things you were thankful for.

  1. My three boys, and the memory of the one who is no longer with us.
  2. The love of family and friends.
  3. Financial stability and security in a time when so many people don’t have that.
  4. Even though there were issues, for the most part there was health and wellness.
  5. The various ecourses I took, workshops and retreats and conferences I attended, projects I’m involved in, blogs I read, people I met that brought such meaningful experiences, so much support and inspiration into my life.
  6. The sky, the sun and the moon, the weather, the flowers, the fruits and vegetables, the trees, the river, the bees, the foxes, the cranes, the deer, the beavers, the birds, the rocks, the dirt, the trails.
  7. Long long talks about everything important and everything not so much, kisses, hugs, laughing, long walks and love notes.
  8. Opportunities to help, to be kind and generous, to ease suffering.
  9. Books, music, and movies–art, words and stories, the truth.
  10. My open heart. Your open heart. The kindness and wisdom that reside there.

Relationships

The full prompt: Did you form any new, or strengthen any existing, relationships in 2012? With who? How did you go about it? If you didn’t, why not? Was something holding you back? Was there someone you wish you strengthened your relationship with?

A few relationships that were previously me adoring or following someone from afar, with maybe a little shared adoration here and there, became real, some of them turning into wholehearted love fests. Some of these people I was lucky enough to meet in real life, to hear their voice, hug them, tell them to their sweet faces how much I adored them, but with others the relationship, which though not literally face to face, got stronger through the shared will of our connection, often facilitated by various technologies. I feel like I have found my tribe, a sisterhood, a collective, that I am supported by “these golden threads that connect us.” I might be weird, but I have found so many others that are weird like me and in that way I know I am not alone.

Money

The full prompt: Where did you spend money through this year? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

This year it was like I did a self directed graduate program, attended life-rehab. I took a lot of ecourses (mostly focused on personal growth, health and wellness, writing, photography, blogging), bought and read a lot of books, attended many retreats and workshops and one big conference, joined the Open Heart Project, studied and practiced my little heart out. And it was was worth every penny, every minute.

Something Good

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1. I’d Do Anything to Stop This Pain by Jennifer Gresham on Everyday Bright.

2. This quote: We’re in a giant car headed toward a brick wall and everyone’s arguing over where they’re going to sit. ~David Suzuki. This is Buddhist wisdom I’ve heard before, the idea that we we’ve all bought a ticket on a ship that’s sinking, that we are boarding a plane that’s guaranteed to crash, that this is the reality of life (death), but the additional wisdom here is that even knowing this, we spend our time on the dumbest things, like worrying what to pack or complaining about the snacks.

3. Biz Ladies: Part I — Your Blog Is Your Book This is very good news indeed.

4. Ayurveda at a Glance I am working on a guest post about meditation for Niight’s blog.

5. This wisdom from Tulku Thondup

The key is to make meditation a part of your life, like part of the fabric of a tapestry. Bring an attitude of enjoyment to your meditation, that helps tremendously. Also, bring the peaceful feelings of meditation into your daily activities. That is how to begin tasting the fruits of your efforts. When the healing of mind becomes a habit, our minds become like a great river. The river may not always appear to be moving. But if we look closely enough we will see how the water is slowly, slowly making its way to the sea.

And this:

Meditation is a way of training ourselves to develop a more peaceful mind. Everyone has different capabilities and needs when it comes to this training. We don’t want to push ourselves or be too forceful, but we also want to avoid being slack or lazy. Each of us needs to develop a sense of what’s best for us.

6. Love Letter to the World: Rachel W. Cole

7. Fiona Apple recently canceled her South American tour, because her sweet dog is dying. If you’ve ever loved a dog, lost a dog, the letter she wrote in explanation will break your heart. This comforted me, “she is coming close to the time where she will stop being a dog, and start instead to be part of everything” and this wrecked me:

I wish we could also appreciate the time that lies right beside the end of time. I know that I will feel the most overwhelming knowledge of her, and of her life and of my love for her, in the last moments. I need to do my damnedest to be there for that. Because it will be the most beautiful, the most intense, the most enriching experience of life I’ve ever known. When she dies.

this boy is at my feet right now, doing his own dying–slowly but for certain, while I do my damnedest to be here for it

8. From the Daily Flame:

Why do you judge yourself when you feel tired? Why do you allow fatigue to turn into a story about how you’re not [something] enough? Have you ever thought that perhaps I speak to you through feelings of tiredness, that perhaps, you’re not hearing my whispers, telling you to slow down, and fatigue is the spell I slap on you to help you listen? If you’re tired today, what do you think I might be telling you? Listen up. I have a message for you…

And this one:

Sometimes the longings of your heart feel crazy, don’t they? You wonder how you can possibly trust desires that are so outlandish, impractical, out of control, fickle, and passion-laden. Yet what can you trust more than the stirrings of the heart? Stay there, with your heart wide open. This is where I live, not in your mind, but in the interior spaciousness of pure possibility and divine love.

9. This from Marianne Williamson: “Let there be a ceasefire in all our hearts. Let’s make peace with ourselves, our God, our past, and each other. Let’s all together declare peace on earth.” And this, “Now, in this moment, you are who you have always been and will always be. All spiritual practice — forgiveness, meditation and prayer — is for the purpose of training the mind to see through the illusions of a world that would convince you otherwise.”

10. Dear Sugar, The Rumpus Advice Column #90: 94 Ways of Saying Thank You

11. 15 Gifts You Can Give Yourself for Free from Marc and Angel Hack Life

12. This quote, by way of Lindsey on A Design So Vast:

…be comforted in the fact that the ache in your heart and the confusion in your soul means that you are still alive, still human, and still open to the beauty of the world, even though you have done nothing to deserve it. ~Paul Harding

13. Emerging Icons: Demystifying the Process from Jen Lee

14. This quote: If you want to be happy, be. ~Leo Tolstoy

15. This quote: Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind. ~ Henry James

16. This quote: Underneath it all, we are wild and we know it. ~Reggie Ray

17. This quote from Mary Gaitskill:

Writing is…. being able to take something whole and fiercely alive that exists inside you in some unknowable combination of thought, feeling, physicality, and spirit, and to then store it like a genie in tense, tiny black symbols on a calm white page. If the wrong reader comes across the words, they will remain just words. But for the right readers, your vision blooms off the page and is absorbed into their minds like smoke, where it will re-form, whole and alive, fully adapted to its new environment.

18. The Daily Routines of Famous Writers from Brain Pickings.

19. Recipes I want to try: Sweet Potato Biscuits, Apple Hand Pies, and Graham Crackers.

20. Shirley and Jenny: Two Elephants Reunited After More Than 20 Years, which I’ve seen before, but was reminded of this morning by Sas, and is why I drank tear flavored coffee.

21. Rachel Cole’s Holiday Gift Guide. I’m totally going to make some of the homemade surprise balls.

22. I may have posted this before, but it’s worth repeating: 55 gentle ways to take care of yourself when you’re busy busy busy

23. Every time I read Ken’s story, I am amazed at how similar it is to my own.

24. This sweet interview. “Joshua Littman, a 12-year-old boy with Asperger’s syndrome, interviews his mother, Sarah. Joshua’s unique questions and Sarah’s loving, unguarded answers reveal a beautiful relationship that reminds us of the best—and the most challenging—parts of being a parent.”

25. This quote from Geneen Roth:

Right here, this exact moment, is the doorway to the peace and the joy you want. No matter how much you ate in the last few days, no matter how much you did or didn’t do, can you stop your mind’s nattering? Can you, are you willing to, take in the fact that you have a body, arms, legs, eyes. That you can see, hear, touch, taste. Are you willing to break the trance of unworthiness right now?

26. PicMonkey. I love photo editing, adding quotes, and this site makes it so easy. I can’t wait to waste some serious time with this.

27. Don’t Just Create. Liberate., a great post from yogi Jonathan Fields.

28. Deck the Blog: Favorite Design Resources from Laura Simms on Scoutie Girl. This is going to be fun.

29. This quote: “When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” ~Thich
Nhat Hanh

30. No Shit from Whatever, Etc. Every woman who has ever cried in a dressing room, or wanted to when she looked in the mirror, or thought she would lose her mind shopping for a swimming suit or pair of jeans that fit needs to read this.