Tag Archives: Rachel W. Cole

#Reverb12: Day 11

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reverb12

The Plank

The full prompt: (this is one I did out of order, missed) It has been said that you must learn to take care of yourself before you can be effective at taking care of others. How did you take care of yourself in 2012? How will you take care of yourself in 2013?

My self-care this past year was a bit frustrating, confusing and complicated. You see, taking care of myself has been something that for years I just didn’t do. I was like one of those people who drive a car hard, but provide it very little maintenance, only what is absolutely necessary to keep it from dying–get gas, change the oil, and wash the windows when they are so dirty you can’t see out of them anymore, but that’s about it. I brushed my teeth, I slept, I took vitamins, I tried to eat well, I worked out, but I didn’t really care.  I had been in an abusive relationship…with myself…for about 20 years, and when you are busy hating and loathing yourself, smashing yourself to bits, there isn’t really a lot of time left over for care, you don’t “waste” your energy on concern, certainly not love.

That is slowly changing. What is frustrating is that I am still mostly in the stage of being aware that I’m not caring for myself, at the same time that I continue to act out the same old ways of being. I can see what I am doing, but I am not stopping. I can see all the ways that I ignore and deny myself, all the places where I push and bully myself. I am aware, but real change is slow going. My way of being with myself, of relating to myself is a deeply rooted habit, sticky and old.

In 2013, I have aspirations to be a self-caring fool. I wish to be well-fed, not starved or stuffed, (thank you, Rachel Cole). I long to restore my body to wellness and full health. I crave balance, to know what that means for me and to live it.

Small Pleasures

The full prompt: What small pleasures did you discover this year?

Most of this list is rediscovered pleasure, things I had forgotten to do, forgotten to notice, but some things are new: Reading, Skype, Instagram, teaching, writing long loopy love letters, looking at the sky and all its various moods and weather and light, avocado, fresh cucumbers, grapefruit juice, Depoe Baykery, Farmer’s Markets, fresh flowers, baking, collaging, painting, making stuff, long and lazy talks with like-minded and like-hearted people, movies, music, laughing, kissing, whispering, sitting in the backyard, and long long walks with dogs.

Anticipation

The full prompt: What is the one thing that you are most looking forward to in 2013?

Becoming, embodying and manifesting who I really am. Something really cool, very exciting is happening. I gave up on pretending, trying to be perfect, trying to be cool or fit in, and started being myself. Instead of waiting to be invited or given permission, I started–living the life I longed for, doing the work my heart desired, being myself. I showed up with an open heart and when I did, the Universe took note and has been sending me all kinds of wicked crazy support and inspiration and connection, like it was just waiting for me to agree, to say “yes,” to stop waiting for something to happen and just happen. I am so curious to see what is going to happen next, because anything, anything is possible. I am all kinds of possible.

Music to Your Ears

The full prompt: What was music to your ears in 2012, literally or metaphorically?

Related to the above response, the feedback coming my way. The confirmation, time after time, that I’m on the right path. The comments on my blog, the fact that so many kind and gentle people are reading, the invitations I’m getting to be a part of such good things, the gratitude and opportunity and love coming my way.

Last night, Eric brought home this book for me from the library, “I saw it and thought you’d like it.” Him noticing what I’m doing, being so aware of what matters to me, that he supports me doing it is a big deal.

collageworkbook

10 Things

The full prompt: 10 things you were thankful for in 2012? Another list prompt! Big or small – list out (at least) 10 things you were thankful for.

  1. My three boys, and the memory of the one who is no longer with us.
  2. The love of family and friends.
  3. Financial stability and security in a time when so many people don’t have that.
  4. Even though there were issues, for the most part there was health and wellness.
  5. The various ecourses I took, workshops and retreats and conferences I attended, projects I’m involved in, blogs I read, people I met that brought such meaningful experiences, so much support and inspiration into my life.
  6. The sky, the sun and the moon, the weather, the flowers, the fruits and vegetables, the trees, the river, the bees, the foxes, the cranes, the deer, the beavers, the birds, the rocks, the dirt, the trails.
  7. Long long talks about everything important and everything not so much, kisses, hugs, laughing, long walks and love notes.
  8. Opportunities to help, to be kind and generous, to ease suffering.
  9. Books, music, and movies–art, words and stories, the truth.
  10. My open heart. Your open heart. The kindness and wisdom that reside there.

Relationships

The full prompt: Did you form any new, or strengthen any existing, relationships in 2012? With who? How did you go about it? If you didn’t, why not? Was something holding you back? Was there someone you wish you strengthened your relationship with?

A few relationships that were previously me adoring or following someone from afar, with maybe a little shared adoration here and there, became real, some of them turning into wholehearted love fests. Some of these people I was lucky enough to meet in real life, to hear their voice, hug them, tell them to their sweet faces how much I adored them, but with others the relationship, which though not literally face to face, got stronger through the shared will of our connection, often facilitated by various technologies. I feel like I have found my tribe, a sisterhood, a collective, that I am supported by “these golden threads that connect us.” I might be weird, but I have found so many others that are weird like me and in that way I know I am not alone.

Money

The full prompt: Where did you spend money through this year? (Author: Kaileen Elise)

This year it was like I did a self directed graduate program, attended life-rehab. I took a lot of ecourses (mostly focused on personal growth, health and wellness, writing, photography, blogging), bought and read a lot of books, attended many retreats and workshops and one big conference, joined the Open Heart Project, studied and practiced my little heart out. And it was was worth every penny, every minute.

Something Good

9 Replies

bare1. Unravelling the Year Ahead 2013, a beautiful workbook from Susannah Conway. I adore the way she frames the practice, did it with her last year, and am doing it again.

2. Tiny Home from Kate Conner. As someone who also lives in a tiny home and loves it, I appreciated this post.

3. Somewhere Else from Stacy Morrison’s blog, Filling In the Blanks.

4. Ira Glass on Rescuing a Pit Bull Dog with a Ridiculous Diet. I’ve heard Ira talk about his dog in his live This American Life show, and it only made me love him more.

5. A Buddhist Prayer of Forgiveness, via Cigdem Kobu.

If I have harmed anyone in any way
either knowingly or unknowingly
through my own confusions
I ask their forgiveness.
If anyone has harmed me in any way
either knowingly or unknowingly
through their own confusions
I forgive them.
And if there is a situation
I am not yet ready to forgive
I forgive myself for that.
For all the ways that I harm myself,
negate, doubt, belittle myself,
judge or be unkind to myself
through my own confusions
I forgive myself.

decembersunrise046. Instagram Parody video from College Humor, (it’s funny because it’s true). A few of my students were watching it in class the other day, laughing and laughing, and then one of them said, “Shhh, don’t laugh so loud, Jill likes Instagram and we might make her feel bad.”

7. The Secret to Living to 90 from Rachel Cole, or more specifically, from her grandfather, who just turned 90.

8. Christine Hassler’s Words Of Encouragement.

9. The Myth of Ownership by Courtney Carver on Be More With Less. I know you have heard it a hundred times already, but she is so wicked smart!

10. David Whyte reading his poem, Sweet Darkness, after he talks a bit about learning to say no. From the end of the poem, my favorite lines:

You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.
Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.

decembersunrise11. On Being a Late Bloomer on Rookie, “Success doesn’t happen overnight.” Amen.

12. Do Idols and Role Models Limit Our Potential? on Scoutie Girl. An interesting idea, something worth considering.

13. Poet Breathe Now, a video of a 17 year old poet performing one of the most beautiful poems ever, shared by Julia on Painted Path. I left Julia a comment after I watched it “Holy wow. Holy crap. This is what happens when voices are encouraged and heard instead of suppressed and silenced.”

14. Finding Momo. I share this with you along with a serious cuteness warning. You will waste a lot of time finding Momo, you won’t be able to stop or to help it.

15. White Space Enhances Productivity on Pick the Brain.

16. 5 Tips to Avoid Overextending Yourself on Think Simple Now.

17. 7 Videos That’ll Stop You From Ever Saying “I Can’t” from Jonathan Fields.

18. The Work You Love is Waiting For You from Zen Habits.

19. This picture on Instagram from Kind Over Matter, for small creatures such as we.

20. Open Heart Retreat with Susan Piver, Shambhala Mountain Center, April 5-8th. I am all in.

decembersunrise0521. The Wild Unknown Tarot Deck. I want this.

22. 9 Reasons You’re Stuck Where You Are on Marc and Angel Hack Life. Oh, #3…I hear you. Also from Marc and Angel, 12 Things to Stop Doing in the Next 12 Months.

23. Just to be clear, I have permission.

If you frequently give yourself permission to doodle, wander, and be
totally unproductive, Jill, and you actually relish such interludes, I
can guarantee that your genius, creativity, and productivity will
increase exponentially.

I’ve seen it happen a billion times.

Through the roof,
The Universe

24. Changing Corners on SouleMama. I’ve said it before, if I were a mom, this blog would most likely make me feel bad about myself. But, I’m not, so this blog makes me want this family to adopt me, pretty please.

25. Finding Your Voice from Jen Lee. I can’t buy any new stuff, any more things, especially ones that require me to do something, but this always calls to me, and “For 2 Days Only: Enjoy 20% off everything in our store (enter code 2DAYSTOSAVE at checkout before Wednesday, 12/13/12).” She has some really awesome tshirts too, that say things like “Love makes us brave” and “It’s your story. Tell it.”

26. E-Interview with Writer and Poet, Laurie Marks Wagner at Giving Voice to the Voiceless.

nest27. This quote: “Anything becomes interesting if you look at it for long enough.” ~Gustave Flaubert

28. This quote: “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realise they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault

29. Peace on Earth from Kristin Noelle.

30. Why I Gave Up Chasing Goals from Danielle LaPorte. Also from Danielle, Cosmic Radio: an audio contemplation for total encouragement.

31. Colored Owl Drawings by John Pusateri on Colossal.

32. The Prayer, gorgeousness from Hannah Marcotti.

dec12sky03

33. This quote: “If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?” Dōgen Zenji

34. And this quote: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
~Dalai Lama

35. And this one: “A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”- Mahatma Gandhi

36. And finally, this one:

Sooner or later we admit that we cannot do it all, that whatever our contribution, the story is much larger and longer than our own, and we are all in the gift of older stories that we are only now joining. Whatever our success, we are all looked after by other eyes, and we are only preparing ourselves for an invitation to something larger. ~David Whyte

37. The cutest thing you will see all year, and the best dog ever. Eric and I had this conversation about it:

Eric: I love how the dog is clearly thinking, “what the heck is he doing? Should I stop him? Shouldn’t you (the person with the camera) stop him? Am I missing something here? Humans are strange…”
Me: I love how he just waits until the kid comes back for him.