Susannah Conway | Open Space Practice, (AKA: A Thousand Shades of Gray)

I believe that by being the best and most healed version of ourselves we can truly make a difference in the world. ~Susannah Conway

Susannah Conway is one of my favorite women, “Photographer/writer. Aunt. Author of THIS I KNOW: Notes on Unraveling the Heart. Born-again Londoner.” Every time I think of her, I can’t help but smile. I’ve written about her before, told you that,

I started following Susannah’s blog and immediately adored her. She is consistently honest, open-hearted and funny, willing to share her “wobbly bits” along with the brilliant beauty of life. Her words and photography are gorgeous and authentic, and at times heartbreaking (in the very best kind of way, cracking you open to let in the light).

I’ve taken many classes with her, one of my favorites being Blogging from the Heart. I’ve learned so much from each course, about how to live creatively, authentically, and how to compassionately share what I know, what I create. I hold her in my heart as an example of how you can live through (with) grief, how to sink deeply into yourself and from that place be your most creative, productive, authentic, funny, brilliant self, and how you can make a living doing what you love and in so doing be of great benefit to the world — even when you make mistakes, even as you struggle.

I was lucky enough to meet Susannah last summer at the World Domination Summit, to hang out with her, to attend her reading for her book This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart — which felt to me like a love letter to my own possibility. As I’ve said before, the book is a map of one woman’s personal journey through bereavement and rediscovery of self, but it is also offered as a guidebook for those making their way along the same path, traveling through that same territory of loss. And yet, as Susannah says, this “is not a story about grief, although it informs everything I’ve learned about life. This is a book about unraveling the layers of our lives and exploring what we find in order to better understand ourselves, our relationships, and our path.”

image by susannah conway, her beautiful hand, her brilliant ring, and her precious book

Susannah’s book (as does all her work) embodies, through both word and image, the tender heart of sadness, not shying away from the reality of it, the truth that life can kick your ass but that we can also lean into joy and be softened by beauty, can and will encounter grace and know love. We may have tears streaming down our face or feel bad about our thighs, but with our eyes and heart open wide to both the brutality and beauty of life, we can heal, we can live a wholehearted life.

Susannah is every bit as smart, kind, and funny in person as you would expect her to be, while also managing to communicate that self online and in print. When you read her words or take her ecourses or watch one of her videos, you know you are connecting with a real, no bullshit person. I am so happy to share Susannah’s perspective on self-compassion with you today, (and P.S. at the end of this post, you will find information about a special giveaway involving a very special book).

image by susannah conway

1. What does self-compassion mean, what is it? How would you describe or define it?

To me it means extending the sort of kindness, gentleness and understanding to yourself as you would to a loved one, someone you love unconditionally.

2. How did you learn self-compassion? Did you have a teacher, a guide, a path, a resource, a book, a moment of clarity or specific experience?

Well, first of all I should say I’m still learning it. Or rather, still practicing it, as I don’t believe it’s something I’ll ever have down pat. It’s a daily practice, and some days are better than others. Losing my partner in 2005 set me off on this path to self-compassion. Falling into grief and losing everything I had built around me, literally and emotionally, meant I questioned everything I thought I knew about the world and my place in it. Bereavement, and the resulting therapy I had for many years after, helped to take off my edges, basically. I think there is a moment when you’re in the deepest depths of despair where you have to make a choice of whether you’re going to save yourself and swim towards the surface, or just let yourself drown. I choose to swim, and from that moment on I started learning how to take care of myself. How to be KIND to myself, because everything else seemed so shit — I wasn’t able to turn on myself anymore. That was the beginning.

image by susannah conway

3. How do you practice self-compassion, what does that experience look like for you?

I try to be very gentle with myself. Not always easy as I have high expectations and am quick to slide into negative thoughts. I do a lot of journalling. I say no to things I really don’t want to do (rather than doing them and feeling resentful). I eat well and am slowly learning to like the gym as I truly want my body to be strong and healthy — feeling physically well helps me on so many levels. As a self-employed person I have a tendency to work hours that are far too long, so I’m trying to take off a little more time here and there, just for more headspace and rest — that feels very self-compassionate. When I’m hormonal and feeling crazed I go as gently as I can, knowing that’s the best way to look after my heart.

4. What do you still need to learn, to know, to understand? What is missing from your practice of self-compassion, what do you still struggle with?

Patience. In all areas, in all ways, in everything. Patience.

image by susannah conway

I’m so grateful to Susannah for sharing her perspective, especially what she had to say about self-compassion being a daily practice and the importance of being gentle with ourselves. She reminds me, yet again, that I can trust myself.

Special surprise giveaway!!! I have three copies of Susannah’s This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart to share. All you have to do is leave a comment, and next Saturday I will put all the names into a list randonmizer, a virtual hat, and pick three kind and generous readers to gift with their very own copy.

To find out more about Susannah, to connect with her:

Visit her website
Read her blog
Take an ecourse with her
View her images on Instagram or Flickr
Follow her on Facebook or Twitter or Pinterest
Buy one of her books

Next on Self-Compassion Saturday: Courtney Putnam.

P.S. If you didn’t see the first post in this series, you might want to read Self-Compassion Saturday: The Beginning.

1. Wisdom from Mahatma Gandhi, “To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.”

2. 23 Pictures That Will Warm Your Cold, Dead Heart on Buzzfeed.

3. Feel Her from Julie Daley on Unabashedly Female.

4. Your dog isn’t being friendly. He’s an asshole. And so are you. from The Dog Snobs. Amen.

5. 10 Questions for Grace and Whit on A Design So Vast. This had me cracking up and crying. I hope Grace gets her dog.

6. Things to do after your dog has died from The Other End of The Leash. *sob*

7. Allison Mae Photography, Ansel & Tilda: July, in which Allison shares photos of her own dogs. She’s just so g o o d.

8. Here we are today {Just One Paragraph 8/30} from Christina Rosalie.

9. From Brave Girls Club,

Dear Beautiful Girl,

You are enough.

You have enough. You do enough. You think enough. You serve enough. You know enough.

So enough is enough, girlfriend. Pat yourself on the back, go take a hot bath, and let yourself chill for a while.

Sounds like you could use a little break from being so much of enough.

Just BE.

You are so wonderful, just the way you are. You are loved. xoxo

10. Wisdom from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “The best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.”

11. Say I Love You Often, on Elephant Journal.

12. Wisdom from Seth Godin, in his post The opposite of anxiety,

I define non-clinical anxiety as, “experiencing failure in advance.” If you’re busy enacting a future that hasn’t happened yet, and amplifying the worst possible outcomes, it’s no wonder it’s difficult to ship that work.

13. 7 Simple Lessons From the Mat and My Life is too Complicated to Simplify from Be More With Less.

14. An Open Apology to All of My Weight Loss Clients from Iris Higgins.

15. Wisdom from Pema Chödrön,

It’s painful when you see how in spite of everything you continue in your neurosis; sometimes it has to wear itself out like an old shoe. However, refraining is very helpful as long as you don’t impose too authoritarian a voice on yourself. Refraining is not a New Year’s resolution, not a setup where you plan your next failure by saying, “I see what I do and I will never do it again,” and then you feel pretty bad when you do it again within the half hour.

Refraining comes about spontaneously when you see how your neurotic action works. You may say to yourself, “It would still feel good; it still looks like it would be fun,” but you refrain because you already know the chain reaction of misery that it sets off.

16. 6 Ways to Thwart an Off-Leash Dog Rushing You and Your Dog from Dogster.

17. More wisdom from Seth Godin, in his post Q&A: What works for websites today?

The only reason to build a website is to change someone. If you can’t tell me the change and you can’t tell me the someone, then you’re wasting your time.

18. More wisdom from Brave Girls Club,

Dear Beautiful Girl,

What are you willing to let go of today? Life is so much about knowing what to hold on to, and what to let go of…and having faith that it will all work out in the end.

Your heart and your gut know exactly what you need to let go of, even if your brain is giving you all sorts of reasons to clamp your fingers around it. There are seasons and times to have different things, relationships and situations in your life…and then the seasons change and it’s time to let go of many of those things. Change is hard….but change is absolutely necessary.

We’ve all got to let go of old habits, old situations, old behaviors and sometimes even old relationships to make room for what is meant for the next part of our lives. If we just get quiet, get brave, and listen very closely….our hearts will tell us what to let go of. This doesn’t mean it will be easy…it just means that it is what is meant for now.

You can do this. Listen to your heart. Be brave. You are loved. xoxo

19. An Inconvenient Hunger from Rachel Cole. (P.S. Registration for Rachel’s next session of Ease Hunting opens today!)