1. Truth: This is not sustainable. And by “this,” I mean the way I’m doing life. I am trying to do all the things, and then some. Even if I weren’t a highly sensitive introvert with an autoimmune disorder and lingering PTSD, it would be too much for me to keep up.
2. Truth: Even though I know that, I don’t know how to stop, or even slow down. My therapist asked me what I might be able to let go of, and I couldn’t think of a single thing. Not only that, what I started thinking about instead were all the things I wanted to add, needed to do in addition to what I’m already doing.
3. Truth: I hope the solution doesn’t arise from the ashes of a full on burnout. I’d really like to figure this out before hitting some awful rock bottom. I’d like to make choices about what I want and what to do from a place where I feel like I have options, not a place of chaos, panic, or collapse.
One wish: May my choices come from pure love and wisdom, reflecting sanity and clarity rather than fear or confusion or exhaustion.
I love you. My wish is that by writing that, you have created an invitation to your higher self to help you scale back in a way that feels loving and whole … and not as if you are being deprived of anything. My wish is that the response will come sweetly, on the wings of a butterfly or hummingbird. xo
Thank you, Sherry. I love you too. ❤
Sweet Jill, I wish I could write as beautifully as Ms. Sherry. So I’ll simply say ditto that. And add how grateful I am to be able to call you friend. XOXO
Thanks, friend. ❤
I’ve been there, Jill, and though I did almost hit bottom and I did change some things rather radically, the underlying issue is still there. So I add on again, and add on again and I can feel the tension increasing.
May we pause, breathe, rest, and keep trying to simplify the need/want to do list.
Yes, may we do that. ❤
Sending you love and more love. I hear you.
Thank you. ❤
Thinking of you, Jill, and hoping that you can find the answers. This is a question I just can’t find it in me to love.
I know this place all too well. At the beginning of summer my therapist challenged me to take the summer “off”. Meaning no teaching, no side hustle, no projects. I still have my demanding day job but she challenged me to take time to just do the things I enjoy with the rest of my time. Riding my bike, hiking, painting. A challenge to slow down and rest. This has been so hard and yet it is the first time in my life I gifting myself space for me to exist without feeling like I have earn my right to be here. I feel so calm and peaceful doing less. I can’t remember a time I felt this way.
I love reading your reflections and your journey. I know you have wisdom and courage to listen to your heart and know how best to care for yourself.
What’s funny is I took the summer completely off. Maybe it’s the reentry that makes it feel so hard. And those last two sentences you wrote especially help so much. ❤
I’m sending you “virtual hugs” and prayers for space in your life.
Thank you. ❤