January | 2017 | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

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1. Practice. I’m not sure how I would still be sane, still even be here without it.

2. Really good classes and training. And maybe even more than that, the people who already know the important stuff and are willing to make the time and effort to teach it to the rest of us dummies.

3. Being able to get enough rest, even if it means other stuff doesn’t get done.

4. Eric, who once again is having to take over dog walking duty because of a combination of weird in my left leg (tendonitis and an achy knee) that has me needing a break, needing help. Maybe, kind and gentle reader, you could send me some healing energy so I can “get back on the road”? I’d be so grateful if you did.

5. Ringo Blue and Sweet Sam. They were so good for me on Wednesday when even though it was later in the afternoon than they normally would, they took an hour and a half nap with me because I really needed it. And the day before, when 1.5 miles into our 4 mile walk, I started limping and needed to go slow, they stayed with me. And as an added bonus, there was that day Ringo found a frisbee in the snow in the backyard and played and played and played.

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Bonus joy: dry needling that helped my tight calves calm down and the physical therapist who is so good at what she does, Eric’s good health and heart that allows him to take over walking the dogs when I can’t help, the yummy dinners he’s been cooking, watching old seasons of Amazing Race with him, a good laptop, snow tires, my “new” car that isn’t actually new anymore, clean sheets.

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1. Truth: I’m practicing “like my hair is on fire.” This is a phrase that is used in Buddhism to talk about the mix of a sense of urgency and the confidence to not lapse into despair. I think about it a lot, considering our current “situation.” I’m finishing up 37 Days of Activism, and just started Hard Conversations: An Introduction to Racism and Healing from Toxic Whiteness, all really great online courses. Today I’m doing Safe Zone training through the Pride Center at CSU. I started a group called the Hen House Collective to have some company during this process, to help me filter through all the information and figure out what actions to take. I meditate and write every morning, and do yoga when I can. My hair is on fire.

2. Truth: I’m trying to also take care of myself. I’m trying to keep my sense of humor, get enough rest, eat good food, not get overwhelmed or burn out. In fact, I vow to not burn out:

Aware of suffering and injustice, I, Jill Salahub, am working to create a more just, peaceful, and sustainable world. I promise, for the benefit of all, to practice self-care, mindfulness, healing, and joy. I vow to not burn out.

3. Truth: I am staying curious. “Not knowing is a prerequisite for learning,” (Patti Digh). I am trying to listen, deeply and compassionately, without an agenda and without judgement. As Pema Chödrön said, “The only reason we don’t open our hearts and minds to other people is that they trigger confusion in us that we don’t feel brave enough or sane enough to deal with.” I remind myself that being uncomfortable isn’t a bad thing, and try to lean in to that, stay open.

(More than) One Wish: May we stay curious and open, listen deeply and compassionately, not giving in to despair, and maintain our sense of humor even as it seems like the worst is happening. May we also have the discernment to know right action, and be brave enough to take it when necessary. May we continue to be courageous, having the willingness to be wounded, and confident in the way Susan Piver describes it, “the willingness to be as ridiculous, luminous, intelligent, and kind as you really are, without embarrassment.”