1. Ringo. I’m just so grateful he’s recovering, has his spunk back. This morning I was listening to a meditation that used bilateral sound (a technique for nervous system regulation), which means you need to use headphones. I was sitting with my eyes closed when I felt warm breath on my face and then got a kiss on my chin — Ringo had come in to check on me. It’s the tiniest of moments that make all the hard ones bearable. It’s a sort of math that makes absolutely no sense, and I’m so grateful for it.

2. Feeding myself. I’m not as good at this as I’d like to be, especially early in the day, anything before lunchtime really. If you somehow missed it, I had two or three active eating disorders that started when I was about 14 years old and that I finally started therapy for about nine years ago, (yes, that’s about 40 years of disordered eating). I’m not sure I’ll ever be truly “recovered” but with a lot of therapy, support, and practice, I’m learning how to take better care of myself.

2. Morning walks, even the ones that happen in the afternoon. Most of the gold is gone now, but it’s still gorgeous out there.

4. Practice. Meditation in particular recently has been such a help, keeping me grounded and here.

5. My tiny family, tiny home, tiny life. It doesn’t matter what else happens, as long as I have this. 

Bonus joy: the three hour nap I took yesterday which I obviously really needed, Wild Writing with Laurie and my Friday morning writing sangha, making art with Janice, texting with Chloe’, sunshine on a cold day, Eric and Ringo lounging in the backyard or on the couch together, hormone replacement therapy, anti-anxiety meds, vaccines, having easily accessible videos of my dogs who aren’t here anymore, being able to finally send Chloe’ cute videos and memes with kids and the reason why — the sweetest little boy, other people’s dogs, the barista at the Starbucks inside the grocery store, extreme discounts on Halloween candy, birds in the feeder (although apparently someone pooped inside it this week), other people getting therapy, spices — the smells and tastes, new music from some of my favorite artists, good TV, watching Diners Drive -ins and Dives with Eric, really yummy salads, honey roasted peanuts, the heater for the pool at the gym getting fixed, sitting in the sauna with Eric, texting with Chris and Mom, the hum of our furnace, being retired in that I never have to leave the house unless I WANT to, being able to email or text or use an app for all the things that used to be done on the phone or in person, stretching, a warm shower, the way Ringo makes himself a nest of blankets and pillows on the couch, having hair that doesn’t need constantly cut or styled or fussed with, reading in bed at night while Eric and Ringo sleep.