Three Truths and One Wish

Cummings Creek Trail, image by Eric

Cummings Creek Trail, image by Eric

1. Truth: When one of my dogs is sick or injured, I find it hard to think about anything else. Ringo has had a wonky gut for the past few days and while I’m not worried enough about it yet to take him to the vet, I’m concerned. He probably drank too much water out of one of the streams on the beach and will most likely work it out without any intervention, but it doesn’t mean I’ve been able to stop thinking about it.

2. Truth: I haven’t settled in any one place long enough this summer to work my way out of my funk. I was starting to feel okay, but then we packed up and headed to Oregon. We stayed with my in-laws for a few days, but not long enough to feel settled, and then we came here. It was only yesterday that I started to relax a bit, but there’s still the ongoing dilemma of my life: do I use this time to accomplish a bunch of shit or take a break? What am I “supposed to do”? What would it look like or mean to be content?

3. Truth: There’s a weird guilt that comes with summer vacation. It’s confusing. This time is a total gift and I absolutely know just how lucky I am, but that just adds to the weirdness. Part of me feels like I need to party and/or rest the crap out of it in honor of all those who don’t have this privilege. Then there’s a part of me that can’t help but feel like I need to earn this time somehow, like the nine months of hard work I did the rest of the year wasn’t enough, like I need to have something to show for myself at the end of this break to be worthy of it.

One wish: May I surrender to my confusion, find myself just where I am at, and open to joy.

8 thoughts on “Three Truths and One Wish

  1. artiviews

    God I hear you. The guilt that comes when my life is so much better than the people I love. And why can’t I just be happy for myself–because this time is a gift and may not last–and everyone makes their own choices and is on their own path. ACK!! For me it’s my sons that I obsess about. But they have created their own lives by the choices they have made just like I have created mine and I do not know the ending to their stories. I keep reminding myself–I am not God.

    Reply
  2. Lucille

    My take on this is you deserve this break. I mean, you could do a little something but I don’t feel you should expect to have anything to show for your time away. You’ll have the next nine months for that! 🙂

    Reply
  3. melindacoppola

    I can so relate. What if, though, your real work this summer is to take deep and exquisite care of yourself? And what if that is only possible by accepting that you are enough exactly as you are every single day? I mean really accepting it, on a deeper level than the mental plane that knows this is so but is a tight covering over the emotional part that just can’t totally accept it? What if your life circumstances have been given to you by Spirit as a gift ( and that seems to include summers off, at this point), and there’s nothing to “earn”? And if that’s too hard to fully accept and you really need to justify rest and renewal ( like I often feel I must……) then how about this: Jill needs to rest and replenish, to nourish her soul as she feels led to do….and then Jill can continue to show up fully for the dogs, her husband, her faithful blog readers, her Yoga students, and all those who will cross her path and need what only she can give?

    Reply
    1. jillsalahub Post author

      I’ve been thinking a lot about your comment, this especially, “What if, though, your real work this summer is to take deep and exquisite care of yourself?” It’s such a good reminder that the rest, the ease is necessary to balance the effort. Thank you. ❤

      Reply
  4. Shelly

    I may not have the right words here but my response to you is: gentle Jill – the universe loves you as you are: you don’t need to do anything to be One with the divine. You are divine. Allow yourself to be you – what is it that you need this summer? If others are giving you a sense of guilt, it is only a reflection of themselves – not anything to do with you. Allow yourself to fall into the being of you.

    Reply

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