May | 2018 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

1. Morning walks. It rained so hard on Thursday, we couldn’t go, and I still haven’t seen the fox babies, but taking a walk with the dogs in the morning continues to be one of my favorite things almost two decades after the very first one.

I love walking with both dogs, but walking just one is SO much easier

2. Living near the river and the ponds. I feel so lucky we can walk out the front door and be at the river or the ponds in just a mile, and that there’s so much flora and fauna to see.

3. Spring. With all the rain last week, things are blooming and super green.

4. Ringo and Sam. There will most likely be a day when I don’t have dogs, but I can’t even imagine it.

This is his “throw the frisbee, Dad” face

5. Eric. I can’t wait to spend more time with him once we are both on summer break.

Bonus joy: being afraid and knowing there is a risk but saying what I know anyway, good TV (I thought when I watched the last episode of season three of Call the Midwife that the series was over, but there were actually four more seasons!), good books (I’m reading Janelle Hanchett’s new book I’m Just Happy to Be Here: A Memoir of Renegade Mothering and So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo), the sound of the neighbor’s lawn mower, the chaos of bird song in the morning, a warm shower, clean sheets, only 7 days of work left, brunch with a friend, orange juice, rhubarb, CBD oil, good smelling soap, aqua aerobics, yoga, Pilates, writing, meditation, good people who are trying so hard, sleep.

A flume bridge built by a sugar beet company in Fort Collins to dump waste on the other side of the river, image by Eric

1. Truth: The Universe is pulling me in another direction. It’s the strangest thing to be living your life as usual, pretty much the same as it’s been for years, but to feel a change pulling at you like a strong wind or current in a river. Sure, you can try to go against it if you’d like, but it might pull you apart or even drown you if you do. And the moments that I give in to the pull, allow myself to be carried along by it, I feel a sense of ease I haven’t known in a really really really long time.

2. Truth: My Something Good lists are something else entirely to me. They are a record of all the things I want to dive into more deeply, research and think and write about, but because I don’t have the time or energy for that right now, I share the lists, save the rest for later.

3. Truth: I’m not going to focus on the positive. At a poetry reading I attended last week, poet Ross Gay described joy as something that allowed room for grief, and said it was a practice. I have very little patience right now for those who would have the rest of us ignore the brutal, the terrible in favor of sunshine and puppies. I love those last two things as much as the next person, maybe even more so, but I can’t ignore the suffering that exists. I can’t lie about it or look the other way. Even though it’s tempting, my goal isn’t to feel better or be more comfortable. My mission is to ease suffering, in myself and the world. For that, I have to keep my eyes and heart open, make room for all of it, and help when and where I can.

One wish: May we fully listen and be present for suffering, and do what we can to ease it.