Monthly Archives: August 2018

Gratitude Friday

1. Morning walks. It’s staying darker later in the morning, which means we are back to getting to see the sunrise again, and seeing more creatures, like foxes and entire families of raccoons. We are still on sort of a goofy route, since Sam can only go two miles in the morning, and then Ringo needs another two or three after that. It makes walking by the river more difficult, limits us more to in town and City Park and lots of loops instead of straight somewhere and back, but hopefully that will start to shift as the season does.

2. I finally set up my new computer. It wasn’t super fun. An extra monitor cable my old computer needed made my new computer partially blind, but it wasn’t obvious until after almost an hour on the phone with someone from tech services. Then I still had to set it up! I was supposed to hook up our new (well, old cause it’s been sitting in a box for over a year) wireless modem, which is going to replace the two boxes we have with one that’s supposed to be better and faster. I’ve been putting it off for so long because with four computers in our house, one that we use to watch TV, along with two smart phones, that’s a lot that could get fugged up if I can’t get it set up right. And after the snafu with my new computer today, I just don’t have it in me to attempt one more thing. It’ll have to wait until tomorrow. The computer I replaced was at least eight years old, and with me quitting my current job to move to something that will take place at least in part online, I needed to have a new one in place. In that case, even though it was hard, it feels like another step towards the future I’ve been planning for so long.

3. Fall is here. Even though we’ve still had daytime temperatures in the 80s, you can feel the shift towards fall. And if you didn’t notice that, you wouldn’t be able to deny the giant pumpkins in our garden and all the grasshoppers flying around.

4. Farmer’s market flowers, which become flowers in my bathroom and on my writing desk. This picture is of her booth — can you see why it’s so hard to choose?

5. My boys. Sam is hanging in there, not much better but not any worse and just as sweet as always, and Ringo is being so grown up now that we’ve gone back to work. I worried he’d be bored, but I’ve been home most of the day, and he only bugged me once — when I was on the phone with Dell and their lunch was half an hour late. He’s been hiking on the weekends with Eric again now that the weather is cooler, so that probably helps.

6. Eric. Last week, there were three nights in a row we had other plans and didn’t get to see each other. Absence really can make the heart grow fonder, cause I was so happy to see him last night and can’t wait for him to get home today.

Bonus joy: swimming lessons, teaching yoga, watermelon, good TV (I’m almost finished with Luther, gonna try Shetland next), good books (reading Sing, Unburied Sing by Jesmyn Ward), good movies (went to 8th Grade with a friend last week, got kicked out of the theater because we stayed after, had so much to talk about, needed a slumber party after to process it all – puberty and being a girl can be so complicated and confusing!), aqua aerobics, breakfast burritos, my tiny writing class that starts next week, rain, naps, working from home, health insurance, a three day weekend, payday.

 

Three Truths and One Wish

The view from my Eddy Hall office at CSU

1. Truth: What is easy for some is hard for me. Today I’m thinking in particular of how hard it is for me to simply relax into my truth, to give myself what I need without guilt or shame or anxiety or apology. Every choice I make, every hunger or longing, goes through an exhausting process of how it will affect others, what impact it will have, what other people will think about it and thus about me, whether or not I’ve “earned” it. It’s become a practice for me to simply want something and allow myself to have it, to feel ease or even joy, to relax with myself. It should be automatic, but I have to try, make so much effort to just be.

2. Truth: The turn towards fall feels so peaceful to me. You know how much I love summer, the garden with its blooms and fruit and vegetables and bugs and birds. The longer, lazy days, and all the light. However, fall is really my season. Dusk is also my favorite time of day and this season — the changing light, the cooler temperatures, green turning to gold and orange and red — feels similar, comfortable and calm. Like a dog sigh or the first sip of a cool glass of water when you are thirsty, permission to relax, a sense of relief and ease.

3. Truth: I feel myself slowing down. There were lots of things on the to-do list I made at the beginning of summer that haven’t been done yet. I still need to buy new bras and paint the house, and the new computer that was delivered weeks ago is still in a box. And yet, I know that I’ve spent a lot of years prioritizing doing and accomplishing over rest and contemplation, and that hasn’t served me. I’m tired. I long for rest. As difficult as it is, I’m going to give in to it.

One wish: May we honor our hunger, our longings, our need for rest, and may we thus find ourselves restored and open to ease and joy.